Some days are Jack Daniels days, and Jack Daniels (generally speaking) is little more than sour mash by way of shite. Today the Teet got one over on me again; what I cannot understand is

1. why they refuse to admit when the system has broken down, and
2. why (if the system breaks down every 2 days like clockwork for the entirety of December-March) they don't have a series of processes and procedures in place yet.

Every single time is like it's the first time it's ever happened; pandaemonium reigns in the streets. Nobody knows the answers, information is unavailable, phone calls have to be made. Guys - the system breaks every 48 hours. WRITE A MANUAL ABOUT IT OR SOMETHING.

While entombed in the rolling ball of vomit that is a TTC shuttle bus in winter (all windows fogged to utter opacity as it dips, weaves, and spirals through rush-hour traffic), I read this article about research into female desire being conducted at Queen's University; many comments about Queen's relationship to sexual research have been made on Facebook already, so I shall not add to the pile. I will, however, say that when leafing through the digest-sized bits of information that is the New York Times mobile site (i.e. what you're reading when you're reading it on your BlackBerry), I considered what the digest-sized information squirt of a typical tederick.com entry would be. I think it would go like:

• TTC complaint
• Sex article and/or concern about the end of the world (could be shortened to: sex and/or death)
• Comics discussion and/or Lost theory
• Comment on weather and its relationship to mood.

Alternate with occasional film reviews, Mamo! postings, and pithy rejoinders about cyberspace anomalies, Batman, or work stress, and you've covered the gamut.

Today I started my 200th journal. The very first one, I believe, was started in the summer of 1989 when I was 12 going on 13 years old. As I recall, it concerned my thoughts about my family, some information about Woogie and G.I.Joe, and some Andrian Mole-esque commentary on my progress through puberty. So, as you can see, little has changed.

Posted by tederick at 6:20 PM in i hate mac & jedi antics & sex (theoretical) & tederickdotcomdotcom
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I'm moving - and in answer to your next three questions, I don't know, no I'm not, and September 1st. This has kicked off a purge that will make all prior purges look like wussy little boy purges, a purge whose tally already rings five full contractor-grade garbage bags of stuff thrown away and two recycling bins; and this purge has only gotten started. The toys that I still own are now the survivors of a genocidal fire that has claimed fully 70% of their civilization, and makes tremble my books, DVDs, and comics, all of whom are also about to see Black Plague-level deaths. The short version: I (used to) have too much stuff.

Somewhere amid the rubbish, the bags upon bags of shattered CD-Rs, Episode I frisbees, and creased photographs of old girlfriends, are the VHS tapes. Lots and lots and lots of VHS tapes. They are the soul of the thing in a weird way - for the first time in my life, VHS tapes are beautiful. They are so goddamned odd-looking, the WALL-Es of home theatre, anachronous boxy-forms of pure functionality, before things had to be functional and pretty. (I hate Mac.) The tapes break at the drop of a hat (or a tape, down a flight of stairs, as at least one of my old Star Wars cassettes discovered today); they're also oddly indestructible in a way: I found a copy of Raiders with the back door broken clean off, which I had apparently continued to use faithfully for years. It still played fine, even this afternoon; I have factory-spec DVDs which lasted a tenth as long. Old VHS doesn't actually look too bad on the Bravia, and the warble of electronic noise is comforting and serene once worries about reference quality have been banished from one's head. And yeah, if I may indulge in being the last person to jump on the analogue bandwagon, there's something about the trundling hum of a pair of reels being slowly revolved while their thread of mylar slowly unveils its electrons that goes straight down to the heart of me. At the end of it all, film fetishism is not for me - I was a VHS baby. Streamers of celluloid run pale next to the taste sensations of that first Canon VHS video camera, whose recording deck hung saddle-bag like at my side while the camera itself had to be supported (with difficulty) with the other hand; the floor-to-ceiling library of tapes of Star Trek: The Next Generation (commercials painstakingly edited out); the beaten-up copy of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves that was, in fact, my first home video purchase. (I do not have the heart to replace it.) I have the theatrical cut of The Phantom Menace in VHS only; it will never exist in any other medium. I have decks of Tom Snyder and Letterman and Bob Ross; an episode of Young Indiana Jones where Old Indy still appears; two blissful camcorder hours on the back lot of Universal Studios in 1993. It's all wreckage, but it's still here.

