The real question is, where to tattoo that on myself so that Sera won't be covered in a filthy mat of brownish hair.

I'm feeling very clever because I decided to rip a whole fuckbunch of DVD commentaries to my Macbook so that I don't have to take the actual DVDs with me to BC. See? Macs don't always suck. I realize I've had the capacity to do this for over half a year but I'm only taking advantage of it now. I am a "late adopter."

This is part of my fiendish effort to bring as little as possible on the plane. My original goal was a single large carry-on but now I'm extending it to a single small carry-on. Computers and clothes. That's it. Oh and a breath mint.

Ironically in spite of the above I have come to 2 realizations recently:

1) I am no longer interested in DVD special features, for the most part. I was watching one of the featurettes on Children of Men last night and they started going into detail about how they achieved the childbirth shot, and I was like "AH! NO! FUCK!! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THAT!!!" I'm particularly disappointed in this case because Cuaron was all like, "I don't like the making-of sort of special features that give away everything so I'm not going to put any on Children of Men." And then he fucking did. Stupid lying Alfonso.

On the whole I'd say if it isn't a movie where the specific technical craft is legitimately interesting for a unique reason - like, say, Panic Room - then I'm pretty much done with that shit.

2) I no longer need to watch trailers for movies I was already going to see. I watched the Ocean's 13 trailer yesterday and about halfway through I realized, "all this is doing is giving away shit about what's going to happen in a movie that I am already committed to seeing." I don't need to be sold on Ocean's 13, or Bourne Ultimatum, or Pirates of the Caribbean 3. I am going to see them regardless. Something like Stardust or whatever where there's still a proof-of-concept type thing that I need to get out of an advance peek, that's another story. But if I'm already sold on something I don't need to watch a commercial for it. Right? Right.

There's no telling what will come of this.

DAVID O. RUSSELL FREAK OUT!!

Posted by tederick at 12:49 PM in comix & i hate mac & movies
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My god, if you Google miscellaneous crap, Tederick.com comes up third. We have scored the bronze in the crapolympics.

Posted by tederick at 5:18 PM in miscellaneous crap & tederickdotcomdotcom
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Boy, when you've been out of it for a little while and you're suddenly back in that "will we or won't we" sort of situation with an attractive other-identitied person, you forget how goddamn terrifying that shit can be. What the fuck is that about. Yep, I'm a' gonna come clean: I'm afraid of enclosed spaces containing aggressive females. Actually I suppose I'm slightly more afraid of enclosed spaces containing non-aggressive females who expect me to be aggressive. But it's all buckets of water in the same big lake of "I am so not that guy." And that lake is large, deep, and infested with many-tentacled monsters of varying hues.

Sail your pirate ship on my lake. God damn do I feel like the dumbest guy in the world for not twigging to this Flying Spaghetti Monster thing sooner! That shit is everywhere. You can buy doohickeys for the back of your car that are like the Jesus fishes except that they're evolved Jesus-fishes who are fucking. Man I spent a good solid amount of time today laughing myself sick at this and its first comment. The hate mail on Pastafarianism site as a whole is pretty awesome as a cultural document and as flat-out comedy. Christians, man. "God is not noodly" indeed! Nor is god benevolent, useful, or even halfway sane. But what's with all the complaining?

Think I'm prepped up for my trip. I called to book the limo and requested the 5 a.m. pickup on Monday, and the woman actually asked me if I was kidding. I wish I were.

Posted by tederick at 4:09 PM in miscellaneous crap
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Tampontification.com is a terrific (and shit-hot-designed!) site about all things menstrual. This month they were running a drive through Seventh Generation (a green paper products company) to donate boxes of "feminine hygiene products" to a women's shelter for every link-click on the Tampontification web site. I said they were - they got so many clicks that they literally ran out of pads. Awesome.

Posted by tederick at 9:15 AM in vagina fridays
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Behold Pastafarianism, being largely the source of today's greatest quote: "...their decision to suspend Killian for a day has nothing to do with his religion, and quite a lot to do with his repeated refusal to heed warnings against wearing pirate outfits." More information about Pastafarianism, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and deified pirates can be found at your local library, which is also the source of today's second-greatest quote: "Henderson said he plans to use the proceeds from the sale of the book to build a pirate ship, with which he may travel the world in order to convert heathens to the Pastafarian religion."

As you can imagine, I am right pissed off I didn't think of this myself.

Anyways. I'll be the first to admit I didn't exactly put a solid effort in this afternoon. I sort of needed a bit of an on-my-feet vacation today - illicit Starbucks runs and lengthy conversations about circumcision and whatnot. I'm stressed about the trip and pissed about my personal life and generally just about ready to go live in the desert with my cloak and my stick and a frown on my face. Yep: the desert thing seems to be back. Hasn't been my go-to escape fantasy since around '99, if I'm not mistaken. But there you go. I am guiding a very narrow path right now. And now I've got about sixty eensy weensy little tasks around my room that I want to get done before I go to bed so I don't have to stress about them in my sleep, and just barely enough gas left in the tank to get them done before a quarter past eleven and thereby prevent the coming of the anxious chest-frog.

Posted by tederick at 10:37 PM in j-o-b & pirates
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For those who have asked, the music in the back half of the Golden Compass reel is from Children of Dune (not to be confused with Children of Men, which has a whole other set of awesome music). Some cuttings from the score can be found on Brian Tyler's web site, including the bit used in the sizzle reel. Lucky that.

While we're on the subject, I broke down and bought the Prestige score from the U.S. It's goddamn tasty shit. Man that movie just about does everything right in my estimation. It's the most non-period period movie I think I've seen in a really long time and yet it's so fundamentally faithful to its own sense of time and place. How do you do that? Zwuh duhluh buh buh.

In point of fact one of the biggest question marks hanging over me re: The Dark Knight is the music; the IMDB is currently listing both Zimmer and Howard as composers again, but that could be the kind of unfounded info for which the IMDB is relatively famous. I will be sincerely disappointed if both composers don't collaborate on the DK score as they did with Begins. I've taken that score apart note for note and I am freaking certain that it is far more than the sum of its parts, a synthesis of unlikely opposites that results in something that neither composer could have achieved on his own. Zimmer sailed solo on POTC2, which is worrisome; let's hope the Batman partnership holds.

Posted by tederick at 1:48 PM in movies
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Two in the hole! Outstanding. Yup I pretty much laughed myself sick through that entire episode of Lost, not least because of the pleasure of watching those two Calvin Klein nitwits Rosencrantz n' Guildenstern their way through the past three seasons - three Booney, Artzty seasons - only to find out they were living in a Coen Brothers movie all along. Just outstanding. I guess I know (in theory) how they put Hottie McHotsalot into the original plane crash scene, but damn... that was well done. Can't wait to compare that against the original footage to see where the Gumping took place.

Posted by tederick at 11:08 PM in 4-8-15-16-23-42
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Seriously: Whedon was stoned when he did this interview, right? That tracks, and few other explanations do. Anyhooza, the second printing of Buffy #1 comes out tomorrow so if you still haven't bought the best thing ever ever ever, now's your actual chance (not like last time with all the annoyingness). Go. Be. Do.

