If my brother had a TV show, it would be called Everybody wants to be Adam's friend. It would be a single-camera sitcom like your Arrested Development or Malcolm in the Middle. It would be about how every person Adam meets thinks he's extremely interesting and then, in turn, wants Adam to think that they're interesting too, so they're always bringing him stuff that they did or made, like CDs or paintings or bank statements. And Adam wants none of it, so he spends the show on the run from town to town like The Incredible Hulk. So the end of every episode is Adam thumbing a ride on the Trans-Canada Highway, set to the "going away" music that they referenced on Family Guy. Because once again no matter where he was in that episode, too many people showed up who wanted to be Adam's friend, and life there could no longer be managed. So he left.

The theme song for Everybody wants to be Adam's friend is the Propellerheads' cover of "On Her Majesty's Secret Service." Other characters include our sister Caitlin (but not me), and Adam's sole confidant / travelling companion, an unstable drifter named Kradzinski. Adam and Kradzinski also keep a pet monkey as the third member of their unofficial team. The monkey's name is Bessarion.