This will amuse you: I finally got the music done for Standoff, copied the drafts into the sound edit to tweak the timings, and immediately discovered that all of the cues were completely, irrevocably off-time because GARAGE BAND DOESN'T COUNT IN SECONDS. It was counting in "music time" instead of, oh, you know, a little thing we like to call TIME. So basically I have 2 lovely dideridoo tracks, one of which is ¾ the length of the entire movie, and the other of which is double the length of the movie. And even as it was going on, I wasn't angry, I was laughing, and saying to myself "This could only happen to me. Me, on a Macintosh computer."

I'm ready to say it. (Sing along if you can guess where I'm going.)

I HATE MACS. I FUCKING HATE MACS. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS MAC BULLSHIT. YOU HAVE FAILED, MACKIES, TO DO ANYTHING OTHER THAN INVOKE MY LIFELONG IRE WITH YOUR RIDICULOUS FANTASY DANCES ABOUT THE BRILLIANCE OF THE MAC DESIGN SCHEME. YOU ARE ALL SO VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY WRONG.

See, I can understand a PC. A PC is like a very dumb child. Dumbness in children (as with dumbness everywhere and certainly in computer fetishists) is certainly irritating, but also makes the child completely incapable of doing anything that surprises you because dumbness = lack of imagination.

Macs, on the other hand, are the computer equivalent of a hyperactive 3-year-old always jumping up and down and cartwheeling around the room knocking shit off the walls screaming LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME at the top of its lungs until the neighbours are banging on the door and the turkey is coming out of the oven burnt clean through because you couldn't spare two minutes away from the spastic child to even go check on it, fuck, not even two damn minutes because that kid is so goddamned loud!!!

So now I'm going to go back and re-cut and re-mix my two music cues that have already taken way too long to make in the first place and create "PC edits" of the bad boys and they'll all be right there on the soundtrack album, they will, the track listing will be like this:

Standoff Soundtrack Album

Track 1: Entrada (PC edit)
Track 2: Requiem for a Gleet (PC edit)
Track 3: Entrada (Really fucking long version because Macs suck)
Track 4: Requiem for a Gleet (Requiem for a whole generation of Mac users who are insane and hopeless because Macs suck)

So there. Always remember: Boat anchor. Boat anchor. Truthfully I have enjoyed few purchases in my life as much as I've enjoyed Molly the Macbook for the last six months. But for the purposes of this post, EAT THIS! From hell's heart I stabbedy at thee!!