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March 24, 2009

"Guys... where are we?"

Lost, as a series, is the answer to the question Charlie asked at the end of the pilot episode. It is the answer both literally and figuratively: literally, because the series will in its 117 episodes serve to answer this dangling question of the nature of the new reality that the survivors of Oceanic Flight 815 find themselves in; figuratively because the current - though not eventual - answer for all our characters is, more simply, "lost." And because of this, the true willpower behind the show is slowly becoming clear. Some of the initial mysteries of the series - the monster, the Others, the walking dead people - will likely be answered, and others likely will not, but either way, the slowly-assembling understanding of the series as a whole is also showing it to be astoundingly, and almost frighteningly, prescient science fiction for the America of this decade. Not the stomp-around-the-world-and-be-jerks America, mind; rather, the existential quagmire of the regular people just trying to get back to some sense of "home."

"Guys... where are we?" framed what could be called the "aggressive expansion" period of the Lost mythology. For about sixty episodes following the moment Charlie posed that question to his friends (and to the audience), enigmatic clues that both seemed to widen the poser and define its answer piled up on a nearly episode-by-episode basis. Smoke monster, walking Christian, Walt with the birds, whispers in the jungle, Others and Dharma, hatches and numbers, magnetic chambers and time travel, the "magic box" that can create anything, seeing the future and flashing to the past, a man who does not age walking out of the jungle to talk to a man in a wheelchair who can now stand on his own two feet, etc., etc., etc., all circulated into a kind of orgy of creative unburdening that - with The X Files firmly in mind - might well have been going nowhere.

Our gaze was forced, instead, upon the characters; endlessly, relentlessly, past the point of annoyance and almost to the point of giving up on the show altogether, while the mythology elements (seemingly) spun their wheels. Three long years of flashback after flashback after flashback - some with enormous twists and reveals at their center (Locke and that wheelchair, the Ballad of Rose and Bernard, and I am still quite fond of finding out the meaning of Jack's tattoos), others barely elevating above movie-of-the-week (anything involving Sawyer and a con; anything involving Hurley and anything). Here, though, was a kind of unseen point - not just, who are these people? What do they mean? But more importantly, are their lives before this (or after, in season 4) actually better than their lives now?

Charlie's question - "where are we?" - was tantalizingly extended in the third season, once all concerned were relatively certain that our heroes were not, in fact, stuck in Purgatory or some other godforsaken Miltonian or Manichean construct. Locke's father - whatever the fuck his name was - said to Sawyer, "If this isn't hell, friend, then where are we?" offering, without a moment of knowing it, an even more cogent statement of the series' mission than even Charlie had in season 1. By tacitly dismissing ("if this isn't hell") the inevitable American religious interpretation from the list of what-is-the-Island contenders, Seward/Sawyer/Cooper/Whateverthefuck likewise positioned the true question at the heart of not just the show, but the world: if we are neither in heaven nor heaven's dry run, what are our responsibilities to the now?

The positioning of the now - in and around flashbacks and flashforwards and flashpresents - makes it all the more plain that in Lost, Lindelof and Cuse (and to at least an initial extent, Abrams) have created the great pop mythology of this decade of American life. The series arrived in 2004 - at the end of the first term of the Bush administration, three years after 9/11; a cogent point in time where this decade could be said to have formally defined itself through issues of potential environmental catastrophe, brutally dangerous geo-political co-existence, and even the sort of shadow conspiracy mistrust of higher-ups that marked the 1990s great mythos, The X-Files. On Lost, American culture is world culture - the nods towards globalism in the principal cast (at first, two Koreans and, more importantly, an Iraqi) are still so America-centric that one need not even notice that there was, apparently, only a single Australian passenger on a flight from Sydney to Los Angeles. (Even she was just trying to get to the States.) Everyone is America-bound in Lost, but no one is there yet.

But this is no Purgatory, and just as surely, the forward action of the first several years of the show - Jack's rational, strong-willed efforts to do exactly what one would expect of a leader in such a situation, getting the castaways off the island - was shown to be a false god. Jack got off the island, all right, and just as quickly (to us, thanks to that now-glorious 3-year ellipse that takes place between the parallel narratives of the final episode of the third season, "Through the Looking Glass") realized he should never have left. It is an understanding that, it seems, will come upon all of the characters over the course of the series. For Rose and Bernard, or more importantly for John Locke, it arrives almost immediately; for Sawyer, it takes a day of capering with the boys in the Winnebago (or perhaps an excursion to 1977) to make him realize that he's exactly where he wants to be. The further the series goes along, the more plainly irrational the rational desire to leave the Island becomes: because even with smoke monsters and Jacob and Others and Dharma sharks, who wouldn't want to be there, on that island, in that palace of perfect Hi-Definition green? Who would want to leave?

And certainly not us, either; the pleasure principle of Lost has now abounded our relationship with the show and turned it over into pure cultural synthesis. I once categorized, and dismissed, Lost as little more than visceral, visual pornography in television form, pure pleasure with no soul; and while my view at that time was embarrassingly short-sighted, it also held an element of recategorized truth. The frenzy of the visible, or of visual pleasure, is Lost's onscreen metaphor for the deeper reality of the Island and its relationship to all the castaways. Observe the simple democratic variation between off-island sequences and on-island ones. Off the island, there is less colour, less camera movement, less vegetation, less intrigue. On the island, the entire world is a big bright day-glo Pandora's Box of awesome, exploding in every direction in frenzied, hyper-acute action cinema. I know which one I find more appealing.

Remember: are their lives before this, actually better than their lives now? If the castaways are all "lost," then by admissions such as the above, so are we. And so Lost both furnishes the escape - for the characters, the attempt to escape the Island; for us, the escape, Narnia-like, through a wardrobe and into a perfectly actualized otherspace that is as glorious a fantasy as we could ever hope to imagine - and the analysis of the fraudulence of that escape. Why is Jack clawing, scraping, grasping to breach the boundary wall - to break through that audible "woosh" - that separates the Island from the flashbacks/forwards/presents (where everything is so horribly ordinary and plain and concrete) when he could be here, at this moment, in the Paradise of the Now? Who would want to leave this place?

There are two moments of pure exaltation on the show, and both are bound in the simple pleasure of being in the place that you are, and enjoying what you have. The first is the "Wash Away" montage at the end of the third episode, and the second is the "Shambala" montage that closes "Tricia Tanaka is Dead." No threat of afterlife here - what peace can be found is found, as the precisely-chosen lyrics point out, on the road to Shambala.

If Charlie posed Lost's first question and Seward/Cooper/Locke's Daddy posed the second, I think someone, at some point, will pose some variation of that last line - "who would want to leave?" - as the third and final question; the grand, spiritual epiphany. I've spoken before about Desmond's "you have to lift it up." I think I'm beginning to know what that line means, for the Lostaways, and for the rest of us.

