I tell ya what the biggest problem is, this close to the end:
the paranoia. The bloody paranoia that you're going to see something or read
something or hear something and it's going to ruin the WHOLE DAMNED MOVIE
FOR EVER AND EVER AND EVER
AND EVER!!
I shall not return to TheForce.Net. I shall not!! One day at a
time I tells ya, one day at a time. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
YOU'LL NEVER STOP THE SIMPSONS!!!
April 28th, 2002
Fourteen reasons why I'd make an outstanding travelling
companion:
I'm affable
I bring a sense of levity to even the most morose travel
proceedings, such as waiting in airport lounges, being ripped off by taxi
drivers, and accidentally wandering into "the bad part of town"
Can instantly navigate any toy store, anywhere in the
world
Years of Ebay experience make me an expert at currency
conversion
I have been known to "get jiggy with it"
I'm no Stephen Roque, but I can dance
Easily intoxicated, leading to lower bar bills
My hectic daily schedule would result in minimal jet lag
issues
I travel very light
I always bring a teddy bear, useful as a travel cushion,
comfort device, and insta-entertainment
Years of filmmaking experience make me the ideal travel
documentarian
The Force is with me
I'm a non-threatening male counterpart, maximizing my
companions' ability to score
I do not develop a significant odour, even after days without
a shower
So there.
In exactly two weeks (as I'm writing this) the curtains will
open, the lights will dim, and my favourite ten words (and four dots) will
blaze across the screen....
April 27th, 2002
Everything moves at a snail's pace here in the Tederick.com
world, but some much-needed renovations are finally complete:
The Tederick.com Gallery is now open, with a pretty lame first
photo album: my toys, as of today.
The Tederick.com Theatre has arrived, out of a need for a
single, central point to showcase the latest video content on the site. For now
it's, you guessed it, "Add Blue Take Out Light."
The Tederick & Me pop-up has been expanded with info about
the whole site.
And yes, there may even be a Bone Daddy site map in the
immediate future....
April 24th, 2002
ADD BLUE TAKE OUT LIGHT
Click the image to download "Add Blue Take Out Light," the first
music video from Jessica Fletcher, featuring an all-new track from our
forthcoming CD! And don't forget to visit the official
Jessica Fletcher web site for all your JF
news, views, and miscellaneous nonsuch.
The video is 15 megs, and is presented as an mpeg to keep the
bitchhounds at bay.
April 23rd, 2002
Indy IV looks like it may actually be going ahead, with shooting
tentatively scheduled for summer 2004. (This would make sense, being an
observable window in Lucas' production schedule for Episode III.) Of course,
would that mean that both E3 and I4 would arrive in the summer of 2005? Can one
man take such bliss?
I don't know who's running Lucas Licensing these days but I
gotta say, I'm impressed. They're really getting in the game. Today's proof: an
exhaustive archive of Star Wars merchandising has been added to the Official
Site at cargobay.starwars.com, instantaneously transforming the OS
(which, let's face it, was pretty lame a few years back) into viable
competition for resources such as Rebelscum. It's part of an overall increase
in a "by the fans, for the fans" feel to Lucas' public armadas.
It's funny, because today is actually Toy Day - but of course, I
pretty much already have everything, so like the premiere of the film itself,
it's a bit of a non-event for me. Still, I found the Deluxe figures today. The
"Force-Flip Attack" feature is pretty lame, but trying to get it to work is
just about the most fun you can have procrastinating without actually switching
over to procrasturbating.
Gumbel's out, Rosie's in: Rosie O'Donnell, who is only slightly
less annoying than Bryant Gumbel, will host the live Survivor 4 reunion show on
May 19th. The reunion is being broadcast from Central Park.
A confession: I actually do love Felicity. I know I am
destined to be shunned by many, but that show tickles me pink. And it's got
Scott Foley in it. Don't you just love Scott Foley?
And finally, in the single greatest act of mercykilling in all
television history, Ally McBeal has been given the can. The last episode
is on May 20. Hallelujah.
April 22nd, 2002
Tederick.com is now Netscape 6 compatible! Take that,
Macbitches.
The Simpsons cannot be stopped. Langley, Frohicke and Byers, on
the other hand, are history. It's always nice when shows intentionally taunt
that shark. And who caught the even-more-Survivorized first portion of
Eco-Challenge New Zealand? That was frickin' fantastic!
