"Captain Teach assumed the cognomen of Blackbeard from that large quantity of hair which, like a frightful meteor, covered his whole face and frightened America more than any comet that has appeared there a long time.... In time of action, he wore a sling over his shoulders with three brace of pistols hanging in holsters like bandoliers, and stuck lighted matches under his hat, which, appearing on each side of his face, his eyes naturally looking fierce and wild, made him altogether such a figure that imagination cannot form an idea of a Fury from hell to look more frightful."
         - from "The Life of Captain Teach" in A General History of the Robberies & Murders of the Most Notorious Pyrates

I went all the way up to the yogashoppe only to find it unceremoniously closed for this three-day weekend that all Ontarians but myself (and 60% of the rest of us) do not get to enjoy. Curses! So, I came back home and played Super Mario Galaxy. That thing is crazier than hell. It makes me wonder: does Mario even remember that he used to be a plumber? Or is it all just comets and stars and the ability to turn water into ice just by the consumption of a mushroom?

Gaining purchase on level 1, I switched over to a little classic Super Mario Brothers, and as my score was so greatly improved over my last similar co-venture, I must forcibly conclude that my previous weak performance was because girls have cooties and cooties inevitably destroy a boy's ability to play video games. This latter statement was the most important thing I learned in Grade 4.

I know it's a big awesome Internet and all, but when the guy who designed the tattoo that is on my arm actually comes along and joins in on the Tederick.comments, I get minor Saturday morning goosebumps. Now if I could only get Bendis to comment on my plan to throw an egg at his head and the subsequent ignominy (1, 2, 3), I'd call myself well-connected.

Let's close with a monument to ingenius geekery that has even me, who is known in these waters (and others) for some serious nerdelingerness, quivering in his custom-made Jack Sparrow boot-toppers: Rebelscum.com, which is named for that guy in Return of the Jedi who says "you rebel scum," has partnered with Gentle Giant to offer a limited edition mini-bust of the guy in Return of the Jedi who says "you rebel scum," which will be available only from them, and will contain a microchip which allows it to say "you rebel scum." I mean... fuckin' A. To live in a world where such things are possible. I'm calling it: the expansive, absorbing world of geek fetishism has finally, gloriously peaked. It's downhill from here.

Right. More peanut butter cookies, a bit more Wii, then off to D-Coc's to deconstruct(Coc) his brain.