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July 26, 2008

Aliens from space

Between me and my brother, this morning:

Me: Check it out, aliens are actually real.
Adam: Damn... here's hoping he's sane. I wiki'd him and he's 78 so he may just be senile from all the age and space travel.
Me: Or maybe he has a CRYSTAL SKULL??
Adam: More likely, yes.

It wasn't until a few days ago that I actually registered the full measure of my disappointment about Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I was tooling around indianajones.com, there were some video clips from the movie on there, and I just sorta gawped at it. Good lord in fuck, why on earth would anyone ever do a thing like this. It's amazing that three Star Wars prequels couldn't make me hate George Lucas, but this one did it with one computer-animated gopher poking out of a dune hill, and took down my teenboy love of Spielberg with it. They're freezing Lucas in carbonite over in Japan in officially sanctioned product now; can we get desk-sized ones on this side of the Pacific?

On a much lower scale of disappointment is the X Files sequel. For years I have been crying "The world needs Fox Mulder!" so I guess I'm getting what I paid for this weekend; in the post-Batman orgasmic high it barely mattered to me at all that this movie was even coming out, and the results bear out:

I genuinely do: I want to believe. I want to believe in aliens and psychics and fluke men. More than that, though, I desperately want to believe that if the Man is being a scary, lying sonofabitch, there's a couple of methodical, deadpan FBI agents out there with flashlights and cell phones and a drab mid-size sedan, patrolling the highways and biways of middle America / Vancouver with a dogged (Doggett?) interest in figuring out just what the hell is going on. Maybe not solving, maybe not saving, but at least seeing. I believe in The X Files.

Rest of the review is here.

Now utterly unsure of what the hell I'm supposed to go do with myself, I'm going wander around the city and try to find new gods.

July 20, 2008

The Dark Knight

The Dark Knight - which arrives at a level of craft and dedication that will be a high-water mark for 2008 - is not just the film that Batman Begins inspired in all of our minds with its critical final words ("escalation," "taste of the theatrical," "calling card"). It is significantly more: the most dextrous, complicated, and absorbing "comic book movie" ever made.

Click here to read my review, with a heavy spoiler warning.

This review was murderously hard to write. Actually, I guess it isn't even a "review" at all, more of a film analysis than anything about pros/cons of a new Batman flick. Oddly enough I glimpsed at my review for Begins just now, and was struck by how oddly and unintentionally parallel the two reviews are in construction. Which I suppose bodes well for my theory on Nolan and the films, if they could spontaneously generate such similar responses without any purposeful re-examination of my previous writing. That guy is doing some fucking incredibly solid work, man, and with each successive entry I become more and more fascinated.

July 13, 2008

Krull vs. The Machine Girl

Last night the 3QF cinematheque hosted perhaps its final double feature of the season, Krull vs. The Machine Girl. In an odd bit of unintended synergy, both films featured the same five-bladed starfish weapon. The latter, though, also featured a schoolgirl with a machine gun arm. It's tremendous what they're doing with movies these days.

Food on hand for screening: Crullers and sushi.

Coincidentally, around the same time we were doing all that, Warner yanked Where the Wild Things Are from its release schedule altogether, after having previously shoved the release to late '09. The bulljive is in full swing in the press release, and lord knows I'm no great Spike Jonze fan anyway, but I wonder if we're now ever going to see what he conceived as the proper approach to this unmakeable film - an approach which, regardless of how it turns out, is inherently way more interesting to me than anything that "delivers for a broad-based audience." It's a feature-length adaptation of a 15-page children's story, and if the rumour mill it to be believed, it's gonna have giant walking puppets. Honestly, I don't care if it sucks; I just want to see it. There just aren't enough amazing things in the world any more.

Admonitions like that, however, lead to Hellboy II. And it is, unfortunately, time to report that I don't want any more things to lead to stuff like Hellboy II. I am declaring a moratorium on underwhelm: let's get back to kicking some ass, shall we? Review snippet follows thus:

For all his prodigous gifts with the look n' feel, Del Toro has always suffered from recurring skill gaps in his writing: an over-reliance on form; a lack of substance in his English-language dialogue; a tendency to see hererosocial relations from only the male point of view; and what's with all the clocks? Pan's seemed to herald the completion of a successful leap upward from the young director of able adventure stories like Blade II and even the first Hellboy. With Hellboy II, sadly, all of Del Toro's weaknesses as a writer have come roaring back, and have brought some friends. The thing looks fantastic, but goddamn, this is some piss-poor storytelling.