Speaking of comics, I am well, well behind on Extreme Steve. I have the next seven written but none of them drawn. I think it's going to be a couple of weeks. I blame Adam. Suddenly I'm like my own Joss Whedon, piddling out useless excuses in the nonsensical 18 months between Fray #6 and Fray #7. But at the end of the day I don't want to whip out shitty product just to hit my dates. And yes I realize we're talking about Extreme Steve here.

Aside from the overwhelming (and unexpected) emotional response of just seeing Lyra yesterday in that clip reel, there was also a pretty strong emotional response on my end to being able to "see through the previz." I talked about this on Mamo last night a bit too and I don't think I'm expressing myself very well, but it's like a kind of "being here now, and here is good" feeling about my preferred form of art. The language keeps evolving and we keep evolving with it, to the point where I can look at a woman in a witch costume dangling from a wire in front of a green screen, or a crudely-animated dog transforming into a butterfly, and get carried away by it nonetheless because the last five or six years have taught my eye how. I learned a new thing without noticing. I was reading Cinefex #100 earlier this week, which is a couple of years old now but had this omnibus look at the "state of the nation" with regard to visual effects and filmmaking in Hollywood... and even beyond just visual effects, these things together made me suddenly realize that I believe too hard in the "death of cinema." I am prophesying the doom of something that shows no sign of ceasing to be a beautiful, wondrous thing. We all get it in the end.

In like kind, here's where I live, circa 1931...

...which gives me the same sort of feeling. The feeling that it's springtime, that it's my sister's alignment day (27th birthday on the 27th of the month in the year 2007), and that good things come in threes. So... eyes front, Mr. Brown.

"Ace Kittyhawk, the spacebear, and Ion Z, an alien bunny, fly around in their rocket ship with their pet dragon having the most wonderful adventures observing other beings. They enjoy seeing all the strange happenings all over the universe." - Kidrobot.com

Posted by tederick at 6:40 PM in comix & joss & movies & poetical
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Somewhere in the valley between Matty Price coming back from Vancouver and me going to Vancouver, lies Mamo. It's like Brigadoon.

Posted by tederick at 7:42 AM in podcastery
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OK, they have me. Lots of quibbles with the first half or so, but by the marquee shot of Serafina / Eva Green they had me, and then they damn well had all of me by "and introducing Dakota Blue Richards as Lyra..." Yeah. That's the girl.

Apologies if it's gone by the time you get here, but here's the first look at The Golden Compass.

Posted by tederick at 7:45 AM in movies
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Yup, I've put together a floor bed.

Things I can do in the floor bed:

• Read X-Men comic books
• Look at porn
• Listen to music
• Masturbate
• Drink rum
• Smoke pot
• Muse to myself by gentle candle light
• Nap with my frog
• Write poems
• Listen to podcasts
• Scheme

I am fully committed to the creation and development of the floor bed.

Posted by tederick at 9:01 PM in 3QF
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Yup, through a strange conflux of circumstances, Tim and I guest-hosted moviesTO last night, from which I recently retired. We were talking about Hot Docs, Sprockets, and other shit. Fun!

Check it out here.

Posted by tederick at 10:41 AM in blogTO & podcastery
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• Renee Zellweger
• Cuba Gooding Jr.
• that retarded kid with the glasses
• Elizabethtown and Vanilla Sky
• a 38% increase in Tom Cruise's "serious movie" cred

Yup when you're flicking through the telly at 3:00 on a Saturday afternoon you figure out a lot of things.

Look, it's like porn for Tozerphiles! Boy someday me and Matty Price are gonna take this thing to the next level of detail and actually watch that woman perform.

Yeah I'm feeling better. I guess it was a 24-hour Garbage-Witch-induced malaria. I spent Friday night trying to solve a very serious problem in 1955 Hollywood, and a large part of yesterday feeling very floaty and out of it, but I was back on food by evening times and I watched Shortbus and that made me feel terrific and now I feel all right except it's like "where did my weekend go?" because I was sort of looking forward to this whole weekend. Holy shit so much for sentence structure.

Emma Watson IS Hermione Granger! OK I never seriously believed she was going to leave the franchise but it's been damned entertaining to watch all the Potties freak out over the past 2 months while that nasty Rupert spread nasty rumours. (Rupmours? nah that doesn't gel)

Frank Welker IS NOT Megatron! First I was a bit pissed off but then I actually listened to the man's voice again and yeah... I guess that wouldn't have worked. Now I'm just worried about Optimus.

Right.

Posted by tederick at 8:46 AM in miscellaneous crap & miss hermione granger & movies
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Oh, sick. Don't know what happened but at around 2:00 my insides went all gooey. Right in the middle of a coffee. Something bad for lunch? Reaction to the weather changing? Unclaimed properties of a valuable nature? Dunno. Sucks too because I was supposed to go to the Amp'd party tonight and now I ain't gonna cuz I can't get off the couch. Kardinall Offishall was playing, and how often do I get exposed to that? Like never. Is it possible I have malaria? That'd be something.

Meanwhile, I am going to British fucking Columbia on April 2. I'm looking forward to it but I'm also sorta nervous. I am thirty damn years old and I have never flown anywhere alone EVER. Actually that's not the part that's making me nervous, it's the everything else, including the Obi-Wan Kenobi mojo I gotta pull on one of my co-workers when I get there. But it'll be nice to see my other-side-of-the-country friends, especially since I've never been west of Windsor. And I hear that it's always, always, always sunny and warm in Vancouver. Always. I shall bring my sun hat and my sun shoes and my sun dildo.

It's possible that the girls downstairs are Garbage Witches. They put regular garbage out when it's recycling day and it gets picked up anyway! How the fuck does that work if they aren't witches? Let's try to assess relatable competencies: if you were a Garbage Witch, what else could you do? Should I be worried? Can Garbage Witches hex a dude with malaria, even if said dude is in the office in Scarborough at the time, to make him miss his party? Is that a thing Garbage Witches can do? Needs thinkin' about.

Posted by tederick at 6:02 PM in 3QF & j-o-b
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Maybe I've been in this game a bit too long but I really, really think this mouse looks like a vulva. Especially the trackwheel area a.k.a. the clit. With its labia minora guardians along the side and labia majora finger grooves a bit further out. This is the most pudendal piece of computer hardware I have ever seen.

It's Bell's mouse, and I presume the connection to be deliberate. They had gigantic billboards up in the subway stations with this mouse on it before Christmas, designed to entice buyers into ponying up for some clitoral high speed. Oh yeah, click that clit. But I couldn't find one of those billboards to snap a picture. This mouse has become like my Vagina Fridays white whale. Finally I gave up and snapped a shot right off one of Bell's TV ads. Which are populated by what? BEAVERS. Makes ya think.

Posted by tederick at 7:28 AM in vagina fridays
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And if you can figure out what that meant, you can comment.

Posted by tederick at 2:40 PM in 4-8-15-16-23-42
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OK I wasn't going to do this (detailed breakdown / response) but I can't help it: I LOVE THIS COMIC SO MUCH. I have read it five damn times. Every time I don't have anything to do, I read the comic. Just now, I read it again. I have both covers. Why? Because I LOVE THIS COMIC SO MUCH. So here's the play-by-play:

"The problem with changing the world..."
If I know my Jossbone, that first page is the mission statement for the entire 30-issue arc.

