A tiny, vicious-looking miniature helicopter would go nicely with my trebuchet, don't you think? I could send out sorties into the rest of the office, lure enemies back to my desk with the promise of RC helicopterin' fun, and then hit them with a fusillade of trebuchet-flung hellfire. But I don't trust ThinkGeek any more, not since the Venus Flytrap incident of 2006, which was admittedly my own fault for thinking that the climate in Toronto was somehow equivalent to that of Buenos Aires, but I blame ThinkGeek nevertheless. Because I'm a dork.

• Plush zombie with mix-and-match zombie parts ooooh!
• No reason not to have the headpiece to the Staff of Ra on one's keychain.

Sarafina and I took a lap around the Spaced block last night, with delicious foods to go along with, and she's also working her way through the first season of Lost rather ravenously, which has made me want to go back and watch the whole thing all over again, or at least get to December quickly so I can watch Season 4 when it comes out on the DVD. The dino-natives are restless.

Television programs I apparently no longer watch:

• House
• The Simpsons
• Pushing Daisies

Television programs I continue to watch in spite of myself:

• Sookie Stackhouse or whatever the fuck it's called

Thus returning us to my long-held, little-believed assertion that I don't watch TV any more.

Posted by tederick at 9:46 AM in 4-8-15-16-23-42 & dr. house & dr. jones & miscellaneous crap & simps & tv & zombies
Permalink | Comments (0)

Not to keep stressing the point, but what a godfucking terrible week. The illness gave way on Thursday or Friday and in its place, a big gnawing depression. I'm completely wiped out and run down. I can't even look at the world right now, it's so stupendously dismal out there. I guess I did all right making it this far without any other major incidents. But still, I would support the destruction of our planet in a heartbeat if it meant a fiery yellow sun burned through this grey bilge and scorched the earth with light.

I am filing this entry under "miscellaneous crap," because that's what my life is right now. The one area in which I am excelling is in finding and framing bits of art for my walls. Everything else is gash.

Hey guess what, zombies? YOU WIN!! I cannot fucking stand playing Resident Evil 4 any more. I'm just not up with the skill wit da vidja games. This Illuminados-killing suicide mission long ago ceased to be entertaining and became merely time-consuming, so I'M GIVING IT UP. Let the zombie hoards overtake this goddamned horrible world. I don't care any more, man. I am courting apocalypse.

And science: I'm tinkering around with something I call the Law of Facebook Status Response. It goes something like: the amount of time in which a Facebook "friend" replies to your status update as though it's a personal message to them is inversely proportional to the degree to which you have no desire to hear from that person whatsoever. Suffice to say, I shall shortly go on a Deleting Frenzy.

I, too, am fucking Matt Damon, and he's tight.

Posted by tederick at 4:42 PM in miscellaneous crap & the apocalypse & wii & zombies
Permalink | Comments (7)

You know what Bex gave me for Christmas? A goddamned rum jug. An actual earthenware jug, for rum. Obviously (as the title of this post indicates), she also gave me a rug. Together, these things make a fine little roll-off-the-tongue phrase which would be suitable for an album name or perhaps a sex act. I'm quite pleased.

More good news: Bex and I finally got around to Suck It: Two! OK, I admit I didn't quite twig to the fact that it has actually been nearly three months since we did Suck It: One. That's shameful. But it's out there now.

While on the subject of podcasting, right after I wrote that thing about how moviesTO had hit its hundredth show and was doing fine, moviesTO got shitcanned. Well maybe shitcanned is the wrong word and maybe it will rise phoenix-like yet again, but for now, it's taking a breather. Which should demonstrate to you why I should never say anything out loud, ever, for I possess the secret of the Deplorable Word.

I got the last tickets to tomorrow night's sneak of There Will Be Blood. I am so fucking proud of myself you'd almost think I'd fought zombies.

Posted by tederick at 7:42 PM in blogTO & movies & podcastery & the rum diaries & zombies
Permalink | Comments (0)

"Holy god, that's a lot of zombie pants." - what I kept misreading on my own blog, every time I jumped into Tederick.com today

Well I just got in a fight I couldn't win with my own lightswitch. I mean honestly - people keep trying to assure me my problems aren't unique, but could that happen to anyone else?

Trying something new: comments are still moderated here on Tederick.com but they now publish immediately. (Well, actually it takes about 30 seconds.) My ability to manage junk has increased exponentially in the past 12 months so I think it's relatively safe to assume that only a couple of spam comments will get through, and that I can get rid of them within a few hours of their arrival. Soooooo... we'll see how this goes. If it chucks up, we'll go back behind the gate.