Inevitably, this brings us to WALL-E. Officially, I no longer need to review films, because the Village Voice does it for me. (Other recent instances of "they said it better than I could say it myself" include The Last Mistress and Indy IV.). Unofficially, WALL-E is so much about
1) how obsolescence is a lie;
2) great, great, great movies;
3) love. Stupid, gorgeous, I-wanted-someone-to-hold-my-hand-and-now-she's-doing-it, love. And that's all I'll ever need from it, or anything else.

Posted by tederick at 3:21 PM in 3QF & i hate mac & movies & poetical
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...is just a great, great word. I have always loved that word. There are some words that make your spine thrum like a bass string, and archaeopteryx is one of those for me.

Brother Adam spent the weekend jerking around New York City, sending comments to the blog from various Jerk stores. He came back with candy. I helped him out with a project before he left so he put a gift-note on my desk with three items on it:

From the "chocolate bar" in NYC - they make their own bars and wrappers. PB caramel, yum!

[and hereunder was a peanut butter caramel chocolate bar with a retro wrapper]

You may wish to share with Sarafina - Dark rum! Zooks!!

[and hereunder was a Crash Dark Rum chocolate bar]

Chick in nSoho hand-knitted this for you!

[and hereunder was a knitted Spider-Man finger-puppet]

Suddenly, my brother is a way better brother than my brother ever was before. Except oh wait: he also got me that Wii that one time. That was pretty sweet.

Last night Sarafina and I tried to one-up our ratatouille/Ratatouille night of a few months ago, by doing Insomnia/Insomnia. This didn't work out so well, because Insomnia sucks, and Insomnia kinda sucks too. You can kinda see what it would have been like without the wrong casting and a bad script, but not enough to make you love it. Nonetheless: so pretty. As was our hastily-improvised non-Insomnia dinner. So, it was a pretty good Mondate anyway.

I lost one of my notebooks recently, and the apparent result is that I have been brain-dumping like a fiend into every notebook I can find, like I'm trying to retain whatever fragments of the DNA of my recent thought processes that I can, in spite of the mishap. Honestly: pages and pages and pages of exons. It's a weird feeling, but oddly satisfying in its way, too.

I, too, am over Sarah Marshall.

Posted by tederick at 10:47 AM in ADAM & i hate mac & movies & wii
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Joss Monkeypants Whedon to make Doctor Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog with Doogie Howser, Captain Tightpants and Vi the Vampire Slayer!

(Wait a minute... why isn't Captain Napalm a musical??)

Further to the last entry, maybe I should just get a t-shirt that says "I don't do stuff cuz Joss Whedon is better at it."

Other items!:

ITEM!: The dumbtards at Apple finally fixed the iPod "The"-title album sorting discrepancy.

ITEM!: This morning, I used the Force to find something extremely small that had been lost for a very long time.

ITEM!: My spring cleaning kicks your spring cleaning's ass.

Posted by tederick at 3:21 PM in i hate mac & jedi antics & joss
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"That elf is coming at you with a shovel." - Sarafina D.

It's gonna be a long night in the laundromat - this place is a fucking madhouse right now. I'm stealing WiFi from some dude named Jaco and waiting for a dryer to open up. I should have eaten before I came here. It's been a long day already; in fact, it's been a long month, and by month I mean February, and by February I mean "depressing." I have not been myself for the last little while - though I am nonetheless on cloud fucking nine about how certain bits of the past two weeks have gone. Did you know I can still get nervous on a date with the above-quoted elf-spotter? I didn't, till Friday. I'm not sure why that makes me happy, but it really does.