Satsu the Vampire Slayer
As previously indicated, I am in love.

The Summer of Georges
Holy sweet fuck do I love the art in this book. I didn't think I was going to dig it but Jeanty pretty much nailed what needed to happen here: facimiles of the actors close enough that you can pick up a bit of their personality, but not those stupid screencap photocopies they do over at IDW. And the colouring... oh the colouring. This is the most beautiful use of colour I've seen in a non-Laura Martin comic since Fray.

The floating boots
No theory. It looks like Spike, so clearly it's not Spike. I'm thinking about it.

The army guys
Hate the army guys. Also if Riley (or Team Riley) doesn't get reffed real soon I'm going to be pissed. Because how could the American government be this excitable about the Slayer without at least one of them saying "Oh yeah there was this thing this one time..."

Giant Dawn
It's amazing that something I was spoiled on so long ago still prompted me to burst out laughing when I flipped to the double-splash. It is my very favourite double splash, possibly ever, or possibly this month. Man, giant Dawn is crammed into that double splash. Because she's giant. Too giant, even, for a double splash.

BuffyHogwartsScotlandSoliloquoy
Love the two-page internal rant. Love it clean off. Favourite part of the whole shebang except that it's too damn short. Actually the whole issue is too damn short. It's tantalizingly low-key in the way that Buffy premieres usedta be when they was on the tee vee. And a three week "commercial break" just sucks. Plus, looks like I'm going to be in British fucking Columbia when issue #2 comes out. Timing is everything in this life.

The rat
Always hated the rat. Hope she's not the Big Bad.

The rat's boyfriend
I'm presuming the other foundling from the Sunnydale pit is some horribly decayed remnant of Adam. Why? Because that would be cool. If it all turns out to just be some mangy stray turok han I'm going to be really disappointed.

Bring me my
Faith, Kennedy, and big lumpy Giles. And Clem. And... did they kill Skip? Didn't that dweeb Wesley put a bullet to Skip? If not, bring me my Skip.

Posted by tederick at 10:30 AM in comix & joss
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BY ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE READ BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER. Now, for dollars or points, let's see if you can guess the identity of my favourite new Slayerette:

• The one with the Russian accent
• The one with the Scottish accent
• The one who doesn't talk
• The punky one in the green shirt with Molly's hat and the "rude girl" button

Ding, tell them what they've won Paul. Today was the first time I've ever seen an actual line of people outside the Silver Snail before opening. I had my physical this aft and blood tests and such, so I took the day off work, which lined up nicely with the buying of Buffy and also Cap and the aforementioned Hutt. Man, though, DH better get their shit together in time for Buffy issue 2. I work in fucking Scarborough.

Outcome of physical: I need to lose some weight. I already knew that. I'm about 15 pounds heavier than I was last year and I'd say probably 30 pounds heavier than what I'd like to be. I'm starting up with the exercise and the giving up of sandwiches. Although admittedly at 2:30 I stumbled out of the Uptown health centre blood-drunk and lusty and went to get some damn eggs benedict, because that's become my annual post-blood-draw tradition and I'll be damned if I'm giving it up, 30 pounds or no. But overall I'm optimistic, nay even excited, about increasing my exercise level in daily life and eating better generally. I shall use it as a tool to sharpen the mind to a razor-honed point! All the better for stabbing.

I'm actually looking forward to Lost tonight, for the first time since before the hiatus. They'd better pull off the Locke thing, though, cuz otherwise I'm calling it: this is the worst season by far. I understand what they're trying to do, but the writers have only succeeded in fragmenting the narrative to such a degree that there's almost no coherence to the story tension at all. It's like they took everything I complained about last season - too many characters, not enough focus on the core crew - and decided to make it worse by not just having characters underused in single episodes, but in fact not used at all for three or four episode stretches at a time. I mean, I'm as much as a Claire (hot) fan as the next guy (so hot), but last week's episode was utterly pointless. If this is a season about the Others, then tell me the fucking stories about the Others. Do a whole season with nothing but Jack, Kate and Sawyer as prisoners of the Others. That's a fucking season. That's a fucking risk, too, and a worthy one. But this constant darting back and forth between five or six ongoing storylines is just getting irritating. Honestly: kill Charlie already, nobody cares about this Cassandra shit Desmond is pulling. Have Jin go nuts and rip Sun's head clean off. Why not? What possible use will either of those characters have in the remainder of the series? Don't tell me Lost comes down to Charlie and Jin building some kind of space shuttle that gets them off the island. They'll have nothing to do with the eventual climax, and we all know it. Let the day players go, and let's get down to the real meat of the tale.

Finalement: last night Christ turned in the fourth draft of the script for Portrait of a Young Artist In My Bed, and I am satisfied. In point of fact, I laughed myself sick throughout reading it. So... yeah. Guess I gotta go make that thing now.

Posted by tederick at 4:13 PM in 4-8-15-16-23-42 & comix & jedi antics & joss & tederick films
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and the others worship him as a god-king

My arms are very tired. My bedroom reeks of polystone.

Posted by tederick at 12:30 PM in toys!
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Posted by tederick at 9:13 AM in extreme steve
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Happy equinox! I had my first kiss on this day, a long time ago. Felt a bit like falling down. (If I only knew....)

In light of the Angel Season 6 announcement, I was going to write a lengthy rant about the destruction of narrative complexity inherent in continuing the Angel storyline beyond the last moments of "Not Fade Away,"... but this guy beat me to it. And beat me soundly: that's one of the best analyses of the inherent problems with a fanbase that I've ever read. The key line being, "an inability to admit the structural requirements of the story." Which I am using slightly out of context, but should probably become the dictionary definition of "fan," or at least "fan in the 21st century." An inperturbably selfish, whiny little brat with no line of insight into the actual structures that made the thing they so adore, so adorable. Fuck Angel Season 6. We are into the dark times of narrative.

This is a good example of what I mean when I say the death of Captain America doesn't "mean anything." Ironically, it also lines into why I won't get with Facebook.

Something I become increasingly aware of year by year is the degree to which I am becoming an old person. There's the "way things should be" and the "way these kids today are now" and the widening gulf between the two, armed and enhanced by the growing awareness that I am presiding over the deaths of my favourite art forms. Which is utterly conceited nonsense, of course; the art forms aren't dying, they're just changing, and if (from my vantage) they're changing to the worse ([cough] 300 [ cough]), then the next generation of people like me will still call this the golden age, and only rail against whatever the next iteration after this one might be. Actually, the words that ring truer and truer by the day belong to none other than Abraham J. Simpson:

"I used to be with it. Then they changed what 'it' was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what is it seems weird and scary to me."

It is indeed the vernal equinox, an occasion which marks only the state of being exactly in the middle of two more interesting occasions.

Posted by tederick at 9:21 AM in comix & joss & poetical
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Honestly don't know where I took this from so if it was off your blog, I'm sorry. I wrote it in the middle of the night on Saturday. Rules are like this:

1. You can only say YES or NO!

2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you and asks!

I think the question must be "Have you ever...."