I am a new level of bendtacular. I had that day at yoga! The one where Gudrun (Yoga Instructor B) came over and said "you're pretty flexible!" Which, for me, might as well have been "I have never seen any human as proficient in the art and science of body-bending as you, Matt Brown, currently are." But yes, I was particularly flexisome today, and still feeling good about it 8 hours later. Stuff I couldn't do 3 months ago came easy as pie today.

Now get your nerd out and revel: someone (with the auspicious screen name of effulgent12) has done what I have long wanted to see, and Godfathered the Angel flashbacks in their entirety. Including Spike, Darla, and any other ancillary characters. 22 episodes at 8 minutes apiece makes a fuck of a lot of watching, so I haven't done it yet, but I watched a bit. It's pretty cool, and so painfully geeky! Oh someone needs to give that effulgent12 a big nerdy hug.

Will Mulder and Scully stumble across Frank Black in X-Files 2? I sincerely hope the answer is "BLARGGHHHH!"

Went out for a much-needed pair of beers tonight, and realized that it is in fact Tuesday, not Monday, which means it's technically my Wednesday. Ordered a buncha stuff off the internet to take advantage of the continuing fire sale that is Amazon.com vs. .ca. Must go and fold clothes and finish The Matrix now. New frogpipe: so good. Between this and the Pillows From God I'm calling my room the place to be nowadays.

Posted by tederick at 8:48 PM in joss & movies & tederickdotcomdotcom & zombies
Permalink | Comments (0)

"Holy god, that's a lot of zombie points." - me in mid Facebook zombie fight

GOOD FRICKLORD, this weather's depressing. This is the weather equivalent of that time in Pushing Daisies when Ned bit into a strawberry pie that he had unbeknownstingly made and the strawberries died and decayed in his mouth. Zombie strawberries. Yay, I name this zombie strawberry weather: kinda pretty and poetic I s'pose, but damn you don't want it in your mouth.

Now I'm all about the Catbook. Yeah: I'm that guy. I'm trying to maintain some semblance of sanity around the whole thing in that I don't friend up with cats I haven't met just because I know their humans, and I don't let other people be in Zam's family because she's mine all mine. Someone tried to co-own Zam last night and I REJECTED that shit. Just as, I feel, Zam would do if she had opposable thumbs and rudimentary computer knowledge. She and I are both fullsome in our casual disregard of the feelings of others.

Podcast re: 1MFVF with me as the guest. I realize that we owe the world a Mamo, and a (different "we") Suck It, and probably some other stuff too. But scheduling's been a bitch.

Slash last night: didn't work out. Apparently rock gods don't hang about in bookstores for long, like they did back in my day. These kids today! Consornit. But there was something mildly spiritual in me, Mark and Adam at least trying for it. Cuz who else would?

Me and the Cannonball just commiserated at length, because we're both fed up with every single thing about the now. But I'm sure it will pass. Really I'm only bummed about two things. And they can't keep us locked up in these bamboo cages forever.

Posted by tederick at 8:14 AM in miscellaneous crap & podcastery & zombies
Permalink | Comments (0)

Also: based on this and Spike: Asylum / Shadow Puppets, it is now readily apparent that every single Joss Whedon fan knows another Joss Whedon fan who is not British but can't stop pimping British slang. I am the latter, not the former, and my shame is boundless, yet I've no intention of stopping. Sod blimey codpiece.

I would dearly love to make a very, very Canadian zombie movie out of Zombies Calling, but I suspect Slave Labor is not gonna sell me the option for the three dollars in nickels that currently reside in my change purse. Even if I show them my winning smile.

Yeah I think I'm gonna go see Slash now.

"Norbert? I wish! My name is Gaylord Q. Tinkledink." - Not a quote from ZC but it's in my head.

Posted by tederick at 8:29 PM in comix & zombies
Permalink | Comments (3)

Strikewatch: yes!: Frank Darabont gonna go sue-crazy on Indy 4! Did the screenwriter of the very bestest Young Indy episode ever ("Young Indiana Jones and the Phantom Train of DOOM!") contribute more to the Crystal Skull script than he previously believed? With a title like that, would he even want this information known? Time shall tell.