March 8, 2009

The fear

Sitting around in the apartment, doing contract work, whittling down what precious little weekend I have been afforded in between my two mega-work-weeks.

Here's what happened last night, and it still confuses and upsets me: at 4 in the morning (new time), I was woken by what I took to be gunshots. I then heard someone engaged in a heated argument. I don't think they were actually gunshots, but they were fucking loud, whatever they were; when they repeated 15 minutes later (four or five quick BANGS! in a row), the entire building seemed to shake. I think someone was breaking through a wall with a sledge hammer. (That's not a joke. That's actually what I think.)

Anyway, here's the confusing and upsetting part: I didn't do a goddamned thing. I was so panic-stricken by my upon-waking assessment of either gunplay and/or murder, that I literally sat in my bed and shivered, convinced that someone was going to try to break into my apartment with whatever the hell they were hitting the walls with. Whatever was going on (I think it was happening in the apartment directly below mine), it continued sporadically until about six in the morning and then it stopped. My fight-or-flight instinct stayed on "flight" i.e. "stay the fuck away from anything to do with this" until about ten a.m. today.

Normally, potential gunshots + angry shouting = call the fucking police, moron, doesn't it? I'm pretty disappointed in myself.

Having now completed the first five extremely enjoyable days of Sarafinapalooza 2009, I am padding about the homestead trying to get through significantly more webworks than I had banked on when receiving the assignment a week ago. The ground remains gritty underfoot. I think one of the principal reasons I identify with the cast of Lost so much is that I, too, live on a beach. Perhaps when Seasons 1 and 2 come out on blu-ray I will import a small sandbox and play in it. I could make a smoke monster out of old socks, and an Egyptian statue out of Zam.

Six hours later, and I'm done.

March 7, 2009

Isis and Osiris

Well, having had more than my fair share of experience with the Egyptians, I feel rather like I should have been able to figure that one out on my own. I'm a dumb.

Way to call out Guyliner's eyeliner, Sawyer LaFleur!

The baby's clearly Jacob-related, so... which Shephard is it? Is it Ray?

March 1, 2009

Losturbation

This week's episode had a nice "tying up loose ends" feel to it as we get near the end of the show. Walt? DONE. Helen? DONE. Matthew coolest-name-ever-in-the-ever Abaddon? BEN DONE BLOWED HIM AWAY!

It didn't take a giant leap of creative logic to presume that Locke would be reanimated when he arrived back at the island, but it was nice to see nonetheless; we're finally at the point in the series where enough direction has been provided to be able to make the big guesses on how things connect. So, since it's Sunday morning and my tea has yet to steep, let's conduct a big fat Lost theorizemo....

Jack is Jacob, and Jacob is Jack. Been pushing this for a while and still strongly believe it: Jack's destiny is to ascend to a higher level of consciousness (he is, after all, the show's "ultimate" hero) and become more than human.

For the romantics out there, this (of course) means Kate will not "end up" with Jack (he is going to move to his higher purpose); it's been relatively obvious for a while that she simply is not in love with him, and is in love with Sawyer, and Jack is going to have to reconcile this (because he is still so very much in love with Kate). Kate and Sawyer will be together before series' end.

I believe that the show will have a "happy ending," i.e. the characters we care about will have their destinies properly fulfilled and not end up at the bottom of the Dharma mass grave with Ben cackling over them. This happy ending might be somewhat ambiguous in Jack's case - he is heading for a self-destroying, civilization-saving ascendence to a higher plane of consciousness, after all - but for the "regular humans," a happy ending is in store, one in which their base character needs and fulfillments will be answered.

For the ending to be happy in the eyes of the audience, Jin and Sun must end up together, healthy and happy. They're not alone: Rose and Bernard must also be together and happy. Since these two couples would probably differ on where they would need to be in order to be happy - Jin and Sun back in the real world with their baby, Rose and Bernard on the island with the total lack of cancer - it would seem that the series will end with characters either staying on the island or leaving it as per their own choice.

The island was always displaced in time. I don't know what changed when a) Desmond turned the key and b) Ben spun the wheel, but it seems more like the mechanism of being unstuck in time became altered or defective, rather than an initial unsticking itself taking place. There is a timeline on the island that roughly corresponds to the timeline of the real world, but time on the island (as in Narnia) moves differently - at varying rates of speed, for example - than in the real world.

The time mechanism will be engaged to resurrect various characters. I believe the Eloise Hawking "nothing can be changed" theory, itself, is going to be thrown down in the climax of this show. I can't believe for a second that any American television program is going to be about "you can't change what's going to happen to you." This is antithetical to the entire American way of life, so I think Daniel & co. - possibly by the end of their current 70s Dharmawalk - are going to figure out a way to actually change history. "Unstuck" individuals, like Desmond (and Keamy?), who are not subject to "the rules," might be key to doing this. The island is not finished with Desmond, after all.

In terms of the audience's satisfaction, I suspect Charlie is the strongest contender for resurrection, and I would not be surprised to see Alex, Claire, Ana Lucia, Charlotte, and Boone and Shannon. Eko will not be resurrected because he has already returned to a perfect, childlike state via his apotheosis in confronting the Smoke Monster.

The true identity of the Others, and of Richard Alpert, and their relationship to the Smoke Monster and the four-toed god, are the last remaining "big rocks" of the Lost mystery. The series has done an exceptional job of keeping this arc brewing for nearly five years without tangibly demonstrating many possible avenues of answer.

In the first episode of the second season, which I continue to think one of the most significant (if not the most significant) episodes of the entire series, Desmond meets Jack for the first time (?) and tells him, "you have to lift it up." I believe we are going to find out what that means.

February 27, 2009

Now officially thinking about this too much

In my dream I became certain, and I was going to blog it the moment I woke up - The Island is the Ark. Goodness, it sounded so plausible while I was asleep, except for when you realize that it has nothing to do with anything.

Well, at least I'm dreaming about television instead of work. That suggests an upturn in my mood. Next week I might dream about sex, and after that flight, and then I'll be back to good.

Ten degrees and rainy! I may go to work naked.

February 24, 2009

I! Am! Megatron!!

Megatron, motherfucker! He's back and this time he's a tank! A TANK! Boy I wish I could transform. I could be anything.

I'll tell ya, I am a developing a sickly parasitical relationship with the suckness that is the Transformers movie franchise. I think it was when I was watching the Blu-Ray a couple of weeks ago and thought to myself, 'you know, the design of the new Megatron isn't that bad,' that I realized I had a problem.

Speaking of problems, here's a fella can't get hired for shit, so he decided to go bananas on Craigslist. It's so filthy, internal security won't even let me open it on my work computer. (Which makes me wonder how they're gonna handle a post that starts with the words "Megatron motherfucker.")