Made out with a member of the same sex? YES
Danced in front of your mirror? YES
Told a lie? YES
Regretted a lie so much that is hurt? YES
Gotten in a car with people you just met? YES
Gone home with someone you just met? NO
Been in a fist fight? NO
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? CONSTANTLY
Been arrested? NO
Left your house without telling your parents? YES
Ditched school to do something more fun? YES
Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? YES
Seen someone die? NO
Kissed a picture? YES
Cried at a movie? YES
Slept in until 3? YES
Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? YES
Played dress up? YES
Fallen asleep at work/school? NO
Felt an earthquake? NO...???
Touched a snake? NO
Ran a red light? YES
Had detention? YES
Been in a car accident? (NOT WITH ME DRIVING)
Pole danced? NO
Stripped? YES
Been lost? YES
Sang karaoke? NO
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? YES
Done something Illegal? YES
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? YES
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? YES
Kissed in the rain? YES
Sang in the shower? YES
Got your tongue stuck to a pole? YES
Ever gone to school partially naked? NO
Sat on a roof top? YES
Played chicken? NO
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? NO
Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? YES
Been told you're ugly by a compete stranger? NO
Been called names by a complete stanger? YES
Broken a bone? YES
Mooned/flashed someone? YES
Forgoten someone's name? YES
Slept naked? YES
Blacked out from drinking? NO
Puked from drinking too much? YES
Played a prank on someone? YES
Felt like killing someone? YES
Made a parent cry? NOT THAT I'M AWARE OF
Cried over someone? YES
Had sex more than 10 times in one day? NO
Had sex more than 4 times in one day? YES
Had/Have a dog? YES
Been in a band? YES
Drank 25 sodas in a day? NO
Shot a gun? YES
Liked this survey? BEH.

Okay, I cheated 4 times.

Posted by tederick at 2:49 PM in miscellaneous crap
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I just finished watching Brick for the second time. I want to eat that movie. So fucking good. Actually given that my original review was an unabashed rave from start to finish it's surprising I was so surprised to enjoy it this much today. But picking through it in the post-party haze, the mood cut by the flick perfectly matched the mood in the 3QF living room. Like oxygen masks and chipped glass.

Hey, my DVD profile is gone! Looks like the good folks at Invelos/Intervocative/whatever finally decided to stop giving us all our profilin' for free. I can upgrade to the new version of the prog but I've gotta actually put cash in the machine this time or I can't have more than 50 titles. Man. Less than 10% of my collection. Anyways I guess with the PC folding I'll take the opportunity to install virtual PC on Molly and put the new version of Profiler on there, paid-for and all. No sense paying for a license for a comp that may shortly catch fire.

Must say, I had a sting-dang bitch-honkin' good time at the unattended party last night, and the cleanup today wasn't too horrendous, and boy those breakfast tacos re-heat well. I even got a few minutes this afternoon to do some focused reassessment of where things are at, and my musings were useful. Now I gotta run some clothes up to the addiction centre drop box at O'Conner. Gonna take Wednesday off to do some doctor's appointments and other stuff, so it's a bifurcated wang of a week coming up and I need to clear my head.

Posted by tederick at 8:23 PM in movies & shinydisks
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If there's one thing that I can be thankful for about myself, it's that I know when to quit drinkin'. For one thing, if you drink a fuckload of water after you stop drinking alcohol you still keep getting drunker. The water helps the body metabolize the alcohol. So quitting drinking at 1:00 and switching to litres and litres of water was fine from a social standpoint and also fine from a recovery standpoint; by 3:30 I was frying up a whack of Sin City breakfast tacos while Chris gave the dissertation that all drunks give after they have vomited, about how much better they now feel. Yeah, poor Chris. He had to spend a solid half hour cleaning his own chunks out of the 3QF bathtub. Not so much poor 3QF though; it was our least-attended party ever, but nobody seemed to care, and the precious few who showed up had a good time. And we all got wasted off our ass - I seem to recall something about me lying in the stairwell removing my pants while Chris and Brandy snapped pictures of my jubblies. So although I will certainly be shopping for a new set of friends come morning, for now it's all eggy burritos and Pirates of the Caribbean and a pretty nice post-party glow. The muttons go off in the morning. What more could a boy want?

"I don't even know if I can sit down." - Chris
"You're sitting down, Chris." - Me

Posted by tederick at 3:54 AM in 3QF & foodin'
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• Anal bone-holin'
• The Irish
• Fezzes
• Jessica MacLeod a.k.a. Mennotits Macelod a.k.a. Wonder Woman
• The score from The Village
• Guacamole Doritos (Guoritos) (special thanks to Bex) (because she's awesome) (and festive)
• Typing

p.s. I'm drunk - special thanks to Bex Wood a.k.a. Wonder woman

"You gotta be careful when eating a giant green cock. Or so Chris tells me."
- Matt Brown

Posted by tederick at 11:50 PM in 3QF
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Kirk & Spock: Closer.

Jay & Silent Bob: The Fucking Short Version.

God dammit I gotta get St. Paddy's Day laid.

Posted by tederick at 1:18 PM in askew & sex (theoretical) & tv
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Let me tell you something: my commentaries are awesome. I give great DVD commentary. Not good DVD commentary; great DVD commentary. My director's commentaries are fucking informative. They aren't "on this day this happened and then this guy got sick and hey that shot is really cool." They're about why things are the way they are and where ideas came from and why this particular movie got made this particular way and so on and so forth. As a film fan I would listen to my commentaries with relish. If there was a Criterion DVD of my movies, it would be worth buying just for the commentaries. I'm not saying for sure, but I will say that there's at least an outside chance that some people would spank it listening to my commentaries because they just got too damn excited. And if there was a way to put a button on my jaw that would launch me into an alternate commentary track in daily life, I would install it. That commentary would be great too. Oh if only there were a way to allow me to publicly comment on my life as it happens! IF ONLY!

In other news, Warren Ellis doesn't get the Buffy sellout either. And I go where Warren Ellis goes.

Party at 3QF tonight; I have never seen so many cancellations, so it will be interesting to see what crowd we actually end up with or it'll just be five hours of watching Chris and Brandy play hide the leprechaun. (That's not a dirty metaphor. There's an actual leprechaun.) Before that I've got Terra to work on and I've also got to see if I can jerry-rig the PC together long enough to get some stuff off it that I need. Which I shouldn't have scheduled for today because I pretty much just want to lay around reading comics and eating cheese. And where the fuck is Jabba already?! I am totally waiting in vain for a Jabba won't come.

Posted by tederick at 9:51 AM in 3QF & comix & tederick films
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I think I just had the best scotch of my entire life. It's a 15-year-old single malt my parents brought back from Europe last year, which has been gathering dust on my shelf since then while I've been slowly draining other victuals in like kind. Dust-gatherer no longer: I think a dram of that stuff actually cured my entire week. Which was admittedly not a very good week. I was pretty damn depressed for most of it; March is just traditionally a really rough time for me, and a whole lot of things conspired this week to make that more the case than usual. But not any more. Post-scotch I am doing much better.

Hey here's some good news: Cate Blanchett in Indy IV. I'm going with she's either playing Elsa Schneider's daughter, or God. Either is fine.

Points against Indy IV: 1
Points for Indy IV: 1

We officially have ourselves a horse race.