Meanwhilst, Marvel to go webby. File that under inevitable, but if there ever comes a time when I'm reading my funnybooks offa my laptop on the counter at Burrito Boyz instead of manhandling a proper printed version, I am offically calling Joel Lopata and telling him to come snap my neck. (We have an arrangement on issues of snappings of necks that goes back a decade.)

In closing,

And now I am officially at the stage where I become teary with excitement when I encounter zombie pop culture. Like Zombies Calling, and not just cuz I had a crush on Faith Erin Hicks for a solid week after I met her in the spring. Nope: it's all about the zombies. Oh cruel, merciless fates.

Posted by tederick at 3:24 PM in comix & dr. jones & youtubery & zombies
Permalink | Comments (0)

Well, I guess my cold is getting better but the all-day headache that was brought on by the weather makes it sort of hard to say. Everything's kinda "shimmery" right now. Plus column: my back's way better. But I really feel like my head is about to come shooting off on a streamer of light.

Jim Broadbent! What is that guy's deal. He is in all the fantasy franchises. He's in Narnia, he's about to be in Harry Potter, he's in His Dark Materials and Indiana Jones, and he's the guy standing on Denethor's immediate left when old Denny jumps off the prow of Minas Tirith. True story. And he was Gamorrean guard #3 in Return of the Jedi and Moses Friend #1 in The Ten Commandments and also one time, he played Buddha. Who is his agent? I would like to meet such an agent, who seemingly does the impossible.

I haven't played the Wii in a really long time. I like to limit my Wii usage to really sporadic, but really intense sorties. Like a few weeks ago, I played for about 48 hours straight. Many shuvs and zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you. And maybe it's the October weather - which is just lovely, isn't it? I must be the only human alive who likes this sort of endless melancholic drizzle - but I am really in the mood for some zombie wastage. It's probably best I didn't attend the zombie walk on the weekend; there's no telling what I woulda done.

The problem is that usually when I want to go to something that involves getting dressed up in costume, dousing oneself with blood and/or rum, and acting outrageously, most of my friends go "sigh" not "yay." So I skipped the zombie walk. I'm really only disappointed with myself.

Man. This headache ain't gettin' better from sitting here writing about it. I need a shower and a cold dark room.

Posted by tederick at 5:13 PM in miscellaneous crap & movies & wii & zombies
Permalink | Comments (0)

12" Sao Feng: worth every bloody penny. (And the penny count? Not small.) This falls in line with my new goal of buying less crap but buying way better crap. This is tip top crap. And I got him delivered to work, Brainwave of the Year. No back-and-forth with FedEx for their refusal to leave it on my porch. No sir. Two words: receiving department. Can't believe I didn't twig to this before. I'm going to take him home and have him fight Megatron. Why? Because one of the things I realized last week at Tony Robbins was that in spite of the fact that I own all these toys, I like never play with them! That's changing starting right now. And it's all about cross-franchise throwdowns this week.

Speaking of cross-franchise throwdowns, today in "hilarious things to link to," Lance Henriksen playing guns with Ewen Bremner. You know, there are days when I really don't want to know what it's like at Lance Henriksen's house. Is it really fun? Really scary? Sort of boring? I'm sure there's an answer, and I don't want it. I just want to ruminate.

When I was a kid we had this crazy dealie you plugged in to the ass of a Nintendo video game and then when you plugged the whole thing into the Nintendo, it did crazy shit like give you a billion bonus lives or make Super Raccoon Mario into a kind of living god. My question is: is there a Game Genie for the Wii? Cuz if so I gotta get that thing happening. Imagine what I could do to those motherfucking zombies if I was a Super Raccoon Mario.

I am feeling much better, thank you Internet for asking and for all your well wishes. Even the ones that were not technically English. Now I'm off to find a brownie and some ice cream.

Posted by tederick at 3:54 PM in megatron & toys! & wii & zombies
Permalink | Comments (0)

I'm not saying this to impress anyone with my social fortitude, but I am actually booked for every evening between now on the fifth of October. Every single one. In the shower last night I strongly considered declaring People Bankruptcy to go along with all my other bankruptcies; everyone would just get an e-mail saying "I'm sorry, but through my own incompetence I massively overbooked myself and have begun to fear for my ability to survive, so if we made plans for this month I may just not show up." But then, I have to eat, right?

Stuff I got for my birthday!: a Wii and stuff for the Wii, a Blu-Ray player (yet to be bought), a t-shirt that says "time flies when you're having rum," Play Doh, books about salt, tea and rum, a 12" Jack Sparrow to go with the 6" Jack Sparrow and the 18" Jack Sparrow, and various cards, shots, and punches in the arm.