Let me take a minute (once again) to wax Michael Giacchino's car. Any man who trots out John Williams' Lost World theme for the Oscar telecast deserves a bit of praise. I downloaded the 3 Lost season scores, and though I always liked the music on the show, I don't think I had a clear understanding of how freakishly well-laid-out it is until the "John saviour" theme got brought out rather subtly in one track at the tail end of season 1. This Giacchino dude really did map the whole thing out, huh? By the time you're into the mid-third season the thematic relationships are nothing short of mind-boggling (and oh so listenable). He must be one of six people in the world who actually knows what the frick the end of the story is. New Best Composer Ever?

"He walks among us, but he is not one of us." - Jack Shephard's tattoo

"An Eagle Cleaves the Emptiness" - Matthew Fox's tattoo

(...BUT WHICH IS THE REAL TATTOO...??)

I think about Lost, and (unrelatedly) life, a lot these days.

February 21, 2009

The pendulum swing

I have an uneasy relationship with Lost this season. Longtime readers will remember that I've had similar periods before, so I almost feel foolish about it; at the end of most episodes this year I feel relieved, "See, that wasn't so bad," as though some weight of crapulence has descended on the show and is only barely being lifted on a weekly basis. Something about the storytelling just rubs me wrong, right now. With the long-questioned flashback structure negated at last, the show seems rushed, and vacant, and hard to follow. There's too much going on. Jack - who is still, as far as I'm concerned, the hero of the series - has been sidelined to day-player status until this week's episode, when he finally seemed to become the lead again; but in doing so, we went no further than that, or no deeper. It's as though with 4 seasons of character relationships set up, the writers have decided "Well, you know enough about them now; let's just see them act, rather than be." If each season prior has defined itself with a core thrust - the island, the hatch, the Others, the freighter - and this one is "the time travel"... well, it's either unaccountably daring that they have reformulated the structure of the show to so closely approximate the time-jumping island on which our characters reside, or it's just plain madness. Each episode comes with held breath. I wonder how the season as a whole will feel on Blu-Ray.

This piece, in which Ebert eulogizes Gene Siskel on the 10th anniversary of his death, is predictably lovely.

To further cover off the backlog, I didn't like Dollhouse really very much at all. The pre-show expectations hold true: this show is not appealing. It doesn't have a premise. It doesn't have a main character, and it doesn't have, really, an idea of any kind at all. Or at least that's how it feels, given how spectacularly badly thought out the pilot was. Can someone explain to me: why, if your daughter was kidnapped and you needed a hostage negotiator, you would (instead of hiring an actual hostage negotiator) hire someone who had been mentally programmed to think they're a hostage negotiator? Was that covered somewhere, and I missed it? I don't understand what advantage the Dollhouse presents, in any of the engagements depicted in the first episode. If you wanted a high-price whore to spend your birthday weekend with, why go to the additional expense and trouble of a mind-programmed prostitute, rather than a real prostitute? Just so she can race bikes? Why send a tactical operative into a safehouse who has never actually held a gun before, but only thinks she has? This pilot is proof that you can't actually develop an entire series concept in the bathroom while waiting for the fish course to arrive. Oddly enough, with a 13-episode order and a million-and-change bump on viewership from Sarah Connor an hour before, it might survive to the summertime, and lord knows, that first season of Buffy was crappy too. But it wasn't stupid. The first episode of Dollhouse is stupid.

February 19, 2009

Items!

ITEM!: Domain nameserver migration still pending. All may be lost but I just can'ts not be bloggin' no mo'.

ITEM!: On Sunday, I watched Kill Bill, and every time I do that, I come away wanting to do it again the very next day.

ITEM!: On Monday, I stayed in the best hotel that has ever been. I would show you the pictures, were I not nude in all of them.

ITEM!: Did anyone hear that Kim Manners died? That's sad, man. He was a class act, and his work on X-Files did, of course, set the stage for pretty much everything kickass about Lost.

ITEM!: I HAVE NOT WATCHED LOST YET SHUT UP.

ITEM!: No you shut up.

ITEM!: No you shut up!

ITEM!: Lando!

January 30, 2009

I want a Daniel Farraday action figure.

The accessory would be awesomeness.

Yeah I'd say that was the best episode in north of a year. I'll tell ya one thing: that director (Rod Holcomb) sure shot the hell out of that show. Do you figure he got the script and thought to himself, "what can I do to make the island- which we've seen in every episode for five years - look completely different?" Cuz however he conceived it, it paid.

Today I wear the pirate heart. Because I'm in love. (Not with anything Lost-related. Just in general.)

January 25, 2009

Lord of the Da Vinci Code

Mama Farraday was using the Foucault's Pendulum (and her computer) to determine escape vectors from whatever space-and-time conduit whamma jamma a) deposited Ben and the polar bear in the Tunisian desert, and b) can therefore jump the O-6 back to Lost Island in exactly 70 hours?

Is this season('s 2007 storyline) going to take place over just the 70 hours it will take to get the O-6 to that church standing on that very spot, before blinking them back to the island and into next season? Lost does 24?

(This kind of episode-by-episode spitballing is annoying, but right now I just gotta get it out of my system.)

"Oh I think choo-choo knows better than that. He goes into that tunnel, he's never coming back out." - Kate

January 24, 2009

Your (belated) Lost discussion entry

Now that I've finally seen the two-part season opener, it's time to download my personal state-of-the-nation on the what-the-fuck-fest. And just to not be a dick about it, I'll even do it after the jump.

More after the jump...

January 21, 2009

GOD. DAMN. IT.

THEY MOVED LOST OFF CTV AND IT'S ON SOMETHING CALLED CTV A AND WHAT THE FUCK IS CTV A AND NOW I CAN'T WATCH IT ANY MORE AND I HAVE TO DOWNLOAD IT AND WAIT TILL IT'S DONE AND EVERYBODY'S GONNA HAVE SEEN IT BEFORE ME AND WHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Boy the best day ever turned into the worst day ever in a hurry, huh?

Well anyways. I was sick today. I lay in couch-bed and watched movies. I watched Madadayo, Man with a Movie Camera, and Une Vieille Maitresse. All foreign films. This forced me to keep my eyes open and not get lazy. And I was quite pleased to enjoy Maitresse just as much as I did at TIFF last year, for sometimes your festival experience can fool you. It really is quite good. I'd recommend it to anyone (who would enjoy startling sex scenes and an enormous amount of drawing-room conversation en français).

I read Dark Avengers #1 today, and I'll say this for Bendis (in addition to all the other Bendis-suck I regularly perform): man knows how to write the first issue of a new Avengers book. Every single time he has to do a "let's put together the team" issue (which, by my count, he has now down forty-six zillion times), he not only gets the pomp and circumstance all juicy and nice, but he somehow manages to trick the shit on its way out. Like how all but two of the people on page 4-5 of that issue aren't who you think they are. That's dark.

(I assume this means, btw, that Mighty Avengers is kaput. I mean I know Dan Slott's writing it now, but based on the New Avengers vs. Dark Avengers fold-out poster that my comic book guy put in the bag for me, it doesn't sound like the M.A.'s gonna be terribly relevant in the coming months.)