And full review is here. I can't help but notice that I'm writing a lot more bad reviews these days than good ones. I do hope this isn't because I've become an asshole, which I admit is becoming more and more possible with every film I see. I suppose it's unlikely that every single goddamn thing sucks. HB2 has many admirable qualities and means well, if "meaning well" means to plumb whatever street cred Del Toro has amassed in order to make a nice chunk of summer-movie coin. (I don't even begrudge that. Who wouldn't want to make coin? Coin buys condominiums.) I just want a flick to have appreciable achievement in all areas of filmcraft, not just one or two, y'know? Or at least, transport me so spectacularly into its own idea that I come out unable to help admitting that yeah, that thing was a movie, a thing of the world worth making and bestowing upon others. (Like Wall-E, and in a completely opposite series of ways, like The Machine Girl.) I'd like to stop rounding up.

May 23, 2008

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

I haven't received a headache from a movie like that since Magnolia drilled a migraine into my brain.

I know what I'm in for when I step into an Indiana Jones movie, and it ain't common sense, or even layman archaeology. To paraphrase Dr. Jones, the danger is folklore: brilliant for its MacGuffiny, quest-inducing power, but a little thin on credibility. Still, believable or not, the Ark had rules. (Indy even spelled them out, in a brisk 2-minute scene, relying occasionally on a blackboard to help him do so.) The creators of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull have apparently observed no rules whatsoever.

Click here to read my review. Spoilers abound, but then, the word "spoilers" implies some effort on the part of the filmmakers at keeping the plot twists in some way veiled.

December 30, 2007

The top ten films of 2007

Once again we're in a year where everyone knows what #1 is going to be and nobody's gonna be happy about it, so let's start from there and work our way down. In spite of what the critical community might be waxing, '07 wasn't the best year for movies ever ('03 and '99 still kick its ass by a landslide), nor was it the worst ('04 was pretty thin, so was '01). Comfortably of the middle ground, '07 featured a lot of variety, some real standouts, a wealth of solid base hits, and the best worst movie I've seen in a very long time.

In most cases there aren't reviews to speak of, cuz that thing where I was gonna stop reviewing movies kinda almost sorta worked out. But I've linked out to whatever I've got on the blog (or blogTO) that can provide a little context.

#1: Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

The word "masterpiece" gets tossed around so much these days. I'm not even going to attempt to use it here, because at no time have I tried to deny that this thing's got flaws so fucking huge that my fondness for it is genuinely embarrassing. But then, so is my fondness for most things that I am fond of, so fuck it and fuck you (with hugs and kisses!). Really, the reason I just can't stop going on about this thing is onefold: I have seen exactly four movies in my life that have made me feel this unabashedly, ludicrously happy. And while this one may not replace one of the others at the top of the list of my favourite films for too much longer, it's been sort of enjoyable to seat it there for the time being.

I blame the wedding among fish people.

Hey, while we're here, let's hand out another award: best score of the year. Remember when I used to be a Hans Zimmer hater? Well that's over and done with. Zimmer flips the theme structure of the first two movies right on its back here, and writes a musical counter-argument to the original material that does precisely what I love most about the film itself: says "this is film three, and we are in a new place." I have burned a hole in this CD (metaphorically) this year. "Up is Down" might actually be my favourite score track of the past ten years.

#2: XXY

Hey, why not stab out with an arthouse Argentinian flick about gender identity that nobody will ever see as my second film, to redeem the sector of the audience that took off two sentences into the #1 entry above. Right, welcome to the polar opposites of my filmic inclinations. If the world was made up of nothing but overgigantic movies featuring ship-to-ship gun battles in the midst of swirling maelstroms, and tiny little character pieces about 15-year-old he-she's dealing with whether or not they want to be un-hermaphrodited (surgically), I'd be happy as a pig in fucking slop. And though it's probably declassé to say, the teen girlguy-on-guy defloration scene in XXY is definitely one of the hottest sex scenes I've ever seen. But that goes to my predilections in rather a straight line, so let's leave it off right there.