April 21st, 2002
Three weeks until Attack of the Clones and it's all
really starting to come together. I found the rest of the first batch of action
figures last night (yes, there were more), including a new personal favourite:
Senator Jar Jar. (Oops... was that a spoiler?)
Bone Daddy and the Fourth Reich, on the other hand, shall
remain in flux for a while: as many have heard (but few can believe), Mark is
on his way to Bolivia next month and won't be back for a while, effectively
delaying the premiere date. The colour timing is done, however, and the music
is being worked on. A music video for the film's premiere single is also in the
pipeline.
At least four other projects are on the go right now, including
the first Jessica Fletcher music video, two short films, and yes, another
VCR movie. Details to follow...
April 20th, 2002
Fuck. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
I'm not going to the Star Wars Celebration in Indiana in two
weeks, for all the obvious reasons. I mean, you people think I'm crazy, but I'm
not that crazy. But look what attendees are getting: an actual George
Lucas action figure.
Exclusive to the Celebration and produced in those famed
"limited quantities," this puppy features Herr Direktor, in brilliant
laser-scanned likeness (yes, the helmet is removable), as a Rebel X-Wing pilot.
And to get one on Ebay will probably cost me several hundred dollars.... and I
don't think I'm even that crazy. Sigh.
Downloaded a couple of new E2 ads today... mostly recycled from
the trailers, but featuring music from the film by Master J. And one kick-ass
line from Master Sammy J....
April 18th, 2002
"NOOOOOOOO!" #1:
David Fincher's next film is Mission Impossible 3. Not
Seared, which I've been drooling over for years, and not Hard
Boiled, but MI3. Makes all that praise I heaped on him a couple
weeks back seem radically misplaced.
"NOOOOOOOO!" #2:
The sequel to Dude, Where's My Car? is on the way. It's
called Seriously Dude, Where's My Car?
"NOOOOOOOO...?" #3:
John Williams has confirmed that he is going to re-score
portions of the original Star Wars to better cohere the music to the
saga as a whole. This, of course, will include the addition of the Imperial
March to the film - and, I'm assuming, will lead to the erradication of the
rather nice, understated Imperial theme that's already there. I take this as
the best proof yet that the Special Edition was only the
beginning....
Josh makes the next logical career move, and runs
for MPP against Ernie Eaves in the May 2 by-election. My hearty congratulations
to Josh on the party's nomination, and best of luck in the race!
April 16th, 2002
It's official: Mark Burnett is planning to shoot an All-Star
edition of Survivor next year. No word on which former castaways he intends to
include in this gathering, but one can assume that just about everybody (except
Tina) would be game for the go. Here's my list:
Richard
Sue
Rudy
Greg
Sonja (yes, that Sonja)
Elisabeth
Rodger
Jeff Varner
Jerri
Lex
Big Tom
T-Bird
Rob Mariano
Sean Rector
Pappy
Gina
It's a little S1-heavy but I miss those guys. Obviously Hatch
would be the first voted off in any configuration, followed by any other
winners Burnett enters in the game, but it would sure be interesting to see the
losers go at it.
Expect Jessica Fletcher's first music video sometime in the next
week. The video will also be the debut of a new single, track 10 on the
forthcoming CD.
April 15th, 2002
Well I got spoiled on something major for Episode II this
morning thanks to the inimitable brainlessness of Adam Pawlus, so I'll go a
little Buffy spoiler-happy to spread the misery around:
We're counting down, fifteen days until the BSD - Big Scooby
Death. As expected, Willow is gonna get damn fucking mighty pissed, making her
half-episode vendetta against Glory last season look positively polite. So,
that oughta give at least a decent idea of what's heading our way.
Am I happy with this impending stroke of mortality?
Hellllllllllllllllllll NO. I might go all black-eyed psycho-witch
myself.
Switching gears: Ashley Judd was on Letterman last week and
mentioned (joking?) that she's in Nemesis as Robin Lefler, who is now
married to Wesley Crusher. If it's true it's the funniest thing ever,
and if it's a joke... it's the funniest thing ever.
Looks like the X-Files finale is going to be a courtroom
episode. I am reminded of the Seinfeld finale, and the memories are not
fond.
April 14th, 2002
add blue take out light
April 12th, 2002
ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO
ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO
ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO
ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO
ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO
ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO
ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO
ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO
ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO
ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO
ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO
ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO
ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO
ONE MONTH TO GO ONE MONTH TO GO
until the charity screening, of course. :) SUCKERS!