Anyone who spoils anything from tonight's episode of Lost, before I get to watch it, will be shot. On the spot. Actually, I'll probably just stop answering the phone and checking Facebook or engaging with the world in any way until I know what the funk went down. (It was rather adorable, today, watching over half the Facebook statuses become Lost-related before the end of the day.)

CTV A. Ugh. CTV A, I ask you.

This year's Sayid

Who will be this year's Sayid?

The first season's Sayid was, obviously, Sayid.

Season two's Sayid: was Mr. Eko.

Season three saw the advance of Desmond as that year's Sayid.

Last year, clearly, the most excellent Dr. Daniel Farraday was the Sayid.

This year, to the best of my knowledge, there will be no tailies, no hatchies, no new others, and no freighter folk. What new population of people will supply this year's Sayid?

My guess for this year's Sayid: Guyliner.

Wheeeeee!


Because the island moves backwards and forwards in time, you can already order Season Five of Lost on Blu-ray. Shipping date TBD.

January 18, 2009

Walk like a dog for all crossings. Walk like a dog for all crossings.

I've said this before and I'll say it again, the only real problem I have with winter is the quantity and weight of the armour. I just walked from my place to Bay and Dundas and back, and I am frickin' wiped and my back hurts. Hey: while we're on the subject of stuff I've said before, the retail industry can/must self-destruct within the next decade. I can't remember the last time I went to a chain store to buy something, and actually found it on the shelves; nor can I remember the last time I walked into a chain store and didn't find them blowing out merchandise at bargain-basement prices to clear room that they can no longer afford to clog. The methodology of stocking and then selling items in a large-scale environment just doesn't make sense in the new economic landscape. (Nor does ordering everything online, unfortunately, due to environmental impacts.) I guess that means the real answer is: stop buying shit altogether. Which the econopocalypse will, of course, shortly make viable. Woot for our team!

The good news is, the rest of the world might be falling apart, but I can now command 80% predictability accuracy on the scramble crossing at Dundas Square.

I went to see The Fly last night, not the Jeff Goldblum one, the Vincent Price one, although Vincent Price is barely in it and certainly doesn't get turned into a giant fly which would be awesome. ([Vincent Price voice] I'mmmmm a giiiiiiiiiant flyyyyyyyyy!!![/Vincent Price voice]) Not to take anything away from the Jeff Goldblum one, but if they ever wanted to make another remake of that flick, they should try to adapt the original story - because it's crazy. The thing starts with a berserk Montrealer getting his wife to squash the parts of his body that have turned into fly, and then proceeds to observe Vincent Price wheedling the backstory out of the wife for about 20 minutes, at which point the entire picture goes into flashback for an hour where we learn the terrible tale of how the man knew that his telepods did whacky shit like reversing the writing on his "Made in Japan" dinner plates, but thought he'd give human teleportation a go anyway and turned into a table-thumping rum-sucking freak. (Now that, my friends, is a run-on sentence.) But I guess in 1958 (Back When We Weren't Jaded) if you were going to see a movie called The Fly, you really would wait through an entire movie for five minutes of a dude running around with a fly-head at the end of the picture. That was thrilling enough, and you left satisfied, because you a) believed the illusion, and b) had never seen anything so freaky in your damn life. If, on the other hand, a 1958 audience had to put up with Jeff Goldblum puke-aciding on Stathis Borens' foreleg, I think they'd all have six-month hairy conniptions and retire to bed without supper.

My lady love has been ill for the past few days so I have spent much of my time hanging out on her couch-bed watching Ugly Betty, or UgBet for short. We watched about half of the second season, enough time for me to go through the entire cycle of starting to wish I were gay and pretty, actually wishing I were gay and pretty, and then no longer really wanting to be gay or pretty but being happy just being me. As a series, UgBet is perfect for days like this, because it is attractive and undemanding and fun. (Like me!) But lord goodness gracious, I can't waits till Lost, and may order the shinybluthirdseason on teh intrawebs, just to be sated.

Round about when Harvey's got the gun to Gary Oldman's kid's head, it's time to go home.

December 22, 2008

Children of Ben

Did I dream about the new season of Lost last night: yes.

Did my dream about the new season of Lost involve the revelation of a giant retro robot rampaging around the island, and poor Desmond being turned into a (smaller) robot as well: yes.

Should the new season of Lost, then, be all about robots if it wants to satisfy my desire: yes.

I'm telling you, that Beren & Luthien thing has got to be a movie. It has all the things "the kids" like. They even pull a Zolo when Beren holds up the Silmaril to Carcharoth and the wolf just goes ahead and bites the hand clean off. And whether you call him Dr. Zolo, Minister of Antiquities, or Col. Zolo, Deputy Commander of the Secret Police, he is still just a butcher.

Today I am calling telecommunication companies and eluding their ceaseless marketing campaigns by lies and deceit, and leaving lengthy voice mails for my co-workers along the lines of what Alpine says here. It's fun. While I'm doing that, here's a hot fresh Mamo for your digestion.

Speaking of digestion, yesterday Christy took me out for bruuuuuuuuuuuuuunch!!! (so named because it's so goddamned big.) I am planning to eat again on Tuesday.

Oh: and I might have inadvertently posted some October 2005 blog entries to the front page before re-dating them. So if you thought I suddenly took a turn for the turbo-angsty, that's why. Stupid Movable Type. Is importing HTML-based blog entries into an MT database really that far beyond the ken?

December 11, 2008

She glows

So as it turns out, watching my rock star girlfriend play her rock star songs turns me into a 12-year-old girl and I can only communicate in OMGs and LULZs. Yep, I've tried to write this paragraph fifteen times but every time I finish with "Parkside played the Cameron House on Tuesday night," everything else I could say is just overexcited chipmunkly gibberspeak. Hey! I'm in love with a rock star! Leavemealone.

YEAH! PARKDALE!

I took the day off yesterday and Sarafina and I watched, get ready for it, the entire fourth season of Lost. All of it. For a long time I've presumed that such a thing was theoretically possible but I never had the wherewithal, or the enabler, to support such an action. Well now I've done it, with the only person I'd ever want to have done it with, done it with Swiss Chalet and couch-bed and deliciousness and general decadence, and I'm willing to call it the best day ever. Oh, what naughty schoolchildren we.

I have to day off, too. I haven't even turned on my phone, I wonder what's going on. I may start a "communications down" approach to my life, to compliment "slow down. Maybe the problem is just that all our communication is just too fast. I was reading my own auto-responder this morning and it occurred to me that we are now officially way too immediately communicative: we have machines to communicate for us even when we're not there to communicate. This is, of course, one step away from robots ruling the world. If I deleted my entire inbox, and left my cell phone off, what would people do? ...slow down.

I can't write worth shit today. Let's play, "what's it got in its pocketses?"