#3: Juno

The sentimental fave that got a bit too oversentimentalized in the time between seeing at TIFF and its actual release into the world, Juno is still a big walking smiley face much more kindly than Gregg Araki's actually-titled Smiley Face, and it's about teen pregnancy without being tragic about it, and it's got pretty much every actor in the world who was ever a genius in it, plus the one who's now potentially going to define the next ten years of "female star." Soooooo... good movie. Actually, let's just leave it with the title of Roger Ebert's review: "No wrong scenes, no extra scenes, and characters you want to hug." There ya go. So far "I want to make sweet sloppy love to this movie" is leading "this movie is really good" 2 to 1.

#4: There Will Be Blood

Trying to place this in the list is like trying to find a seat for a sociopath at Christmas dinner. Who cares where he sits, as long as he isn't near the knives? Actually I'm sort of nervous leaving Blood sitting next to Juno. That's an odd pairing. Technically, Blood is probably better than Juno, but it's also hard to sort out how I feel about it, given that I only saw it last night and when I was done watching it, I mostly just felt like Paul Thomas Anderson had pulled apart the lobes of my brain like he was splitting open a grapefruit, and then proceeded to take a shit in the crevasse he'd made. A good shit, mind you, and satisfying, but was anyone having fun? Hey. What?

#5: Zodiac

Zodiac's a tough little son of a bitch, too. It's perfectly made, of course; if there's a sure-thing filmmaker working in Hollywood today who's more reliable than Fincher for sheer command of craft, I don't know who it is. Unlike most of the rest of his flicks, though, Zodiac ain't enjoyable, and is dedicatedly trying to frustrate your every narrative need throughout, so the film can leave you in a decidedly muddled state when its final frames unfold in a Canadian airport. Still, for geek fetishism of both the actual 1970s and the look of 1970s American filmmaking, it's second to none, and it almost makes Mark Ruffalo not an asshole. So that's something.

#6: 3:10 to Yuma

Masterful existentialist Western. Actually, this raises a good point: 2007 was full of these things - simple genre pieces, easy base hits, that in many cases the director elevated nicely to a honed point by applying some common sense and taking the material seriously. Economical expression, classical dramatic composition, and a kickass cast make 3:10 one of the most engagingly flawless cinematic experiences of the year. I suppose the only really sad thing about any of these is that they've become so fucking rare in the last ten years that now, they're standing out as genuine masterpieces when really, they should just be one among the crowd. This flick had a lot going on under the hood, too, but let's not get too pretentious about Batman vs. Maximus, cuz that's really the whole point.

#7: Une Vieille Maîtresse

What can I say, I'm a sucker for a movie that can make sex work, and make it awesome. The ultimate flick (and whoa, so accurate) about what it's like to fall jealously, obsessively, and above all inextricably, in love with absolutely the wrong girl, Maîtresse owns balls like nothing else I saw this year, made Asia Argento appear to actually know how to act, and put a flush on me right down to my 12-year-old soul. Jeez, I'm blushing just thinking about it right now. Does anyone want to lick fresh blood off my throat?

#8: Death Proof

Sure, it's a genre exercise, but fuck howdy, it's a hell of a genre exercise. The least of Quentin Tarantino's work is still a gleefully exuberant smack out of the park compared with the best of his contemporaries (sadly including, for the purposes of this double-feature, Robert Rodriguez), and Death Proof is just so fucking fun it makes you want to get really drunk on Jack and drive around in the desert with a girl on the hood of your car. Wait, that can't be the intention, can it? Well, whatever. I want that car.

#9: Across the Universe

Well, now the "movies to hug" have tied "movies that are actually good" 4 to 4 (Maîtresse counts toward the former, by the way, for its naughty-feelings-causing-ness). So before the ratio slips too far down towards some kind of critical respectability, let's toss Across the Universe in there with a whole lot of tongue. In many ways too long and too ingratiating, this flick's every note is obvious, literally and figuratively. But it's got that demure glow about it that makes the coyness of its sixties mythologization fade away under the simple premise: this music is part of every single one of us, and apparently, we needed reminding of what that means. Yeah, it's a love-it-or-hate-it, and unsurprisingly, big cheeseball me loved it. And besides, I've just seen a face.

