"...as plate after plate of fluffy poached eggs, cartilaginous peameal, and lakes of sunshiney goo continued to pile up over time, I realized that if I don't start catalogueing these excursions in some formal manner, a great field of human knowledge would be lost. Hence, the Benedict Chronicles..."

They call it the Heart Attack Benny, and it costs $13 (taxes in), and it lives up to its name. It's worth publishing a snap of the menu from Disgraceland here, because it says the story better than I can:

Son'bitch. So first off, we're doubling up on pork: you've got the peameal and some ham. Second, skip bread products altogether and replace the English muffin with slices of fried tomato, which adds a peculiar acidic bite to the initial impression but also makes you feel less like a painted whore when the meal's done.

Oh there's cheese on it - oh boy is there cheese on it. And chipotle hollandaise, which is as trendy these days as vitamin water and going gluten-free combined. And them hash browns don't suck either.

On the whole I'd say the Heart Attack Benny is well-named. It is not perfect - for one thing, it is so skull-fuckingly excessive in its pursuit of gluttonous decadence that it comes off a bit like a car crash in the mouth. The twin porks fight each other like Mickey Rourke in Sin City vs. Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler, i.e. not terrifically different in characterization but boy howdy, are they gonna wail on each other until one of them is down. Additionally, the freshness of the tomato might save the soul a bit, but it certainly distracts the mouth in the overall cavalry charge towards creamy, salty death that is the rest of the meal. And to pile insult onto edible injury, all the grease makes the HAB frustrating from a flavour management perspective - just you try to get all of the food elements together onto a single fork. It's like eating a triple decker sandwich made of mayonnaise and gravy.

Still, I am impressed by the bravura and am willing to award points on style, and just for having survived the fucking thing. Three and a half eggs out of four!

Disgraceland is located at 965 Bloor Street West in Toronto. The Benedict Chronicles is an ongoing, non-regular series.