  • Wallet (empty)
  • $2.87 in loose change
  • 1983 mail-away Emperor action figure
  • Mini-DV tape case (empty)
  • iPod
  • pocket knife
  • Notebook and collapsible pen.

Remember all that in case you need to identify me someday.

In case you were worried, The Dark Knight is the Blu-ray you're gonna be showing all your friends when they come over to your house, for pretty much the rest of time. I watched about half of it on Tuesday night before the show and it actually stuns the mind, it's so goddamned pretty. It's worrisome in some ways that we are now (well, have been for a while) at the point where the potentiality of home display actually outpaces the quality of the average film print. Print stock is cheap as shit these days, and I'd swear there are colours and dimensions in that Blu-ray (which, admittedly, has been digitally enhanced and all that jive) which I never saw on no big screen, IMAX-included. I was gonna go off on a rant the other night after seeing Ballast at the Carlton, because I was once again in one of those closet-sized theatres and wondering why I didn't just watch a movie at home, but I will admit there was still something useful to the theatrical experience on that one. I'm lonely, but I ain't that lonely yet. But I suspect these days are fading.

Right: I must now get to my toy sourcing.

December 9, 2008

A letter to the borrowers

Dear friends,

After great consideration, I have decided to buy the 4th season of Lost on Blu-ray instead of traditional DVD. This is not because I don't like you, and not because I have not enjoyed lending my first three seasons of Lost to literally every person I know over the course of the past 3 years. It is only because I believe in mouth-wateringly brilliant picture and sound, and in the ecstatic visible pleasures of the Lost series itself. I have faith in all of you that someday soon, you too will own a Blu-ray player, and at that time, can enjoy my Lost DVDs again.

In case you had not heard, Batman Be Blu-ray again today, as well. To commemorate the occasion, the Academy has reversed its lunkheaded decision to exclude the Dark Knight score from contention for this year's Academy Awards.

Cheers, etc.,

October 22, 2008

The snowball effect

The headache started yesterday at around 3 p.m. and by the time I got into bed at midnight, I actually couldn't lie still. When I left for work it was a railway spike through my left eye, and when I came home from work it had moved over to my right eye. It is impervious to painkillers, reducing only to a dull thrum at the best of times, and even then leaving me like I've been electrocuted and left to cower. I hate this headache. I hate it like a living thing. Now I'm on the couch in my bathrobe watching Deepa Mehta's episode of Young Indiana Jones, and I desperately wish I had some ginger ale.

Let's look at what I can see from here.

1. Here's the Watchmen poster, which I like quite a lot.

2. Here's an interesting (and obviously, highly upsetting) legal case against a person who knowingly infected women with HIV and is now being charged with first-degree murder. I had wondered when something like this would happen, and whether it's legally sustainable.

3. With a hefty SARAFINA DO NOT CLICK ON THIS LINK, here's the Season Five promo for Lost. Hoooooooooo-cheeeeeeeee mama. That doesn't suck. I'm in quite the Lost frame of mind lately, what with S working her way through season 2 for the first time right now. If we time it out right, we can step into season 4 on DVD in December and then straight into the new season. Though "timing it right" rarely applies with that "play all" button on the Lost DVDs.

4. Finally, the indefatigable Roger Ebert - that man is more and more becoming my personal hero, no matter how many slap-fights he gets into - gets into a big fucking mess about publishing a review after only watching 8 minutes of a movie, here, here, and here. I've done it too, more than once, though I (unlike him) tend to think a walkout is line one of a review, not the punchline, if only because it is as clear a message of a film's worth as any one can conjure in prose. But then, I am not professionally employed in the field, and I am also of somewhat sketchy morals when it comes to signing the practice log. Fascinating discussion and insights, regardless.

Whoa, Indiana Jones just learned about Shiva for the first time. Criminy.

October 9, 2008

DL CL Chewbacca

A tiny, vicious-looking miniature helicopter would go nicely with my trebuchet, don't you think? I could send out sorties into the rest of the office, lure enemies back to my desk with the promise of RC helicopterin' fun, and then hit them with a fusillade of trebuchet-flung hellfire. But I don't trust ThinkGeek any more, not since the Venus Flytrap incident of 2006, which was admittedly my own fault for thinking that the climate in Toronto was somehow equivalent to that of Buenos Aires, but I blame ThinkGeek nevertheless. Because I'm a dork.

Sarafina and I took a lap around the Spaced block last night, with delicious foods to go along with, and she's also working her way through the first season of Lost rather ravenously, which has made me want to go back and watch the whole thing all over again, or at least get to December quickly so I can watch Season 4 when it comes out on the DVD. The dino-natives are restless.

Television programs I apparently no longer watch:

  • House
  • The Simpsons
  • Pushing Daisies

Television programs I continue to watch in spite of myself:

  • Sookie Stackhouse or whatever the fuck it's called

Thus returning us to my long-held, little-believed assertion that I don't watch TV any more.

June 1, 2008

The clock tower has been damaged, the town square destroyed

A big fire swept through the backlot at Universal Studios last night, and among the casualties was my actual favourite part of the lot: the Hill Valley town square from Back to the Future. (The clock tower evidently survives, but was damaged; no word on who or what traveled where or to which time period.) If all this is making you nostalgic, I might point out that they have the goddamned Flux Capacitor at the Silver Snail now. It certainly prompted two or three minutes' of unabashed staring from me.

I Rode for the Heart this morning; a big thanks to Erin Booth, Helen, e-Becca, my aunt Beth, Jocelyn, Matthew Fabb, Demetre, Jeff, Chris, Meredith, my parents, Steeeeve!, Christys, and Sarafina for sponsoring me. Hey, here's an idea: next time I want to do a 75K on this thing, someone remind me to actually train beforehand, yeah? And by "beforehand," I mean for several goddamned months like a real grown-up would do, not a few weeks of half-assed riding. I did the whole thing in about four and a half hours this morning and it damn near wasted me. I was not prepared.

Let's post-script two things:

Lost! While on the whole I'd say that Season Four has been fairly kickass, I gotta call the finale weak. Not as bad as that disastrous tail-ender to the first season, but still not nearly as absorbing as last year's "we're in the future now!" slam-o-rama (though to be fair, what could be?) nor even as action-adveturey-science-fiction-terrifico as the Season Two closer with Desmond. So instead of debating the fiddle-faddle of who was in the box or who got blowed up on what freighter, I'll just give two bits of human interest on the whole thing and then call it a year: 1) they pointlessly brought Harold Perinneau back just to get rid of him again, because he did indeed go "boom" with the boat; and 2) here are some hilarious alternate versions of the final shot, featuring other non-Bens in the coffin from Season Three. Anyways, I'm sort of glad the year's done, as my interest in the show was sort of lessened by the strike gap. I'm sure I'll be back on board for Season 5.