#10: Forever

This is kind of an odd choice for me - a documentary about a cemetery which, at various parts I admit I had difficulty determining whether it was staged or real. And it doesn't so much end as fade out. But it's still often sublime, occasionally profound, and otherwise always otherworldly and beautiful. Also the first movie that ever actually made me want to go to Paris. Take that, Bertolucci!

Honourable Mention: Naissance des pieuvres

I think I've spent every day since I saw this flick at TIFF apologizing for not liking it more at the time. It got by my radar that day, and then proceeded to ferment in my subconscious for the following five or six weeks until it popped out as one of the most important films I saw all year. Naissance is clean, simple queer cinema, but that's actually the source of its charm: seeming artlessness meets precocious emotional nakedness and leaves the soul haunted. We'll look for more work from Céline Sciamma in the future.

The Worst Movie Of The Year: Spider-Man 3

It has been a long, long time since I've enjoyed a worst-of-the-year this much, and this is also easily the most I've ever enjoyed one of Sam Raimi's Spider-flicks. I know that makes me an odd hairy freak, but there it is. This movie is just so coherent. Not in terms of plot or dialogue or performance or anything like that, but just in the bricklayer-like reliability with which, with an almost Kubrickian dedication to construction, each successive scene is in fact worse than the one that came before it, building mistake on top of mistake with such outrageous blindness to any kind of aesthetic decency that by the third act, the film has become a towering pyramid of awfulness that reaches a zenith on top of a skyscraper with a dead Harry Osborn, an almost illiterate Dumbfuck MJ, and, of course, a Spider-Man who just can't stop crying like a little girl with a skinned knee. Honestly: this was one of the best movie-watching experiences I had all year, and I recommend it (and the rum) to anyone. Bravo.

Yesteryear Award: The Prestige

It's only a year old, but the fact that I somehow left Prestige off last year's top ten list is pretty much inexcusable. This is one of those movies that, at the end of the decade (which is now precariously close), I will look back on as one of the great achievements in the medium over these mercurial ten years. My fondness for the flick has only grown in the three viewings (!) that followed the time I saw it in theatres. I just keep going back, and my esteem only grows. What a joyful little clockwork, this.

And that's yer year. And officially....

...2008's gonna make me smile.

December 24, 2007

C'mere, koala bear

Honestly: I never sleep. What's sleep? Bloody pointless, is what. Even when the things that usually keep me from sleeping aren't around, there's always still one more thing between me and pillow. The wheel never stops turning, does it Badger?

How ya doin', Internet? I'll tell you one thing, the Christmas season is not lacking for things to do. Movies with Matty Price. Lunch with Langs. Defenestration with D-Coc. (If only.) Saturday night the North Toronto posse had its sort-of annual reunion; we went to the cash-grab formerly known as Marché and pretended it was a semi-formal. (Mark and I even wore suits, mostly because I wanted to wear my new suit again.) We visited the spitting man, looked for the pornography (but did not find it), and foodwise, the girl and I had waffles and sushi. Together. Take that, planet. Your rules? I spit on them.

Then me and Sarafina went to see Sweeney Todd, and it was pretty much excruciating from frame one. Well, at the least, from frame one it was clear that this thing had so completely missed the boat that the fact that frame one includes a boat was pretty fucking funny after the fact. Yesterday afternoon I opened a vein on the bastard, and wrote what is not so much a review as an utter renunciation:

"One of the things I like least about my job is the ocasional seeming need to psycho-deconstruct filmmakers who, in the paraphrased words of Sick Boy, "had it, then lost it, then it was gone forever." Doing this head job is (of course) pointless, because really, how the fuck do I know what went wrong with Tim Burton? I don't know anything about him. He might look at his recent work with the same mortified contempt that I hold for it, and spend his lunch hours crying uncontrollably in an increasingly small series of bathrooms."

Rest of the deal is here, and I am done with Tim Burton. I will never see another of his films. How sad is that? The dude was one of the three filmmakers who, when I was a teenager, made me want to spend the rest of my life in the movies. And now he's just an asshole. Fuck you Tim Burton. I'm off the ride.