Speaking of eating, yesterday was Teen Girl Squad's one-year anniversary at 3QF. I bought them a box of salt to commemorate. They commemorated by playing thumping electronica while I was trying to watch Nicholas Roeg's Walkabout; a pretty decent film, and worth seeing. I spent all of yesterday doing some contract HTML work on my living room floor and watching Deep Space Nine, which is not a bad way to spend a Saturday if you have nothing else to do. The "I never sit down" feeling is subsiding; now it's turning into "I just want to go outside." What I could really do with right now is a nice long walk. Like from here to, say, the Ex. And then maybe up to Christie Pits. I wonder if my iPod (whose battery, like every other battery in every other electronic gadget I currently own, has gone to shit) would last that long.

Today while waiting for a table at the Bay/Bloor Starbizzle and contemplating the Manulife Shield which prevents all incoming and outgoing transmissions, I happened upon a ten-year-old blonde boy who was absolutely losing his shit; he couldn't find his father. I tried to help him out some, and when his father finally arrived, the man turned out to be a rather standoffish Brit who immediately started scolding his son for a) not being able to find him, b) losing his shit, and c) dressing his coffee wrong. I was relatively cheesed off after that so I went and made friends with a 3-year-old named Daniel, who (without prompting, mind you) confided in me that "Darth Vader is the scariest." It sort of made my day, along with realizing that I've been sort of muddled and anxious in my mind lately, but that it's all right, and not permanent. "All right and not permanent" actually describes most thing we get all knotted up about. I may have to make a little card I can carry around in my wallet.

Dryer's opened up, 6 minutes to go, and I'm done.

Posted by tederick at 8:41 PM in 3QF & i hate mac & jedi antics & miscellaneous crap & movies
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Last night Sarafina and I ordered a metric fuckload of sushi, and played Nintendo. Guess what? I actually still have some game on a classic Nintendo controller. This reverses last week's disappointment when I tried to play Super Mario 3 on the Wii and failed utterly. Turns out, the Wiimote is just a really, really shitty approximation of the classic controller. All the sense memory was gone. Back on the original system, my fingers knew what they were doing long before my brain even had to get involved. There's a metaphor in there somewhere, but I'm too tired and stinky to figure it out right now. I feel like Han Solo, what with the boots and sense of malcontent. I could do with a long, hot shower.

Three days after the Warner Brothers announcement, I have to work actively hard not to refer to the other side of the war as "chumps." That's the problem with this dog-ugly war: it has turned home theatre enthusiasts into a bunch of smug pricks on par with, or possibly even smugly prickier, than Mac addicts. I do not want this! The Digital Bits is largely unreadable now, what with Bill Hunt having turned into such a miserable, conceited fascist. I just want some nice programming and a hot cup of cocoa. I want Serenity and King Kong in Blu-Ray. I don't want a fucking subculture to grow out of this thing. If you're all into home theatre now, are you even a movie fan at all? Is it just technophilia in a demi-aesthetic cloak? If you had a really pretty Blu-Ray test pattern would you be just as happy as if you had Star Wars?

Two Star Wars refs in a single post. I'm backsliding. That's it: I'm going home and throwing out all my toys.

Incidentally, there is a small piece of my soul missing, and it is in a very good place. Otherwise, I am finding the season physically challenging as per the usual. My chest is tight. I haven't been to yoga in a damn long time. It's going to be fifteen degrees or thereabouts in Toronto tomorrow and if so, I am certainly going for a bike ride even if I have to do so after dark. In the meantime I've gotta do something to break out of the crusty shell of scar tissue and stale air that currently surrounds me. I could do with a nice breeze.