So my old PC looks to finally be cruising towards its own grave-hole. This sucks. Now what the fuck am I gonna do when my stupid Mac does some whackshit stuff that nobody in their right mind can understand, like be unable to burn a DVD or process text files or something? Man. I feel cold and alone out here.

"Ivo Shandor was a fictional character in the film Ghostbusters. He was an insane, early 20th century architect and physician with a penchant for performing macabre and unnecessary surgeries (possibly as a cover for the worship of various evil deities) who designed the high rise apartment building at 55 Central Park West as a giant altar to the Sumerian god Gozer." - Wikipedia

Posted by tederick at 6:22 PM in dr. jones & foodin' & i hate mac
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Today's Vagina Fridays was guest-written by Bex. Bex is a fourth-year Women's Studies major at the U o' Gu'o, and writes a monthly sex column called Sex With Bex. You can e-mail questions for her column to bexualintercourse@gmail.com.

As exam times are approaching (which is relevant to me and not so much those of you our in the real world) I feel it's important to revert back to simpler times, where colouring inside the lines was enough. One of my favourite ways to de-stress in these wacky exam times is to colour a cunt. Yup, that's what I said.

One of the best stress relieving gifts I've received this year was the Cunt Colouring Book by Tee Corinne. This book is a collection of line drawings of women's vaginas that Tee Corinne did in 1973 for use in sex education groups. In the preface to the book she says "I wanted the drawings to be lovely and informative, to give pleasure and affirmation." The idea of turning the drawings into a colouring book is based in the notion as a child we learn to understand the world through colouring, in this way, colouring cunts is a way for people to "revision and reclaim this part of the body from which we have been estranged." When the book was first published in 1975 it was widely popular, but people complained about the "awful" title, so it was republished in 1981 under the euphemistic title Labiaflowers, and it's popularity died. No shit. It was republished under its original title in 1988 and is available in bookstores in the sex education and women's studies sections and has been doing much better since.

Personally I think it's excellent to zone out and colour a fluorescent green cunt with a bright purple clit and wild blue pubic hair. No thinking, just cunt colouring. Now I just need to find someone who will buy me a new set of crayons, because twenty-four is far too limiting. In celebration of Vagina Friday everyone should print off a cunt, colour it, and post it somewhere in your place of business.

Posted by tederick at 7:30 AM in vagina fridays
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I have had the following exact conversation three times since ten o'clock:

Me: Starbucks is giving away free coffee.
Someone else: Really? Where?
Me: Starbucks.

Posted by tederick at 11:39 AM in miscellaneous crap
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"Bad day. Started bad; stayed that way." - Melaka Fray

For fuck's sake Internet, I didn't mean "go get all the Buffy." You might consider leaving one single solitary fucking copy for your friendly Tederick.com webmaster who went to six different places and has heard "we're getting more next week" more times now than he ever wanted to in his entire mortal life. Selfisssshhhh!

I rolled out of bed this morning with a gaping axe wound where my head used to be, which admittedly was at least partially my fault. Actually crashed into a wall on my way to the water cooler, shortly after dragging my sorry ass into work. Like, hit an actual wall instead of a metaphorical wall. Had to chair a meeting at 11:00; not convinced anything I said made sense. Spent the day reading Fray (obviously) and listening to people tell me what they think about my dating life. It's amazing how many couple-y people have so much wit and wisdom about the whoreish nightmare world of the single life. But then, I write Vagina Fridays. So the misappropriation's going around.

I'm going to have to quit TnO because I just can't get my shit together on that any more. I'm going to probably have to go to BC in a couple of weeks but I'm gunning bigger for a trip to Boston in a couple of months. I've got a stack of e-mails I haven't gone through yet and comic book writing, movie writing, movie planning and movie planning planning to do that I haven't started. I feel "behind." I feel behind, the pheromones are acting on me like a motherfucker, it's warm when it should be cold and cold when it should be warm, I've got a nasty sheen going on and I'm not sure what clothes to wear. It's a goddamn topsy turvy everything these days, folks. Turvy and not fun.

Sometimes, I order pizza with anchovies. Sometimes I do.

Posted by tederick at 6:01 PM in comix & j-o-b & jedi antics
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Extreme Steve will return next week.

Posted by tederick at 8:18 AM in comix
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What is it that makes a person look like the person that they are? And is it possible that we all have slightly-varied clones of ourselves wandering around out there for little seeming purpose other than to disturb the minds of those who know us? Last night I saw someone who looked uncannily like someone I used to know, except that it was her perfected - slightly better fashion sense, slightly better hair, slightly better skin tone, slightly better overall body shape. It was goddamned alarming. It reminded me of when I tagged Keira Knightley as the Natalie Portman Improvement, a second draft of the original which had removed all of the flaws. (I no longer feel that way.) But if this has now been visually demonstrated to me on two unrelated occasions, then the real question is: where is the Matt Brown Improvement? Because there has got to be a dude wandering around out there who is everything I am hoping to see in the mirror every time I look into it, the me without all of the tiny little things that are less ideal than what I would want them to be. And if I ever met my perfected self, what would I do? What would I do?

OK, switch tracks: I got my Wolverine on last night. It is fucking hilarious. It's my way of reinforcing to the world that I'm out. People stare at me like I'm some kind of desperate Rasputin character. I really should have a sword on my person at all times when I've styled my face this way. Adam may take a Polaroid of it tomorrow. If he does then I will take a digital picture of that Polaroid and then resize that digital picture and post it to the blog. Analogue is so fucking complicated.

Teen Girl Squad smokes up every single day. I'm beginning to be really, really impressed with Teen Girl Squad. Half of me wants to go down there and join in but then what am I? I'm the far-out old man with mutton chops and an unperfected visual presence, sitting in the corner trying to keep up with the puppies. And that is just nervousmaking.

Posted by tederick at 2:18 PM in 3QF & poetical
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Did Lois just sleep with Bill Clinton?

Wait, did Peter just sleep with Bill Clinton?

Man, Clinton never got that kind of action on The Simpsons, he just ran around playing the saxophone. And Adam West continues to deny Burt Ward's tales of sexual hedonism back in the Batman days. It's a Family Guy fuckapalooza. Sex is weird.

This evening I had what I think might actually be the stupidest thought of my entire life. At around 7:00 while preparing my dinner I actually thought to myself, "I wonder if doing Daylight Savings a month earlier is going to have a negative environmental impact because the sun is out longer earlier in the year." Yes. I actually thought that. It took me another couple of seconds to remember the rules of the world I actually live on.

It's a two-Mamo Sunday! Mamo #76, Watch for the Watchmen, is up and running because MP and I couldn't resist commenting on this 300 scenario and what it means for the "Lord of the Rings of comic books." This time, we stayed sober the whole way through. (Unless you count being drunk on our own power.)

I am officially starting research for my pirate movie script, among the 38 other things I am doing. Savvy?

Surprise surprise: I'm not in the running for On the Lot. Another reality TV dream crushed! BURNETT!!!