X-Men! In like kind, I'm glad Astonishing X-Men is done. Joss' lack of commitment to the publishing schedule made the final arc really difficult to enjoy, and the final one-shot was a solid B minus at best; the high-mark work in the arc took place earlier with Scott, not in the bullet with Kitty. It was at some point this week that I realized that I've been regularly reading three X-titles and pretty much don't care about any of them any more, so I think it's time for an X-break. At least until Ellis takes over AXM.

May 9, 2008

Alpert all along

By happy coincidence, I watched season three's "The Man Behind the Curtain" right before I watched last night's episode of Lost, "Cabin Fever." The two rhyme beautifully. The two darkest characters on the show - Ben and Locke - are both born in relatively horrible circumstances at the head of each episode; the mass Dharma grave (and resident corpse Horace Goodspeed) feature prominently in both; and let's face it, both episodes are creepy as fuck. (It's not every TV show that can actually make me nervous, but walking toward that fucking cabin is now shaking loose collywobbles born of every childhood nightmare about the woods behind the cottage.) But really, the most important thing about both episodes is that they kick us square in the face of the obvious: all this time, we really should have been paying closer attention to Guyliner. "Doctor" Richard Alpert, and his perennially boyish girl-eyes, has done some serious traveling of note, hasn't he? Come next season, mightn't we be saying things similar regarding one Matthew Abaddon, keeper of the greatest name in the history of great names? Who exactly was behind the wheel of the truck that hit young Swoosie Kurtz, anyway? Time will tell, and be damn wooshy about it in the meanwhile.

Regardless, last night's was indeed the balls-out goodness. The grounds shifted.

Grounds shifting further: I'll be stepping up to manage my team at work for the coming year. It's been in the works a while but only finally got announced today, so I guess I can actually talk about it. I'm excited. A lot of things that I had been working on since the day I started with the company came to a thrilling conclusion about six weeks ago, and at almost exactly the same time, this next major sequence of events got started moving forward. When I look at the sheer distance I've traveled in my two and a halfish years here, well... I sorta get vertigo. I owe one Old Man a cookie, that's for sure. Big tackle and mysterious ways. Came on like old leather.

All week I've kept having this weird dream that I buy The Golden Compass on blu-ray because I can't resist the foil wrapping, and another one that Indiana Jones is as strange and unsettling as the green M&Ms they've tied in - I mean, they're not really bad, but who looked at the silhouette of Indiana Jones in the prison of their dripping, subconscious mind and thought "mint"? What if his shadow in our eyes was wrong all along?

April 27, 2008

Late night Eurotrash softcore, vol. ∞

I don't know how or why I was fortunate enough to stumble on Vampire Ecstasy while killing time tonight, but god-diggity, it's sensational. Right now the dark vampire babes are making sweet lesbianic love to the last of the blonde virgins, having successfully seduced her might-be-a-vampire / Angel-prototype boyfriend. Gonna have to put together a Vampire Ecstasy / Scream Blacula Scream double feature this summer, or at least listen to "Cry Little Sister" while walking around the house with a candle.

They are compelling the lusts of the blonde virgin with the power of their vampire chanting!!! She is stroking her own boobies by command of a will stronger than her own! Marvelous.

Anyways. Sarafina and I had Prisoner Day this weekend; we got through the first 4 disks in an afternoon of luxurious stay-in-bedness. Now I'm scrambling to find a copy of "Dreamy Party"... love that track, and the sweet muscular mindfuck that goes along with it.

I watched this week's Lost tonight, and I continue firmly in my belief that Season 4 is playing fair all of the hopes and expectations of every single episode that lead up to now. This section of the narrative just fucking rocks. Even the weak episodes (Juliet; Kate) are a damn sight stronger than half the episodes in seasons 1, 2, and 3. And this week's Benry Galinus opus was just magnificent, both cementing Ben further into the center of the entire clockwork, and doing some pretty terrific supporting work with Sayid to boot. I don't really give a fuck about how or why anything is happening any more (I thought the island was behind boat time, not ahead of it?), but give me a gun-crazy Sawyer going all manly-rescue on a missing Claire-bear and I am a happy panda. Everything's falling into place...

March 21, 2008

Kissmas

Merry Kissmas! It's the first day of spring. Kiss someone you like. Kiss 'em because it's sunny out (even if it's not where you are), kiss 'em because evening walks are now in striking distance (even if it's still too particularly cold in Toronto this year to make them feasible). Kiss 'em because a good smoochies are like six bottles of champagne and a pet mouse.

Doooooo ittttttttt. (The kissing. Any follow-up sex is entirely your affair.)

I am sitting in the Starbizzle near my parents' house, stealing wi-fi from yet another unprotected linksys in this whole silly world full of 'em. I have started reading Y: The Last Man. I have been waiting a long, loooooong time for this. I wanted to wait until the series was actually done before I started gobbling up the TPBs, and so I did. (Next: actually watching Battlestar. Yes, I know.) I've been spending more than a little time with the Other Brian (Bendis) of late; it's time to get back to my BKV, because ultimately, Vaughan is a bit more like the Brian I'd like to be (were I a Brian). Balder than I'd like to be, sure; but a Brian nonetheless. Plus: he wrote last night's Lost. And let the clapping start here.

The thing that makes Michael (on Lost) such an interesting character is that at this point, he is such a completely, utterly fucked human. He is a tragic figure of epic proportion; there is no getting out of this. (And I don't just mean that in the old, mouldy "the island won't let you die!" sense.) There is no blaze of glory fiery enough to redeem the haunted wretch we call Michael Dawson. So as such, it's good to have him back and have BKV writing him. The styles mesh.

As for me, I did a quick self-assess last night and realized that really, every single aspect of my life is good, and yet I feel generally blah lately - and that blah is because I am doing absolutely nothing creative, at all. Nothing to write, nothing to shoot. (Well, one expensive complicated thing, but I am thus daunted.) I know I call it back a lot, but I really do miss the days when Mark and I could crank out six or eight movies in a calendar year. I would love a really good, short idea for a really good, short movie. Something fun and summery that I could shoot on a weekend. That'd hit the spot.

Anyways. Return to your smoochies; remember to kiss plentifully and with joy in your heart. Comics are calling me now, and the girl'll be calling me soon.

March 7, 2008

Tofu

My goal of not murdering anyone was substantially assisted just now by the consumption of a generous corned beef sandwich. Boy: blood sugar's a bitch, huh?

Last night I had what you'd call "thick sleep" - the sleep of total nonexistence. I guess I was tired. We stayed up very, very late with delicious wines and party games on Wednesday night for Sarafina's birthday, and while the overall reaction to my being able to guess Sarafina's "tofu" in charades will remain one of my favourite moments ever in the history of moments, yesterday morning was nonetheless a little rocky. I couldn't get the Gatekeeper's Eastern European shrieking out of my head, for one thing; I also couldn't eat solid foods or get entirely comfortable with the thickness of Jemaine Clement's lips. Still, this has been a big fat satisfying awesome of a week. And it's still going.