"It was the tension between these two poles - a restless idealism on one hand and a sense of impending doom on the other - that kept me going." - The Rum Diary

Posted by tederick at 4:09 PM in galaxy far & i hate mac & shinybludisks & wii
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ITEM!: Blade Runner: The Final Cut. Oh see it see it see it see it. Seeing the flick on the big screen again (with BIG sound) blew the doors open in the back of my mind. Oh, to be the age I am now but somehow miraculously living in 1982 and seeing that flick for the first time having no foreknowledge of how it would rewrite the look of all movies for the rest of time. I may sneak back to the Regent to see it again (or thrice more) before it closes. It's just too goddamned incredible. Plus, potentially my very favourite final shot of any movie ever made. The entirety of the universe and the meaning of human life is in that one shot.

ITEM!: Caught up with an old issue of Tales of the Vampires last night and found that short story Joss wrote about the girl and the orcs. If you have the means I highly recommend reading it. For five pages, I think it's pretty much perfect. It's in TOTV #1.

ITEM!: What the fuck is the deal with iPod album name sorting. In iTunes, an album that starts with "The" gets filed under the first letter of the next word i.e. "The Lord of the Rings" goes under L, not T. On the iPod, it goes under T! Which is frustrating as fuck, but not even my main point. Here's where Apple has once again befouled the corridors of common sense: it works the other way under Artist sorting. (So "The Beatles" get filed under B in the iPod.) WTF. Figure your shit out, Apple!

ITEM!: It is so misty out, when I arrived at McCowan station, it looked like my office was gone. Tasty couple of minutes there.

ITEM!: "Am I cursed never to forget that I am two beings? Two beings forever at war with myself! With one hand I embrace life. With the other I wield pain! Heaven help me, I'm both human and spider, and as such - less than either!" - Spider-Woman #1 (c. 1978)

Posted by tederick at 9:28 AM in comix & i hate mac & j-o-b & joss & movies
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No really.

Posted by tederick at 9:55 AM in i hate mac
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I just want to note that once I'd successfully moved the files I needed from the Mac to the PC - which took me the better part of the last five days - the making of my one minute movie took less than an hour and a half. Thankyouverymuch.

Let's do some linking:

The obligatory Mamo link-out.

Now I'm no age-discriminator, but: what?? Is he not about a clean decade younger than his on-screen wife will be? I find this suspicious. Also: Breaker High sucked.

Oh man, this could end up costing me some hard-earned dimes.

And finally: just the other day I was in an HMV staring at a blow-up poster featuring Spencer Elden's penis, and - rather inevitably, for me anyway - wondering what it's like to have your parents put your penis on what would go on to become one of the most significant album covers of all time, and whether you could ever have a normal relationship with your penis after that, and exactly where that baby got to and how old he'd be by now and so on and so forth. And then unusually coincidentally, Jocelyn blogged about it and now I know (the last part, anyway; he's mum on the other points). Feeling old? Because yeah, that makes me feel kind of old.

Here's a Bendis dialogue snippet:

Mary Jane Watson: "'Mishugas?'"
Peter Parker: "It's Yiddish."
Mary Jane Watson: "Where do you know Yiddish all of a sudden?"
Peter Parker: "I picked it up."
Mary Jane Watson: "You should put it back."

Which is exactly what they say every time I say "mishugas!" Therefore I am Peter Parker.

Posted by tederick at 10:32 PM in comix & i hate mac & pj's playground & podcastery & tederick films & toys!
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Man! I hate new password day! I have been stumbling and tripping over my fingers all morning.

If you ever get in a big argument with some Southern Baptist redneck hick about whether or not God supports homosexuality, look no further than the weather on Pride Day. I don't think I can recall a Pride parade where it wasn't 30 degrees and full sunshine in the city of Toronto. It's uncanny. Clearly, if you are going to be planning an outdoor wedding or something, you should be targeting the next Pride Day.

