I AM EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH, INTERNET!!! Wowsers. Only took two damn years but man that's satisfying. I used my corporate points to buy a 3-man tent. I was going to go with a gardening tool set that comes in an attaché case, because I figured it would be like I would be the gardener equivalent of a contract killer: I'd show up in your back yard and be like, "We are doing some fucking gardening, bitch" and then whip out my annodized grass shears. But no, I went for the tent instead because now when the apocalypse comes I can just lit out for the hills with my tent on my back. Aragorn-style. It pays to be forward-thinking on matters of the apocalypse; the post-apocalypstic wastes will offer little opportunity for gardening (due to soil atrophy).

I haven't even bought the Blu-Ray player and it's already giving me trouble by way of the format war. Two titles are out of my reach: the forthcoming Zodiac special edition, which is a Paramount title and therefore format-specific; and Transformers, which is a godawful movie but man fucking sweet pants do I want to own that on Blu-Ray. In fact, it was the flick that kicked off the entire Blu-Ray decision in the first place because who doesn't want ultra high definition splendourific awesomeness of Megatron trying to crush Shia LaBeouf like a bug? Stupid DVD companies and your wars! Don't you see it's your war, but our world??? Shame.

My new hoodie has thumb holes. Oh, I love it. But remember: you can't marry a hoodie. A hoodie cannot love you back, even with thumb holes. It can only keep you warm and make you feel awesome.

Iorek and Lyra are on the wall of the Scarborough Town Centre across the street, sixty feet tall. It's going to be a glorious winter.