I'm sorry, but look at these three:

I cannot believe they all actually managed to grow up hot. Rupert and Emma, there was a while there where I had my doubts. (More so Rupert, obviously. I thought that dude was going to end up looking like Mr. Burns in the X-Files episode where he's all gunged up on radioactive whammy juice.) But hey, they not only missed the ugly tree but I'm pretty sure they went at it with chainsaws and then had a naked bonfire. Hot hot hot! Man we've come a long way with those three. It's one of the few undiluted pleasures of this movie series: they actually kept the cast. (Except Disappointledore.)

Pirates tickets: achieved. I am thrilled to bits. Literally at this point, if I could, I would be doing absolutely nothing with my time but watching Pirates of the Caribbean parts 1 and 2 over and over again in rotation... the former being so enjoyable that there was actual whooping and cheering in my living room last week; the latter being a sequel that (at the time) I claimed had disappointed me. Boy has that opinion changed. I love the living toes off that thing now, no longer see a single flaw in it, no longer care, want Pirates 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10, and am despondent at Bruckheimer’s recent claim that no matter what, this is the end of the show. Fuck that! We get an unwanted Indy IV, Die Hard 4, a whole second Spider-Man trilogy, and god knows what fuck all else, but I have to settle for three measly Pirates movies? Hell no, Internet, hell no. Not this pirate. No.

I haven’t seen more than ten frames of the new movie, too, which is really cool. I’ve seen exactly one shot of exactly one TV commercial, and it’s Captain Jack waiting for a long, pregnant pregnant before exhaling the word: “pirates.” Yes fucking sir, pirates. Yes sir.