You know what else is still going? Insane-O-Winter '08, is what. Another big snowstorm for the next 36. There's been so much fucking snow in this town this year, they've run out of shovels. Who runs out of shovels? The same yolks who run out of Wal Mart snow pants, that's who. Poor planning, Canada!

Lost: I am confused about "island time." Aren't we within about 3 days (on the show) of the episode where Jack told Kate he loved her, and Charlie died? What happened in those three days wherein Claire seems pretty content and well-adjusted, and Jack's mackin' on blondie? I'm sure Daniel Faraday could explain this (with the aid of a rocket!), but I can't.

Buffy: Haven't been to the Snail in a while, and unfortunately I have now been liberally spoiled on this week's big reveal in issue #12. I'll try to actually read the issue in question shortly, after which point we should probably talk. In the meantime, I'll be in my bunk...

February 29, 2008

Get stoned and watch The Empire Strikes Back

Wasn't a bad week, all told. Started good; stayed that way. Today I spent the afternoon working at Starbucks, which makes it sound like I got fired, but actually it just means that my job is occasionally portable (available open WiFi ports pending). And I've got a good "constant," to use the new Lost term. That time travel shit was crazy - and Desmond is just awesome. And being in love is fun, the vagueries of having to hang on to a phone number in London for 8 years just cuz an ex-boyfriend told you to notwithstanding. Sure, I'm a big shmaltz, but was that not the most emotionally satisfying love moment ever in the history of "sustain sustain sustain" TV ever? Finally: no bullshit.

Here's some bullshit: censoring what movies get funding in Canada, before they get funding. Not that any of those fucktards ever give me funding, but they might give some to someone I like sometime. And when that happens, there had damn well better be plenty of bareback gay sex in the flick. Or I'll be pissed.

Right, it's getting dark out there. I'm gonna sort out yet more of my departing toys.

February 28, 2008

What else has been going on?

I've decided that I consider the people who register typo domain names (i.e. Facbeook.com) are clever people rather than jerks as I'd originally determined. There is nothing wrong with having a comprehensive understanding of human foibles, nor having a working knowledge of how to transform those foibles into an opportunity for assplay.

Boy this post is gonna get spammed all the way to Christmas, isn't it?

I trolled around the internet this morning looking for some sweet X-Files 2 action. The best I could come up with was this. Still, the ratty bootleg trailer was enough to convince me that I am potentially more excited about seeing Mulder and Scully reunited onscreen again than I am about Indy and Marion. And that's crazy! Y'know, it might just be the whooping from the Wondercon crowd in the cllip, but for a show I didn't even watch till its fourth season and didn't enjoy more than moderately for the rest of its run, The X-Files has sorta become my favourite thing in a lot of ways. Or at least, something for which I apprently have disproportionate affection. A comedown must be in the mail.

Speaking of comedowns, Demetre sent me the Lost time loop theory, which I would like a whole lot more if it wasn't actually headache-inducingly complicated to read. There's certainly interesting ideas in there but if this is actually what Bad Robot has to lay out in the next 40-odd episodes, I'd rather go with Bex's dino-natives jive. (The time loop theory does have a rather stupendous glance at the Tunisian polar bear issue.) I do remain, of course, firmly convinced that Ben is in the box.

Also speaking of time loops, D-Coc sent me this, which is proof that you should never go back in time and fuck your blind grandfather. I think.

My DVDs are selling like hot cakes! I've already made a hundred bucks - without even setting foot out the door! (More than I usually would have, anyway.) Sell your shit, Interwebs. It does the job.

"I can't believe you're telling Jeff about the god of wheat now! The entire second half of the fourth season is about the god of wheat!" - Carlton Cuse, in this Lost interview I rather enjoy

February 22, 2008

Time moves more slowly

Having now caught up on regular Lost and V-day Lost, I can allow that a) this is the best season since season 1, b) Kate episodes just don't work, largely because Evangeline Lilly looks so goddamn freaky-deaky in heavy makeup, and c) time moves more slowly on the island, which pretty much explains everything, or at least, many noteworthy things. (1: the amount of time it would take to fake the 815 crash. 2: Walt's turbo-puberty. 3: Dr. Richard A. Guyliner, wandering around lookin' as healthsome as he did when Benry was a boy. To say nothing of Benry's swank airport threads!) Actually, when nervous little Jeremy Davies first flicked his annoying lank of hair back over his forehead and started setting up gizmos, I exclaimed to myself: "Finally, the only way the writers are going to get themselves out of this narrative trap: a scientist!" Because finding out how and why there's an Oceanic 6 is one thing (no matter how many times I see that "the Arab is a hit man in the future!" gag, it never ceases to bring a smile to my face), but if there isn't at least some god's-eye view of why the island is the island, the Fans Who Don't Get What The Show's About (i.e. the majority) are gonna go a' Cuse-huntin'. With their Lindelof spears. And their Abrams... hat.

Season 4's three to one to the good, so I'm pretty happy.

February 10, 2008

Stop talking like a dick!

Strikewatch: day! It's over. Kinda. Whatever. You know, this whole thing really was like that Simpsons episode where TV went away and everyone went outside. I watched a couple of episodes of House back to back last night which was, aside from the two new episodes of Lost, the first time I've watched network TV since November. It felt strange and unusual, and I began to get a glimmer of the feeling of what it would be like to not watch television at all. Not so bad. If those episodes of House (and Lost) weren't so darned scintillating, I'd say to hell with the whole thing.

Now let's gripe about Indy IV. When I found out that Shia LaBeouff's character's name was Mutt, I started to feel like really, we all oughta just not go see this movie at all. I mean, I know we will. But think about what we're putting on the line here: I genuinely love all three of the flicks, albeit in completely different ways apiece. How much would it suck to just have to deal with the fact that the fourth one was jive, with characters named Mutt in it? All right, it's the most obvious point to make. But it was really drilling into me over the past few days. My jacket's in the UK, the Sideshow announcement is coming soon, I've got Last Crusade spinning in my DVD player right now. I love me the Indy. I don't want change.

Had a terrific day which involved, in no particular order, watching the last great Tim Burton movie (cuz fuck Tim Burton!), welcoming D-Coc and B-Gold back from G-ny, eating cold chicken, and lolling around in bed for like a near-criminal quantity of hours. If all days were like this, I'd need no other sustenance.

February 8, 2008

I am the Nosmo King

And why that is, shall remain my burden (and one other's).

Stress leave day: which mostly involved being in bed for a really long time, visiting many Starbuckses, seeing Juno, and carrying the girl across puddles. Really, I should flip out more often. Like Jeremy Davies, the most nervous man alive. I don't know, after last week's Lost epilogue I thought Davies might finally have escaped his own twitchiness. No such luck. That man's jumpy as a ferret and twice as scrawny. Anyways: that's apparently me as well. Or was, before today's loveliness. It's amazing what puddle-carriage does for the soul.