Posted by tederick at 11:16 PM in podcastery & tederick films & the process & tv
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The other night Matty Price and I went to Jamie Kennedy's for a celebratory dinner, the kind of dinner where you spend a fuck of a lot of money trying out things you'd never try out if you didn't have a fuck of a lot of money waiting to be spent. We ordered six dishes and shared them all, and each one was absolutely phenomenal: pulled-pork poutine (the triple P!), chicken liver paté, some cod, some duck, a selection of Ontario cheeses that were mind-stunning in their awesomeness. A huge wine. ("That is a HUGE wine! I'm drinking tap water over here!") It was about a hundred and eighty bucks all told so it's not the kind of thing we can do every day, but damn, it's the kind of thing we gotta do every once in a while.

And then, just a little bit drunk, we went over to Starbucks and recorded a Mamo wherein we mused upon the ludicrous success last weekend of Wild Hogs. I mention this in passing, because with 300 screaming to the tune of seventy mil this weekend, another Mamo will shortly be in order.

Download Mamo 75 right here.

Posted by tederick at 1:23 PM in foodin' & podcastery
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It seems that my DVD collection falls into three basic categories:

A) Movies and TV shows I watch repeatedly, almost compulsively. (Examples: Batman Begins, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas, Buffy, Six Feet Under)

B) Various "significant works" of the genre which I watch once or infrequently but keep for purposes related to scholarship, history, and/or snobbery. (Examples: most of the Criterion DVDs, Schindler's List, The Simpsons, various films where I have endeavoured to have the complete set of the filmmaker's work)

C) Contemporary or classic movies and television shows I enjoyed at the time, purchased on DVD, and will likely only watch once. (Examples: Borat, House, Charlie's Angels)

The obvious question being, why do I have any in category C at all. And the answer is "the lure of consumerism"

Posted by tederick at 12:57 PM in shinydisks
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Some of us went to see 300 tonight; we even brought a Spartan (Demetre). What a useless little film. That movie is like a nightmare Sam Peckinpah had on his deathbed about what he his work had bequeathed to the future of film. I've certainly sat through worse movies, movies that are excruciatingly painful to watch. This wasn't that. This was just a non-event. There is not a single fractionary moment of human involvement in the entire thing; you don't care about any of it. And seriously: a 2 hour film with nearly-naked male bodies like that, and not a single homoerotic event? You can make Gerard Butler walk around like he's got a piece of Kevlar stitched under the skin of his abdomen but at no point can he grab Faramir and make with the bumfun? Useless! Boys sent into the wilderness to become men and not one of them can be caught whacking off behind a rock like that kid in Babel? Useless! That irritating new Hispanic guy from Lost playing a black Persian emperor eight feet tall and at no point in his hedonistic lust-parties can we be entertained by the torchlight shadow of his massive, uncircumcised member? Useless!

Man it's gonna be a shitty week with the number of people who are going to come up to me thinking that 300's the best thing ever and actually believing that I would, too.

Whatever, Burrito Boyz made it better. And it was a pretty good day overall. BlogTO has been fucking around with a radio show and I sat in to chat about my TTC post and other things, and in spite of the fact that there was a technical problem for the first half of the show which basically meant I wasn't on mike, it was tons of fun to do. I took a call during the show. (We sort of just saw a call-in number near one of the microphones so we just gave out the number and got a call.) The call was about naked Twister. I answered. It turned out to just be Tim's girlfriend but it was still pretty fucking exciting. And to top it all off, the engineer was a dude named 802! That's a large number for a fellow.

But more than any of that, it was just nice to get our first solid "spring is coming" day. I could walk around without my coat done up. I could work on the comic book and Captain Napalm in various coffee shops and do a bit of street walking and window shopping. I could stroll around after sunset and just enjoy the shimmer of the lights and the colour of the sky, and get some air in my lungs. That's all right.

When I got home on a ten minute pre-movie turnaround, I invented a song called "Some Fucking Weed Tonight." I think it's the second or third number in a musical, but I don't know what the musical is about.

Fuck a whole hour just disappeared on me! What?

Posted by tederick at 2:06 AM in blogTO & movies
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Last night we screened The Illusionist and The Prestige back to back at 3QF. (I've seen Prestige before but not the other one, and we had a variety of similar combinations in the crowd on the couch.) Of all our movie matchups at 3QF this seemed the most obvious and uninteresting yet it drew the largest crowd. Funny that. Anyways it was pretty much no contest; I thought The Illusionist was pretty terrible, digital intermediate and Paul Giamatti notwithstanding. I spent most of it waiting for The Prestige to start. Which itself is, of course, a whole other movie once you know the secret... and still so fucking good. There's that line in the flick where Batman tells the kid that you should never reveal the secret of the trick because as soon as you do they won't be interested in you any more, but I dunno, I was still pretty spectacularly interested in watching the way Nolan manipulates the language of cinema to misdirect and redirect and generally smoke out the series of assumptions he's going to need to you to have in order for the climax to work. After the film was over we had a rollicking conversation about it and about Batman and Wolverine and Bizarro Wolverine and Alfred/Alfie/Michael Caine and the guy with the jowls. And also about whether old people should be videotaped all the time, which admittedly has very little to do with magic.

Sort of irritated that the Prestige score is not available in iTunes or, apparently, in Canada. I'm tired of ordering stuff online. In the plus column though I've pretty much paid off my credit cards at last, including Molly the Macbook. So I guess a $12 CD isn't too much to worry about.

Hey speaking of 3QF, The Girls (downstairs) smoke a lot of pot. During the movies last night it kept wafting up through the vents like we were in some opium den in the 1890s, which fit the mood of both flicks rather precisely. Beats the fuck out of the incense anyway.

Still waiting on shaving the beard.

Wuh oh: the buncha guys from Spart look to be dominating. It's going to be one of those weekends...

Today is Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the TV show)'s tenth anniversary. Fancy that!

Posted by tederick at 10:52 AM in 3QF & joss & movie night & movies
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After months of fretting about the fact that there's been no trailer for Pirates of the Caribbean, it just occured to me today (after the trailer was finally announced for debut on March 19) that I like it this way. I don't know a sweet fucking thing about that movie. I got to the bottom of the announcement page and there was a plot description for the flick, and I didn't even read that. This has to be the first time since before Jurassic Park that I didn't have even a remote inkling about what was going to happen in a movie, and methinks maybe I should try to stay this way. Hey, why not? I think I got so inured to the inevitability of spoilers so long ago that I forgot that I could actually stand arms against them. I didn't know about Cap this week, and I don't know what the fuck they're gonna do to get Jack Sparrow out of the giant fanged anus into which he recently fell. No more Indiana Jrs., no more who's-gonna-die-next-on-Lost. No more need to sell me on anything. I will be there on May 22, Captain Sparrow, with a mickey of rum and a pirate hat. And that will do.

Meanwhile: HOLY FUCK.

Posted by tederick at 1:41 PM in movies
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Wow, three days after the TTC smear campaign and someone in Toronto actually said something that pisses me off more:

"Roads are built for buses, cars, and trucks. My heart bleeds when someone [on a bike] gets killed, but it's their own fault at the end of the day." - Rob Ford, Toronto City Councilor

His e-mail address is councillor_ford@toronto.ca; feel free to drop him a line!

Posted by tederick at 11:43 AM in blogTO & miscellaneous crap
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Teenwire's got a little Flash game designed to teach kids that even though "eacg [person's] genitals are made up of the same parts, but each one looks different." Both sexes gets a virtual Rockettes line of drawn examples, each of which can be highlit to shot the common components and the infinite variety in which they appear. I choose to take the use of the fig leaf scheme with irony.

