The goddamned miserable couch scenario finally got concluded last night and after several hours of toxic toil, I have a couch. A pretty spiffy couch that turns into a bed, so that I can have house guests. As far as I can tell (having received no information on this whatsoever from any educational institution, wise elder, or What To Expect book), the process of becoming a grown up is marked by the following pegs:

• The ability to host dinner parties
• The ability to have people from out of town sleep over
• Formally engaging some kind of financial "retirement plan."

I didn't sleep well and hate every single thing about the world this morning, except for maybe the couch, which I have not actually turned into a bed yet and might be awesome.