Y'know, it's pretty nice that I've got this girl on the one hand, and still time and tide enough to order me up some Davy Jones on the other, and a pretty solid summer (and year) ahead of me to boot. (Barnacled boot.) Life, she good.

Someone wanna tell me why they couldn't just go back to Wested to make Indy's jacket this time around? That smacks of filmmakers being too cool for their own shit.

OK, I gotta go cook something complicated.

February 5, 2008

I got the best one.

and I pity any one who isn't me (tonight, tra la la la la la la la la la la).

What are you doing today, Matt? Oh, y'know. Hanging around, making e.learning, eating Cracker Jack. Lemme tell ya something, Internet: Cracker Jack gets it done. Things aren't quite as hellfuck at the office as they've been for the last few weeks; it's probably just an eye in the storm, but it's a welcome eye. What I would really like to do is go on some serious vacation. It's on my mind a lot lately. Too bad I suck at organizing things. This is for why I need a large staff. (Of people, not wood. I have the latter already. And that's not even trying to be a double entendre - I literally have a wooden staff. For defence.)

The last few months have pretty much lame-ducked every single writing project I've had, though I am now within 30 pages of being done Snapdragon for the immediate nowness. And I've got a 3-issue dealie called "Today's the Day" that I'd like to start next. I tell ya though, that get-up-at-6-to-write thing was a lot easier before winter hit. Now it just seems like suicidal anti-sleepdom.

Strikewatch: day 2! If the whole thing gets concluded this week, does that mean they'd actually be able to finish out the Lost season? I really liked the premiere, with or without Spooky Christian in the chair. Here's my guess on the Oceanic Six:

  • Jackwise J. Shephard
  • Evangeline Katey
  • Jabba
  • Benjamin H. Gale, The Man In The Coffin
  • Sunny Sucksalot
  • and, oh, let's say, Moe.**

**Moe = one of the freighter people, a.k.a. the "he" in "he'll be waiting for me". Romance ahead!

I'lll tell ya something: Indiana Jones should not find proof of alien intervention in the dawn of the human race. That would be Dumb. Sure, a golden box that the Hebrews carried into battle to prove themselves God's chosen people which, when prompted, melts Nazi faces, is sorta dumb in its own way. But it's also classy.

Yeah, I'm pretty lame right now. But I feel like I'm improving.

I've only ever trusted one man. And that man is Guillermo Del Toro.

January 28, 2008 3:33 PM

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand we're out.

November 2, 2007 2:46 PM

Mad Matt

October 26, 2007 10:41 PM

Flash forward

October 1, 2007 3:38 PM

The virgin queen

September 18, 2007 1:03 PM

Grimlock rising

July 25, 2007 10:53 PM

Good news / bad news

May 31, 2007 11:34 AM

Back to the future

May 24, 2007 9:37 AM

One hundred and eight minutes

May 23, 2007 2:25 PM

I love being the goddamn Batman

May 17, 2007 8:44 AM

The Cruel Fate of Charlie Pace

May 16, 2007 11:04 PM

Tour de stade

May 14, 2007 9:04 AM

Damascus

May 10, 2007 11:23 AM

The short definition of Jeff

May 7, 2007 8:24 AM

Danger is my middle name

May 6, 2007 8:48 AM

Five it is

May 4, 2007 5:07 PM

If this isn't hell, friend, then where are we?

May 2, 2007 11:08 PM

Planet of the apes

April 28, 2007 3:32 PM

I was circumcised against my will by a team of Canadian doctors

April 25, 2007 8:28 PM

L'appuntamento

April 19, 2007 9:03 AM

We all get it in the end

April 18, 2007 9:46 PM

News brief

April 12, 2007 10:14 PM

How many dumb women does it take to screw in an island?

April 11, 2007 11:03 PM

I'll see your Sulu and raise you a Lando.

March 28, 2007 11:08 PM

Is Locke's dad Sawyer's Sawyer???

March 22, 2007 2:40 PM

Great muppety Odin, I miss that sex.

March 21, 2007 4:13 PM

You may have been to Phuket, Doc, but I've been to Tallahassee.

February 21, 2007 11:09 PM

Only fools are enslaved by time and space

February 15, 2007 10:06 AM

Playing with Captain Solo

February 11, 2007 9:31 AM

I am not lost.

February 8, 2007 10:55 PM

Strange currencies

January 15, 2007 9:33 PM

An army of frogs

December 20, 2006 4:04 PM

Black-u-weather report

December 1, 2006 10:55 PM

The Mystical Fantastical Joseph Campbell Machine

November 12, 2006 12:49 PM

FUCK YOU ABC

November 8, 2006 9:30 PM

I love Maggie Grace

November 2, 2006 1:52 PM

On top of Old Smokey

November 1, 2006 10:48 PM

Two Lost theories

October 29, 2006 10:17 PM

Matt is both super and girly.

October 26, 2006 9:38 PM

Give me a minute and I'll tell you the setup for the worst joke ever

October 23, 2006 9:26 PM

Twenty minutes from now

October 23, 2006 5:30 PM

Virgin rode a whale

October 11, 2006 10:45 PM

TIGHTPANTS IS LOST!!

October 5, 2006 1:51 PM

Hydra

October 5, 2006 7:18 AM

Stun me bacon

October 4, 2006 11:10 PM

Wherein the first episode of Heroes is discussed, Lost's third season is considered, and the toys situation is post-capped.

September 26, 2006 9:38 PM

Things I'd like to see on TV this year

September 20, 2006 8:15 PM

Bad blood

July 20, 2006 1:01 PM

Red Girl #10

June 5, 2006 5:41 PM

I don't watch TV.

May 28, 2006 9:34 AM

Did I forget my own point?

May 25, 2006 6:40 PM

Your Lost discussion entry

May 24, 2006 11:45 PM

I want Jack and Kate and Hurley and Locke and Sawyer and Sayid and...

May 24, 2006 7:33 AM

Floating down the Pacific

May 15, 2006 10:27 AM

Out of nowhere.

May 3, 2006 10:06 PM

Feeling slightly less lost

April 13, 2006 7:23 AM

In defence of pissing and porn

February 16, 2006 6:48 PM

You got a little love connection brewin' over there, Jabba?

January 26, 2006 6:44 PM

Oh for fuck's sake

January 24, 2006 5:29 PM

You and me ain't done, Zeke

January 19, 2006 7:52 AM

Beat me with your Jesus stick

January 11, 2006 11:03 PM

Are we saved?

December 1, 2005 12:10 AM

Lost in lost

November 17, 2005 10:07 AM

This is way more fun than pictures of Lego people screwin'

November 10, 2005 9:47 AM

Cozy Kitty: Hey kids, try one in your pants!

November 9, 2005 9:18 AM

Family planning

October 19, 2005 10:08 PM

Two isms in ten minutes

October 13, 2005 10:52 AM

Your daily Lost brainfart

October 4, 2005 11:10 AM