The penises are slightly more enjoyable than the vulvas because you get the bonus of spring-loaded boner action, while the vaginas must continue to suffer the relative ignominy of the fact that clinical anatomy drawings never quite "get it," yoni-wise. Still, a very entertaining little gizmo (the Flash game, not the vulva, though I suppose the vulva could also be quite adequately described as "a very entertaining little gizmo") and worth passing round to the minors.

Also, they have excellent taste in green.

Posted by tederick at 7:44 AM in vagina fridays
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Seriously: spoiler edition.

Speaking of spoilers, somehow I managed to be the only person in the continental North America who didn't hear that Cap was getting killed in this week's issue. There was apparently a big report on it on CNN on Tuesday night (this is what passes for news), which resulted in the Snail selling out of issue #25 before noon, and all to "non-regulars" or so I'm told. Fortunately my guy (Michael? Fuck why can't I keep their names straight) was nice enough to shelter a copy for me.

I guess I'd find the Death of Captain America more interesting if I could believe for a second that any of it would last. Cap ain't dead, he's in a submarine somewhere being nursed back to health for an Extreme Steve-like resurrection in issue #31 or some other bulljive. Never any fucking consequences to anything any more. And that's annoying. I would much rather they actually follow through and make Frank Castle take up the mantle of Captain America for the foreseeable future; that would be a kickass storyline, nay rebirth, of the character and his icon. That's what Marvel really needs to start doing: moving the characters along; changing the rules in a lasting way. I'm all for massive change at this point. Seriously, how much more bad shit can we do to Matt Murdock? Get a new guy in there. Fuck, get a girl in the Daredevil outfit. Fuck up her life somethin' fierce in a way that would've made Matty bow at the knees and just keep her standing. I'm digging it.

(This is why they'll never let me and Chad write Daredevil.)

Somehow the flow gods worked in my favour this week because after Cap 25 I read Civil War: The Initiative, which is Bendis and Ellis' where-are-we-now follow-up / series of ads for post-CW comics. It was pretty awesome. Actually the Silvestri art was "awesome," and Jessica Drew was "awesome," and everything else was merely "interesting." Bendis owned my balls generally this week, because I also picked up the first issue of Mighty Avengers, the Avengers having now split in two ("Mighty" and "New"). But I think I'll stick with "New." I don't really wanna do both, and as much as my interest in Tony Stark has certainly increased lately, it's not high enough to want to deal with the Sentry or this Ares dude. Cool bit with the Wasp though.

I end-capped with Ultimate Spider-Man #106, because I loves me some Ultimate Daredevil written by Bendis. It's fresh and accessible and beautifully drawn. I'll hang on till the end on this one, just to fuck with my own rules. Summer's coming.

Posted by tederick at 10:57 AM in comix
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Son of a criminy, Shia The Beef is actually going to be playing Indiana Jones's son. That is so annoying. I don't like that kid and I don't like that concept. I suppose there's still an outside chance that it's just a small role not directly related to the core plot of the film, but knowing the druthers of Messrs. Spielberg and Lucas I'd assume that's unlikely. I assume little bitch is gonna be wearing Indy's hat by the end of the flick, after Papa jumps off whatever cliff Papa's gonna jump off, and that makes me shudder. The only thing I can say in this thing's favour is that at least LaBoeueuf looks passably like Corey Carrier.

Points against Indy IV: 1
Points for Indy IV: 0

Posted by tederick at 7:41 AM in dr. jones
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As my friend Stephen has been saying lately, I'M OUT. It's not even an abomination any more, it's a fucking apocalypse. I'M OUT.

Stephen has also been teaching me about sales skills this week. I spent the last two days in a sales skills class that he was facilitating. It was pretty fucking entertaining all the way through. I don't know if I've got the chops to make it as a salesman but I tell you one thing I know: I can improvise my way out of a paper bag. (Some folks in the class started calling me Jake Gyllenhaal. Not because Jake is a renowned improvisateur, but because I guess at some point he became the standing example of a white male actor in my age range. Go Jake go!) Man I wish I was this quick on my feet when I was in actual school. Learning is a whole other ball of beeswax when you are actually able to coherently assess the value of what you're learning on a minute-to-minute basis and make intelligent choices about your workflow as a result. It's a shame that education is wasted on those darned kids.

Meanwhile, on the weekend, I rattled off 12 pages of a new feature film script. I don't think it's going to go anywhere, at least not right now. It's a neat idea for a movie if executed correctly but to do it right I'd have to watch about fifty really good heist movies and do a bunch of work developing the characters, which just isn't on the roadmap right now with everything else that's going on. But yeah: straight, simple drafting. I miss that shit like crazy.

Posted by tederick at 6:02 PM in j-o-b & jedi antics & the process
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Posted by tederick at 2:49 PM in extreme steve
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Right or wrong, this is absolutely the most ill-conceived idea for an ad compaign in the long, sad history of ill-conceived TTC ad campaigns. What's next? "We're raising ticket prices again because we don't like what you wear"?

Mbari Hogun must be spinning in his grave.

EDIT 7:56 p.m.: My blogTO piece on the subject (you know, the one where I can't actually say "TTC go fuck yourself") is getting pretty wicked flow. And my Photoshopping skills are above reproach. And I swear to you, my nipples get hard the moment something I wrote hits Google News.

Posted by tederick at 4:25 PM in blogTO & miscellaneous crap
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A small green superball that I never bought, have never even seen before, just rolled out from behind my computer. I proceeded to bounce it. It nearly destroyed my room (or at least knocked a LOT of things down.)

Where did this superball come from and why is it here to torment me?

Posted by tederick at 10:52 AM in miscellaneous crap
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I've just finished re-importing a bunch more of the lost Tederick.comments from last year; it's a service I am happy to provide for you the reader. I've also learned how to store JavaScript in a separate .js file so that I don't have to update the Tederick Films menu on every page of the site every time I think of a new movie. It's the little things.

Last night Chris and Matty Price and I went to see Zodiac, and even waiting 2 miserable days to go see this flick was too long. That movie is cake. Here's a bit of my review: When Fincher goes behind the scenes, you see a filmmaker so consummately dedicated to the meticulous expression of his art form that learning about his craft is the film fan equivalent of pornography or fine wine or both. This absorbing attention to detail, to the things that make films great, is par for the course in Zodiac, and makes the film an unabashed pleasure from start to finish. Rest of the review is here.

I scuttled my snowboarding plans for today so I am now on Skybully's good humour. I am going to work on the comic and do some reading. Due to a disastrous leaving-behind of the Sarah Vowell book at my parents' place I am now reading three books simultaneously. (Well, almost simultaneously.) Fortunately Tederick.com is flexible enough to represent this. One of the books is about Sulu! Fancy.

Aforementioned snowboarding plans now gone, I would like very much for springtime to arrive soon. I intend to shave my beard once it's clear that I no longer need it any more... but I might go Wolverine for a week or two.