I drove Sarah to Brantford yesterday in my dad's new Land Rover, which, after three years of the Smrt car, felt appreciably like stretching my legs, though I could have done with more highway drive time. Got home and nipped over to the Brown Family Christmas, which kicks off the 96-hour eat-a-thon that is the next few days of my life. Actually I did all right, eating-wise. I think my stomach has shrunk. I also kicked Trevor's ass in the annual roundtable game (it was "Things" this time), although he then gave me some payback on the lightning-round follow-up.

It was warm and rainy when I woke up yesterday, and cold and lonely when I got home. Two more things kept me up late, one very good, one not so good, and I don't remember sleep, though I have faith that it was there.

"She represents the Lollipop Guild." - Mark
"The Lollipop Guild?" - Trevor
"The Lollipop Guild." - Mark

December 8, 2007

The Golden Compass

Well, here goes...

The only time the daemons truly impress, ironically, is when they die - each of them vanishes in a dangerously aestheticized explosion of fiery Dust particles, which positively reeks of a studio saying "we could do something really cool here!" rather than thinking that, perhaps, a human life being snuffed out ought to be played as horrific rather than wondrous. But I'm sure some spreadsheet somewhere proved that golden baths of dusty colour sell more happy meals than souls being pinched out of existence by the brutal finality of death.

...and the rest.

I'm not particularly happy with this review but I had to get it done or my brain would have slowly dissolved in this mediocre little bastard of a movie. In a lot of ways I wish it had been significantly worse if it could not have been significantly better; its utter blandness makes even writing about it a challenge, and even less fun than watching it, which is saying something.

Well, now we've had our Bakshi version.

November 26, 2007

Meat and paint

Well there's no other way to say it, Beowulf fascinated me blind. I don't think it was a good movie, really, but ho... interesting. I actually wrote a review of it, because once I started putting the ideas together in my head, I couldn't stop. Like Die Hard 4 this summer, it's probably just another good example of a mediocre movie that unknowingly bears huge, huge, subtextual freight. But riding on that train of thought is just... well... wheeeeeeeee!!

But neither naked warrior (whose dick outdoes Bart Simpson’s for coyness) nor Rubenesque woman is anything more than the digital manifestation of what a programmer thinks those things should look like – a sin of animation for generations, so nothing new here, but one whose potential photorealism is about to give it a hell of a demented 21st Century subtext.

Rest of the review is here.

I like trains. The other day I actually said (well, wrote) "Narnia's cool and all, but I prefer trains." It was a hell of a thematic point in context, but taken out of context I think it's just a dandy sentence in its own right.

I have found a new home!! Unfortunately there are people living there who would need to be removed, so assassination may be involved. But otherwise I am deeply, deeply in love. I mean, 3QF is awesome too. And Teen Girl Squad? So fun. But 2008 is the future for at least five more weeks, and I am all about the future.

August 6, 2007

The Bourne Ultimatum

Other people prefer second chapters, for their inherent ambiguity and narrative darkening; I like watching a master storyteller pull all the attendant threads towards the middle like every single one of them has been heading there all along - and then blow everything up real good. Ultimatum doesn't disappoint in this regard; if it's not as gloriously sharp as Supremacy, it's about twice as skullfuckingly dense and nearly three times meaner.

Complete review be here.

Man, I love completing a trilogy. I think this is the last scheduled review that I have for quite some time - still haven't figured out what I'm going to be doing during TIFF this year (blogging at least, but I doubt I'll settle down to write actual one-pagers on anything because fuck, who has the time?) and I don't have anything else I'm keening to write about in the immediate future. But this was a fun one.

July 31, 2007

The Simpsons Movie

The only nominal element curiously missing is a musical number; and the only true concession to the Friday night morality of the multiplex is a gag shot of Bart's dick. Otherwise, it's Simpsons through and through. Big glorious frame (and computer-enhanced animation and colouring) notwithstanding, it's amazing how cleanly the 88-minute movie effort fits within the emotional rhythms of the 400-strong flotilla of 22-minute episodes.