I, on the other hand, was in Stratford yesterday with my mother, seeing King Lear. It was quite good. Good, not great; there were some awkward stagings in the second half that I really didn't like, and the three daughters were sort of hit-and-miss, performance-wise. Scott Wentworth was terrific as Gloucester, though, and Brian Bedford was a damn solid Lear. It was the first time I've seen the play performed, and the second-last of my must-see-it-performed list of Shakespeare's greatest hits. Need to track down a performance of Henry V, and then I'm into the re-runs. I admit I'm tempted by this year's Othello - haven't seen it in forever and would really like to reconnect. Also scouting around for a Macbeth for the same reason, as well as the simple fact that my interest in that play grows mightily with each year I get older.

All is well. I dropped in for the last couple of minutes of Yellow Wall's soccer final last night, just in time for a shoot-out finish; I am very happy with the team these days and am looking forward to the summer season which has nothing to do with anyone in particular, but is just an overall feeling. And on Friday night I slapped an insane triple-helping of King Kong in between two large burritos, the very definition of decadence - I literally walked from B-Boyz down the alley in back to Cinecycle, watched King Kong Addition (which I wanted to steal out of the DVD player in an ultimate act of "found footage" defiance), then walked back down the alley to B-Boyz and went for it again. Caused an outright panic, too, when I inadvertently capsized the numbering system on my first burrito. Turns out that if you can't be sure your number is the right number, nobody can be sure their number is the right number.

Did a working day at the cottage on Saturday - I finally got to the bottom of the one-minute movie situation, by determining that I could do it on my Mac - if I had six months to spare and a staff of twenty. On the PC (Wednesday night), it will take me less than three hours, start to finish. With both powers at my disposal, I am fairly indestructible.

Posted by tederick at 12:19 PM in blogTO & i hate mac & miscellaneous crap & sockey & tederick films
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The real question is, where to tattoo that on myself so that Sera won't be covered in a filthy mat of brownish hair.

I'm feeling very clever because I decided to rip a whole fuckbunch of DVD commentaries to my Macbook so that I don't have to take the actual DVDs with me to BC. See? Macs don't always suck. I realize I've had the capacity to do this for over half a year but I'm only taking advantage of it now. I am a "late adopter."

This is part of my fiendish effort to bring as little as possible on the plane. My original goal was a single large carry-on but now I'm extending it to a single small carry-on. Computers and clothes. That's it. Oh and a breath mint.

Ironically in spite of the above I have come to 2 realizations recently:

1) I am no longer interested in DVD special features, for the most part. I was watching one of the featurettes on Children of Men last night and they started going into detail about how they achieved the childbirth shot, and I was like "AH! NO! FUCK!! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THAT!!!" I'm particularly disappointed in this case because Cuaron was all like, "I don't like the making-of sort of special features that give away everything so I'm not going to put any on Children of Men." And then he fucking did. Stupid lying Alfonso.

On the whole I'd say if it isn't a movie where the specific technical craft is legitimately interesting for a unique reason - like, say, Panic Room - then I'm pretty much done with that shit.

2) I no longer need to watch trailers for movies I was already going to see. I watched the Ocean's 13 trailer yesterday and about halfway through I realized, "all this is doing is giving away shit about what's going to happen in a movie that I am already committed to seeing." I don't need to be sold on Ocean's 13, or Bourne Ultimatum, or Pirates of the Caribbean 3. I am going to see them regardless. Something like Stardust or whatever where there's still a proof-of-concept type thing that I need to get out of an advance peek, that's another story. But if I'm already sold on something I don't need to watch a commercial for it. Right? Right.

There's no telling what will come of this.

DAVID O. RUSSELL FREAK OUT!!

Posted by tederick at 12:49 PM in comix & i hate mac & movies
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I think I just had the best scotch of my entire life. It's a 15-year-old single malt my parents brought back from Europe last year, which has been gathering dust on my shelf since then while I've been slowly draining other victuals in like kind. Dust-gatherer no longer: I think a dram of that stuff actually cured my entire week. Which was admittedly not a very good week. I was pretty damn depressed for most of it; March is just traditionally a really rough time for me, and a whole lot of things conspired this week to make that more the case than usual. But not any more. Post-scotch I am doing much better.

