By even a rough calculation, I now have between 200 and 400 unwatched hours of DVD entertainment in my possession. Today I compounded this by buying the tenth season of The Simpsons and the second season of The Muppet Show, each of which adds a tally of another ten hours apiece to the ever-growing pile of unenjoyed media.

I have therefore decided to declare DVD bankruptcy.

I, Matthew Brown, do hereby legally declare my inability to ever watch all of the DVDs I have purchased in the past 7 years. I extend this declaration to any and all ancillary DVDs collected and/or borrowed from outside parties. By this declaration I am seeking opportunities to discharge myself from any moral or ethical obligations contained hereunder, and to reassess the usage of my time along more coherent thematic lines than the ones implied by the ownership of 540+ DVD titles in various formats (movies, television shows, etc.). I seek the protection offered under bankruptcy terminology, most specifically that I will not be expected at any time in the coming period to watch any DVDs purchased or borrowed, or be expected to adhere to any timelines for the consumption of media properties, both alone and in groups. I must regretfully make public the understanding that any previous commitments made prior to this declaration are now, officially, null and void. Reparations will be made where possible.

Immediate tactics falling under this action:

• The divestiture, in whole or in part, of no less than 10% of the bulk total of my collection, including unwatched titles that cannot reasonably be expected to be viewed within the coming 2 calendar years;
• The immediate return of any and all borrowed DVDs to their original owners, unwatched;
• Mandatory 120-day DVD purchase probation;
• The cancellation of any standing viewing commitments, including Lost Wednesdays, 3QF Double Features, and so forth; and
• Entry into an addiction treatment program designed for DVD overpurchase.

Thank you for your patience and understanding in this difficult time.

"With God's help I'll conquer this terrible affliction." - Mark Renton