"Werewoofs! COWBOY werewoofs!" - Molly Hayes

Posted by tederick at 10:25 AM in books & reviews & tederickdotcomdotcom
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I don't know why, but this really turns me on. Fuck Philly, I gots ta get me to Ohio.

Yesterday I went round and round with a headache from the moment I woke up, and even though it never fully descended, by 2:30 in the afternoon I felt like my entire perceptive set had been shifted a quarter-turn to the left. I guess that means I won the battle but lost the will to live. I didn't feel quite right again until this afternoon after I had a steak burrito. What's the connection between near-fatal migraine duels and protein? Because this was not the first time I've noticed this effect.

Today Adam and I went to the robot fights! If you have the means to spend a Saturday watching robots fight, I highly recommend it. It was a little like watching Spellbound actually, in the "how could this possibly be interesting" factor turning into me screaming and shouting at the top of my lungs for two straight hours, and becoming righteously indignant when my robot ended up losing.

There was a badass robot called Juggernaut (might as well have been called I'm The Juggernaut Bitch) that pretty much dominated the competition, having been built out of a motorized wheelchair and bearing a pair of hooked fangs in the front of the transom that could dig into its opponent. There was a pair of sisters who had a robot apiece (a pink trapezoid called Pretty in Pink and a green cube called Baby Hulk) who were forced to fight one another in a horrifying display of Sister Against Sister. (It was the hottest thing I've ever seen. If you have the opportunity to see beautiful robot-building sisters duke it out by robotic proxy and then hug afterwards, do it. I mean, what more could I possibly want in this life than a girl who is gorgeous, friendly, clearly not averse to the machine shop, and builds killer robots? I mean seriously. I think I've just figured out What I'm Looking For In A Woman.) There was a robot with actual spinning saw blades on the front, that attempted (and failed) to do enough damage to Pretty in Pink during their match to disable it, and failed. Pretty in Pink took some nasty scarring on her hood, and then turned around and kicked the other robot's ass. Oh yeah, I loves me that pink robot and her robo-hottie mistress.

Anyways. Remember when I wrote that thing about CAYA and they gave me a whole bunch of free loot including a porno movie proclaiming to have the world's first zero-G cum shot? Well I was doing some spring cleaning this morning and I found that tape, which I was going to chuck unseen but then I figured chances like that don't come along often so I should at least have a look at it. Well first of all scrolling through a 2 hour and 20 minute porno on VHS is about the most mind-dulling thing ever. Second, all they did was turn the fucking camera upside down while the dude ejaculated. So fucking disappointing. Where's the technology, porn industry? Where's the effort?

"Mr. Gibbs, I feel sullied and unusual." - Captain Jack Sparrow

Posted by tederick at 9:11 PM in blogsphere & jedi antics & sex (theoretical)
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Now that we're in the run-up to the Buffy comic the coverage of Joss has been verging on the sickening... and I'm the sort of fella who recently agreed with a Snailer that if Joss told us to drink iodine, we'd drink iodine.

But that being the case, this is one of the best interviews I've read lately. Glad to hear Petrie's in the tap, looking forward to what BKV does with Faith, completely agree that the "Bonus Life!" line is what made Runaways into Runaways. And his description of the aborted Wonder Woman script is, in its own small way, surprisingly moving. At least, it gave me a quiver.

BuffyS8:#1 now scheduled for March 14.

Posted by tederick at 2:17 PM in joss
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I was watching Pirates of the Caribbean last night and there was a knock on the door and it was the new downstairs neighbour and she was HOT!!! Eyes as big as an animé character's, a gorgeous smile, and nice pants. She had come to borrow salt!! It was the most adorable thing ever. "Do you guys have any salt?" she said. "I think we do," I replied, and had I been proven wrong by the stores in our kitchen I would have jumped off the back deck, run to the IGA, and come back with salt for her. Because she was hot.

So as it turns out, there is no Scarborough Rapid Transit today. I got up early to get to work and everything and then found out I was going to be spending the back half of the trip on a shuttle bus. Screw this, I thunk to myself, and went to get some coffee and breakfast. I ended up tackling the RT issue about an hour later. My laissez-faire attitude towards weather problems makes it easier for me to skip school and do what I wanna in situations like this. Getting home tonight, however, is gonna suck no matter how I slice it, but I'm in a relatively good mood overall and wearing Etobicoke Fire gear in case there's trouble.

New Serenity DVD coming this summer. We shall be milked again! Shiny.

"Chris, you and I have very different definitions of the word 'hot.'" - Matt Brown

Posted by tederick at 10:17 AM in 3QF & jedi antics & joss & shinydisks
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We live in a day and time when Wikipedia Commons has some pretty useful pictures of vaginas that explain where everything is in a context that is not cartoony or otherwise distanced, aside from the general lack of pubic hair which is a subject for another Friday. I wish this had been here when I was a kid. It would have spared me my miserable lot of pouring over useless "human body" picture books and biology diagrams. My research was relatively thorough yet still, the first time I was confronted with an actual vagina in decent lighting, it took a mental step or four to actually connect the abstractions to the flesh.

The actual Wikipedia article for the vagina itself, too, has improved by leaps and bounds since the last time I looked at it; this is the value of wikis, I suppose, in that this link will stand on this blog post for years to come and yet in years to come the precise knowledge level I'm describing here will, no doubt, have been completely overwhelmed by the widening and deepening of knowledge that the wiki represents. Last time I was there it was two paragraphs and a diagram; now look at it. MyVag.net even gets a shout out at the bottom of the page. That's progress!

Posted by tederick at 7:23 AM in vagina fridays
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Well, that was hilarious: the storm hit T.O. and my office just emptied. I mean, we ran for the fucking hills, man. It was like a scene from It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad World.

Today my friend Rita and I realized that we both share our birthdays with fictional Harry Potter characters (Hermione for me, Ron for her). She thinks she also knows a girl who was born on July 31, and if so, we're all gonna get together go drinkin' and wave our magic wands. (Or one of them, at least.)

Posted by tederick at 3:55 PM in h-pot & j-o-b
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Last night, Rogers shut off 3QF's cable, PVR access, internet, and landline phone... just because. I then spent an hour and a half on my cell phone this morning (burning my entire month's worth of airtime, and it's not even noon on the first day of March) to get them to turn everything back on. I was hung up on twice. I spoke to nine different agents. I was over an hour late for work. By the end of my various conversations with this parade of Rogers call centre staff, I was a remark away from uttering actual death threats which would of course have been recorded to ensure call quality. Fortunately, I withheld.

As it turns out the entire affair was a parting gift from the aforementioned departing downstairs neighbours, who when setting up their Rogers service six months ago for their "temporary" residency at 3QF, pretended to be me. Then when they left, they continued to pretend to be me, and told Rogers to shut everything off.

You would think that given that Rogers was literally completely disconnecting 3QF from the World At Large - no phone, no internet, no provision for smoke signals - they might have troubled to make a follow-up call to the actual phone number attached to the account (i.e. mine) to verify whether I did, in fact, want my household to be returned to the gorramned stone age. But if the last five years have taught me anything, it's that a simple phone call is well beyond the pale of any telecommunications company.

"If someone stands in the way of true justice, you simply walk up behind them and stab them in the heart." - Ra's Al-Ghul

Posted by tederick at 10:33 AM in 3QF
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