Resident Evil 3 was terrible. Absolutely fucking terrible. Possibly the second worst movie ever made. I was plenty drunk by the time we got in there so really I guess I didn't mind as much as I might have, but the movie was so bad that even the "get drunk and go see a terrible movie" thing didn't work out in terms of the humourous. Still, it was fun to hang out with everybody. Now let us never speak of my 31st birthday again.

Posted by tederick at 6:45 PM in miscellaneous crap & movies & the rum diaries & wii & zombies
Permalink | Comments (0)

Brandy: The dollar is over a dollar.
Me: We rule!

Facebook is far too annoying and I already wish I'd never joined, but the upside is that the "Wall" thingie really does boil down all my friends into their most defining attributes: Mer's on there saying FB's not as cool as they say it is, Bex is trying to shoot me down (and FAILING!), Matty Price is being loving and supportive, and Jessi just wants her wallet back. The Wall is the crucible of the soul.

Remember that thing where I said I wasn't going to get sick? Apparently no one told my nose. I am leaky and gross. How am I supposed to kill zombies now? Sneeze on 'em?

Posted by tederick at 7:25 AM in goddamn politics & zombies
Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by tederick at 2:12 PM in movies & the rum diaries & zombies
Permalink | Comments (2)

Owwwwwww ow ow - my arm hurts from Wiimote use. Which I guess goes to show you how few punches I throw in real life.

Yeah, Chris and Demetre and I took the boxing for a few rounds last night. I managed to not play the Wii for the entire time I was working at home yesterday - and then 3:30 rolled around, I turned off the laptop, turned on the Wii, fired up RESIDENT! EVIL! ...FOUR. and the next time I looked up, it was dark. In the plus column though, I cut down zombies like a thresher cuts corn. Zombies have become the perfect metaphor for my life, my pain, and the entirety of confusing human existence.

So September's here. Did you know I only saw the Harry Potter movie once this summer? I've sort of been kicking myself about that lately. The book just sort of overwhelmed everything and now I've got some serious Order cravings I can't satisfy till the DVD comes out. (Actually, till a month after the DVD comes out, on account of DVD Bankruptcy not expiring until December 4.) Plus the first screening of a Potter flick is basically useless; it all just gets burned settling up the expectations vs. reality account and creating the List of Things They Changed From the Book. I never saw the IMAX 3-D, either, and I never will. So dumb. Sorry Harry. I really do adore you.

Speaking of movies, did you know that there's actually a serious ongoing debate on the Interwebs right now about the shakycam cut style of The Bourne Ultimatum? I thought it worked brilliantly, and I saw the flick in about the sixth row of the Varsity 8, over on the left side of the theatre, so I don't think screen proximity helped me out at all. Apparently a lot of other people had serious problems interpreting the visual data, however... or even keeping themselves from being sick. David Bordwell has some pretty interesting comments on the matter over on his blog, but on issues like this I start to wonder if matters more physiological and less psychological might be at work. (And again, I rail against the concept of an objective understanding of "how film works.") We don't really know a lot about the actual physical components of how a human body interacts with a filmed image; it's possible that the ability to sift through "run and gun" filmmaking is as genetic as hair colour. I can't smoke 2 Cuban cigars back to back to save my life, but I can sit through the entire Bourne trilogy and not even develop a headache. I drilled through the complex web of visual and aural information, found the thread I needed to hang onto, and hung onto it; the rest of the frenzy merely informed that relationship, rather than negatively interfering with it. I really do believe that Greengrass was doing something significantly more intelligent with the "run and gun" approach than, say, Tony Scott does with it; that he was working on a more coherent and intelligent schematic in order to make it all work. But maybe chaos is chaos, and finding order in it is as accidental as seeing faces in wet sand. Just like, you know, life.

Posted by tederick at 1:15 PM in h-pot & miscellaneous crap & movies & wii & zombies
Permalink | Comments (4)

"Enough of this handgun shit. Close quarters killing! That's how you know you're a man." - Matt Brown

"I gotta admit, this is fuckin' fun." - Mark Brown

[Yes. I arrive at every single internet fad six months late. Today's fad: Wii love. Tomorrow's fad: Facebook. Get ready for it, I'm totally cruising March '07 right now.]

Posted by tederick at 9:15 PM in wii & zombies
Permalink | Comments (2)