Click here to read my review.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

July 13, 2007 4:29 PM

The Dutchman sails as her captain commands

June 29, 2007 7:46 PM

It never rains

June 10, 2007 1:08 PM

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

May 25, 2007 11:56 AM

El Chupacabre

April 22, 2007 1:27 PM

You drift too far will you swim towards the shore

April 21, 2007 10:18 AM

Grindhouse

April 6, 2007 9:29 PM

It's a low-percentage move

March 5, 2007 10:25 AM

The Top Ten Films of 2006

December 31, 2006 9:47 AM

Children of Men

December 30, 2006 10:10 AM

The Good German

December 27, 2006 10:12 AM

Sunday, bloody Sunday

December 10, 2006 3:17 PM

The first time I smoked guess what? Paranoid.

December 4, 2006 7:28 PM

Casino Royale

November 19, 2006 5:09 PM

Borat Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

November 7, 2006 1:55 PM

Thin

November 3, 2006 9:24 AM

Flags of our Fathers

October 31, 2006 10:23 AM

Catch a Fire

October 30, 2006 11:31 AM

The Prestige

October 26, 2006 10:47 AM

The Science of Sleep

October 14, 2006 9:37 AM

The Departed

October 8, 2006 11:53 AM

The last reviews

September 17, 2006 8:50 PM

Two guys wander the streets of Budapest trying to kill a chicken

September 16, 2006 2:03 AM

The festival that saved my year

September 15, 2006 5:25 PM

Deep breath

September 14, 2006 10:58 AM

Deja vu deja vu

September 12, 2006 10:32 AM

The Beast

September 12, 2006 12:12 AM

Life is growth growth is change change is chaos

September 11, 2006 10:55 AM

So close

September 10, 2006 2:12 AM

The collapse of time and reason

September 9, 2006 10:31 AM

Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone

September 8, 2006 9:16 AM

Into the river

September 8, 2006 2:16 AM

Little Miss Sunshine

August 25, 2006 10:32 AM

Snakes on a Plane

August 19, 2006 11:20 AM

The Descent

August 6, 2006 10:43 AM

Lady in the Water

August 1, 2006 11:35 PM

Miami Vice

August 1, 2006 11:34 PM

A Scanner Darkly

July 22, 2006 11:52 AM

Clerks 2

July 20, 2006 10:39 PM

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

July 8, 2006 11:23 AM

Superman Returns

June 29, 2006 12:53 AM

Banlieue 13

June 14, 2006 8:31 PM

An Inconvenient Truth

June 7, 2006 7:06 PM

Hard Candy

May 27, 2006 10:00 PM

X-Men: The Last Stand

May 27, 2006 12:08 PM

The Da Vinci Code

May 21, 2006 3:45 PM

Ocean's Twelve

May 13, 2006 11:54 PM

FUCK

May 7, 2006 10:45 AM

Mission: Impossible III

May 5, 2006 5:38 PM

Weekend Wroundup, part 2

May 1, 2006 10:29 PM

Weekend Wroundup, part 1

April 30, 2006 11:06 PM

A Bittersweet Life

April 24, 2006 10:01 AM

Festivaloti.

April 23, 2006 5:54 PM

Festivalito!

April 22, 2006 9:39 PM

Fascination

April 17, 2006 8:08 PM

Slither

April 2, 2006 10:30 AM

Inside Man

March 27, 2006 8:48 PM

Brick

March 23, 2006 6:50 PM

V for Vendetta

March 18, 2006 1:17 PM

Dave Chappelle's Block Party

March 7, 2006 11:26 PM

Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story

February 19, 2006 5:02 PM

Caché

February 6, 2006 7:16 PM

Eve and the Fire Horse

January 29, 2006 9:49 AM

Match Point

January 24, 2006 8:36 PM

Good Night, and Good Luck

January 22, 2006 12:57 AM

The New World

January 22, 2006 12:56 AM

The Top Ten Films of 2005

December 31, 2005 12:47 PM

Brokeback Mountain

December 28, 2005 7:02 PM

Munich

December 24, 2005 10:42 AM

The Best Toys of 2005

December 18, 2005 10:47 AM

King Kong

December 15, 2005 1:12 AM

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

December 13, 2005 10:41 AM

Syriana

December 7, 2005 7:05 PM