Today Chris, Brandy, Steve and I are watching The Lord of the Rings all the way through. I will be updating this blog post as it happens, to keep you abreast of the ring's progress.
10:30 p.m.: "The End" hit the screen at 10:11. Then we sort of sat around for twenty minutes and let our heads spin, because spinning they were. Then we discussed the Watcher in the Water. Then we talked about whether we know too much about the making of these movies given that in bringing up the Watcher in the Water, Chris and I immediately said "enormous sphincter" in a Richard Taylor impression. Then Steve called Bridget. And then... now we're trying to figure out what we're doing for New Year's. Yeah it's sort of hard to concentrate right now.
We sort of all agree that we alpha-waved through the entirety of The Two Towers but that Fellowship and King were pretty kick-ass. Also I'm a extended edition boy through and through now. I know it took me a long time to get to this point, but I'm on board. Don't think I'd ever need to watch the theatrical cuts again except to explicate some unforeseen point about something.
Here's what the living room looks like post-flix:
Note Chris on the far left holding his head in his hands. That's how we all feel right now.
This concludes LOTR '06. Fuck.
8:09 p.m.: The hammer of the underworld is out, the battle has started, the home stretch is in sight. Good thing this thing's ending can be described as "succinct."
I tell you what: that Bernard Hill guy is one tough old son of a bitch. I am behind that guy 100%.
6:30 p.m.: We just concluded a discussion of who we think is the hottest person in the trilogy (Chris: Eowyn; Brandy: Aragorn; Steve: Gimli) with me saying "I'd like to have Arwen for a wife and Pippin for a plaything."
6:00 p.m.: Steve just threatened to not let us start King until we'd positively determined which mid-film disk break was the best (Pippin's "Where are we going" in Fellowship, Faramir's speech in Towers, or Grond showing up in King.) But we shot him down.
Also: there's rum now. Music's starting, film is going, shut up!
5:53 p.m.: Hey, if you ever need to reboot your head after too much flickwatching, try brushing your teeth. It's totally effective. I'm going to try to remember this for the next film festival.
Where are the others?! I should be balls-deep in Frodo right now, and instead I'm sitting here blogging like a chump! Wait I just heard the door open.
5:48 p.m.: Becoming impatient... becoming impatient with all the... well the word my brain wants to say is "waitnapping." But that can't be right. Although if "waitnapping" were a crime where you abduct waiters I think that would be pretty cool. (But what's the upside of abducting waiters? Or waitresses? They work for shit salary and basically live on tips. It's a tough life, folks, being a server. Tip high whenever you can. You have no idea the difference you'll make.)
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO GET A CHEESEBURGER?! Fuck!
5:34 p.m.: I've been abandoned while the rest of the Fellowship goes for food. Chris and Steve went to Lick's and Brandy went to Pizza Pizza. I never want to eat again. Brandy is bringing me back some wings though because I think I need protein and not salted snack foods. Wait I guess wings are salted snack foods too. Fuck.
MAN I hate having to take a protracted break in the midst of the proceedings but that's how it goes. And hoochie mama, all of our brains are in desperate need of a bit of freshening right now anyways. I think I'll go out on the back deck and get some air.
Towers done, King beginning...
3:39 p.m.: Faramir, a young captain of Gondor, has just appeared. I rather like that chap. I like his outfit, I like the cut of his jib, and I covet his hoodie. It's all about the hoodies right now. Hey why don't they do "dramatis personae" type things at the beginning of movies? "Faramir, a young captain of Gondor" is the type of thing that should appear at the head of this flick, along with "Frodo Baggins, a hobbit," "Elrond of Rivendell, an ageless elf," and "Gollum, a small homunculus man."
3:34 p.m.: People keep calling, and we keep ignoring the phone...
2:45 p.m.: Ian McKellen is back. Fuckin' A.
You know, that poem Treebeard recites is like something you'd hear a stoner say at a party at 3 in the morning. The first hour of Towers is always really hard for me. It's not that there's anything wrong with it, just that it seems to be where my brain finally collapses into an alpha wave. Talking trees... dreamy stuff.
1:38 p.m.: You know, the battle scene at Amon Hen at the end of Fellowship is a master class in cinema editing. I don't think I'd ever really had a full appreciation for just how brilliantly constructed that entire scene is. Every single technique of editing is used to brilliant effect - particularly the impressionistic elements. Eisenstein would split his britches watching that thing.
It occurs to me that if PJ ends up making The Hobbit we're going to end up having to do this again. And if it's in fact 2 three-hour movies then it's going to be a really, really, really long Complete Lord of the Rings screening when all is said and done.
11:59 a.m.: I have taken additional vitamins as a precautionary measure.
11:51 a.m.: We're done the first disk. Everyone's talking about which movie's their favourite. Brandy can't decide if she likes the first one better or the extended cut of the second one. Chris thinks the first half of Fellowship is the best half of a movie ever made. And me, I don't know why I ever thought the extended cut of this film was weaker than the theatrical cut. It is fucking exempliary. It was the scene with the Gaffer that convinced me of this. You need that shit, man, you need it.
But I'm a Boromir man. I think Sean Bean's is my favourite performance in the entire trilogy. As soon as he rides in his horse it becomes a whole different film for me.
Anyways now there's talk of lunch. We've also told Steve that he is essentially a member of the household for the rest of the day, because he keeps asking if he can have water, snacks, etc. There's no room for that kind of politeness in a viewing marathon like this, sir. No.
10:13 a.m.: That is the best opening of any film ever. We'll probably get into the Peter Jackson Hobbit situation later but for now let's assume that he will make the film(s) and that he will use the X3 gizmo to allow Ian Holm to play Bilbo, as it should be.
Now Ian McKellen's here. Fuckin' A.
10:03 a.m.: OK we're starting now.
9:58 a.m.: We're almost ready to go. I have been to the IGA to get provisions. We have salted pork. Actually salt seems to be the mainstay of most of the foodbits, there's also a lot of chips and pretzels and so forth. But that's okay. You know back in the medieval days, what they used to keep meat fresh? Salt. We shall hope it does the same for us.
There are two complete copies of Tolkien's work on the coffee table, including The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings, and The Silmarillion. This is in case there is need of immediate referencing at any point during the day. I also have Wikipedia's LOTR section open on my Macbook. For gear I'm wearing ripped jeans and a Revenge of the Sith t-shirt (iconoclasm!), along with my elf-green hoodie. I also have my glasses cleaning cloth, for the inevitable moment when the lenses mist up when Sam is cradling Frodo in his arms on the slopes of Mount Doom.
For toys for the day's proceedings I have brought the Mouth of Sauron, the King of the Dead, Samwise Gamgee, and Gimli (son of Glóin). In the Gimli/Legolas scrap I'm a Gimli man, always have been, that fellow amuses me. So many axes!
This is what the room looks like right now:
Brandy isn't here yet. She said that laundry takes precedence over The Lord of the Rings but that she'll be here soon. Chris is making a pizza because that's how he deals with stress.
But it is so about Superman right now, team.