Hey here's some good news: Cate Blanchett in Indy IV. I'm going with she's either playing Elsa Schneider's daughter, or God. Either is fine.

Points against Indy IV: 1
Points for Indy IV: 1

We officially have ourselves a horse race.

So my old PC looks to finally be cruising towards its own grave-hole. This sucks. Now what the fuck am I gonna do when my stupid Mac does some whackshit stuff that nobody in their right mind can understand, like be unable to burn a DVD or process text files or something? Man. I feel cold and alone out here.

"Ivo Shandor was a fictional character in the film Ghostbusters. He was an insane, early 20th century architect and physician with a penchant for performing macabre and unnecessary surgeries (possibly as a cover for the worship of various evil deities) who designed the high rise apartment building at 55 Central Park West as a giant altar to the Sumerian god Gozer." - Wikipedia

Posted by tederick at 6:22 PM in dr. jones & foodin' & i hate mac
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I put that shit in the ground, my friends. That big, overwhelming, epoch-making project that I've been throwing 12-hour days at since the middle of January is now, officially, an ex-parrot. SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT!!

To celebrate, here's Sulu, largely because Sulu is awesome.

I feel freaking terrific. Yoga was better today, food tasted better today, all the pieces lined up and knocked down like perfect little action figures. I broke open the emergency rum and danced out the door at 5:30, finished off a book on the train as night fell, and sank deep, deep into the music. And my father must be some kind of god in human form, because I came home damn hungry and in a celebratory mood, and what was in the care package he sent me off with on Sunday night? Half a turkey, some stuffing, some gravy, and a peach pie. I made up some mashed potatoes with disgustingly thick mushroom gravy, and just went to town on the whole mess in the pirate bowl Rebecca gave me, and for a little while knew perfect happiness. This is how I gather together all the pieces of a long, disgustingly complicated thing-I-done: I put little bits of the happies in a big, decadent token, and consoom.

Hey guess what? After about four months of off-and-on efforts in this regard, I have finally put some of my movies on my video iPod. It took this long because Macs convert video for iPods that either a) are virtually unviewable because they're so digitally distorted, or b) have no sound. The no sound issue was particularly funny because if you Google "convert selection for iPod" and "no sound" you get message boards where half the Mac users are complaining about this very problem with converting mpegs to iPod video, and the other half are insisting that the problem does not exist. Which pretty much sums up Mac. "Nothing is wrong. Everything is working normally. Do not complain." Ho!

And now to the top-off: I came home and found a package waiting for me, and in that package was American Cinema on DVD. Which may seem utterly meaningless to you but to me is, quite literally, the arrival of the Holy Grail of the past seven years of buying DVDs for me, and is in fact a Grail of my entire filmmaking education and experience. This series, produced back in the mid-90s and aired on PBS, was essentially my film school primer. It is the exact thing that took the me who grew up watching The Making of the Empire Strikes Back and gave him an almost overwhelmingly intoxicating understanding of the wider context of narrative cinema as a whole. It is a Very Happy Thing. And now that I have it, all the little pieces have coalesced into one warm, satisfied whole. I exist in an attitude of gratitude.

"If I really cared so much about facts, I should have written a different kind of book. But my work was done. There would be no further drafts." - Atonement

Posted by tederick at 10:24 PM in i hate mac & j-o-b & shinydisks
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Let me see if I've got this right: on The Simpsons, Lisa pretended to be an Indian and Bart married a pregnant chick, and then on Family Guy, Peter did crack while Stewie begged Lois to step on his cubes. Oh and the pregnant chick was played by Natalie Portman and yes, the fact that the animated character's hair was blonde made it fundamentally impossible for me to guess whose voice it was. ("Britney Murphy...? ...Drew Barrymore?")

Well anyways. Here's the rundown:

• Debt: under a grand.
• Terra: under a grand.
• Steven Spielberg: under a grand.

I am determined to run this laptop clean off the road. The indicator is telling me I have 7 minutes of power left. I will watch this pansy bitch go dark, my friends. I will be here when it happens. Incidentally this pisses me off - not the Linux joke but the ad campaign generally. It took me a few passes to figure out whether the ads were supposed to be pro-Mac or anti-Mac because the Mac guy is so clearly an example of what you get when you hire a marketing company to come up with the exact white male who represents Macdom, i.e., a shithead.

Here's Miniature Fuckin' Hermione by the way, for those keeping score.

Well whatever. Today was a good day. I updated the Tederick Films section of the site for the first time in forever, and my bio, too, which seemed to predate my I'm-over-Bearshark period in some ways. I finished sending Standoff to both On the Lot and the Worldwide Short Film Festival. My project at work sailed through its brand review, Chad and I got the second issue laid out, and my work for '07 is crystallizing both at actual work and at home (work). So... yes. Aside from the fact that I am hungry and tired and have had little besides cheese to eat today, things are on the up and up.

"I don't know what to do! It's like Hamlet only inconsequential!!" - Matt Brown

Posted by tederick at 9:08 PM in i hate mac & miss hermione granger & simps & tederick films & tederickdotcomdotcom & toys!
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This will amuse you: I finally got the music done for Standoff, copied the drafts into the sound edit to tweak the timings, and immediately discovered that all of the cues were completely, irrevocably off-time because GARAGE BAND DOESN'T COUNT IN SECONDS. It was counting in "music time" instead of, oh, you know, a little thing we like to call TIME. So basically I have 2 lovely dideridoo tracks, one of which is ¾ the length of the entire movie, and the other of which is double the length of the movie. And even as it was going on, I wasn't angry, I was laughing, and saying to myself "This could only happen to me. Me, on a Macintosh computer."

I'm ready to say it. (Sing along if you can guess where I'm going.)

I HATE MACS. I FUCKING HATE MACS. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS MAC BULLSHIT. YOU HAVE FAILED, MACKIES, TO DO ANYTHING OTHER THAN INVOKE MY LIFELONG IRE WITH YOUR RIDICULOUS FANTASY DANCES ABOUT THE BRILLIANCE OF THE MAC DESIGN SCHEME. YOU ARE ALL SO VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY WRONG.

See, I can understand a PC. A PC is like a very dumb child. Dumbness in children (as with dumbness everywhere and certainly in computer fetishists) is certainly irritating, but also makes the child completely incapable of doing anything that surprises you because dumbness = lack of imagination.

Macs, on the other hand, are the computer equivalent of a hyperactive 3-year-old always jumping up and down and cartwheeling around the room knocking shit off the walls screaming LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME at the top of its lungs until the neighbours are banging on the door and the turkey is coming out of the oven burnt clean through because you couldn't spare two minutes away from the spastic child to even go check on it, fuck, not even two damn minutes because that kid is so goddamned loud!!!

So now I'm going to go back and re-cut and re-mix my two music cues that have already taken way too long to make in the first place and create "PC edits" of the bad boys and they'll all be right there on the soundtrack album, they will, the track listing will be like this:

Standoff Soundtrack Album

Track 1: Entrada (PC edit)
Track 2: Requiem for a Gleet (PC edit)
Track 3: Entrada (Really fucking long version because Macs suck)
Track 4: Requiem for a Gleet (Requiem for a whole generation of Mac users who are insane and hopeless because Macs suck)

So there. Always remember: Boat anchor. Boat anchor. Truthfully I have enjoyed few purchases in my life as much as I've enjoyed Molly the Macbook for the last six months. But for the purposes of this post, EAT THIS! From hell's heart I stabbedy at thee!!

Posted by tederick at 7:36 AM in i hate mac & tederick films
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