Yup, it's looking like Survivor: Thailand for the next
go-around. When will they get to the Amazon basin? Hopefully, whenever they let
me play. And who among us agrees that the Robfather deserves an Emmy for last
night's show? Things are getting groovy in the Tribe of Pink...
April 11th, 2002
ATTACK OF THE TOY CLONES!!
In what will no doubt go down in history as one of the all-time
orgies of goodness, Jason and I found the first two waves of Attack of the
Clones figures today... at SEARS. I mean, SEARS. Say it slowly.
Sssseeeeeeeaaaaaaarrrrrrs. Does that make any fucking sense? Does that jibe
with any realistic understanding of the universe? Of course not. But there they
be, there we were, and here's the bill:
Sah-weet-ass. 13 figures in total for me, plus two lightsabres.
Darth Maul's double-bladed lightsabre was the first Episode I toy I found back
in the day, so it sure was sweet to bust out the Dooku-sabre, which further
clarifies the lightsabre's relationship to the penis: some are straight, some
are curved, and the curved ones are more fun.
Of course, the first figure I bought - and had I not found him,
I would have purchased NONE of them - was Obi-Wan Kenobi, and I bought a second
one to hang on my wall.
The opening was fast and furious - see the video below - and the
result was a lovely plastic musk floating heavily in the air. Paradise!
Truth be told, the figures themselves have a healthy dose of the
Lame. Like the "figures talk now!" COMMTech gimmick of '99, the "Force Action"
gimmick of 2002 (read: weak magnets and metal lightsabres) is about as
wussy-ass as it's possible to get. And as many have noted and complained, the
new figures are very action-posed, which makes them hard to play with, and even
harder to stand up.
But who could possibly care, in light of such lovelies as Baby
Boba, Bearded Obi, Beeping R2 (with Assassin Centipedes!), Dress-Up Threepio,
Uber-Babe Padme, and the crazed Jedi trio of Shaak-Ti, Kit Fisto, and Plo Koon?
Not me, for certain.
To commemorate the event, here's a little retrospective video. It's
in mpeg format, and it'll cost ya 5 megs. And after the Debacle that was the
Bone Daddy trailer, I don't want to hear nuthin' by way of complaints from
ANYONE.
Go forth! Buy toys!
April 10th, 2002
Tederick.com is proud to (finally!) announce the launch of JASPER ONLINE! Literally years of work have
gone into this! Years of back-breaking, soul-consuming work... boy oh boy,
where did my life go? Wait, here's a better question: what am I doing with my
life?!?!
And whilst on the subject of The Simpsons, I am happy to
report that Sideshow Bob was not, in fact, executed after his most recent
Simpsons appearance and will be returning in an episode in Season
Fourteen. Big sigh of relief all around. (I just watched the Cecil episode on
the weekend... bloody brilliant.) (And while we speak of brilliant: the pot
episode? Anyone?)
Looks like spring is finally springing here in the GTA after
weeks of relentless nastiness. Get outside, eat a grapefruit everyone!
April 9th, 2002
Five down, one to go... Lucasfilm is reporting that with barely
over a month until the premiere, Episode II is finished.
...ATTACK OF THE CLONES!!!!
Boy, when Episode III has come and gone I am gonna be one morose
motherfucker.
April 6th, 2002
Couldn't let this week's Survivor shenanigans go by without a
column...
April 5th, 2002
Because Natalie wasn't hot enough already, they went ahead and
made her more hot, and documented the process in the latest video feature from
starwars.com.
April 4th, 2002
ATTACK OF THE CLONES!!! AAAAAAHHH!!!
(These outbursts will be increasing in frequency.)
I know what you're after. You want the sweet, sweet candy. Well
here it is: The latest track from Jessica Fletcher!
Titled "Attack of the Clones," this
haunting medley of themes and ideas explores the true nature of being attacked
by clones. Visit the Jessica Fletcher page
to learn more about the ever-increasing speed with which I am making music my
own personal empire!
April 2nd, 2002
I've said it before and I'll say it again: I spend a
ridiculous amount of my time waiting.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
There's still no official word on the whenabouts of Harry
Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, with pundits placing the release
anywhere between next month and July 2003. I'm betting on October of this year,
and am more than a little irritated that the commercial prospects of the
feature film series seem to be overwhelming the interests of the books.
I'm hoping to get a glimpse of The Two Towers tonight
when I engage in a viewing that I have lovingly dubbed Lotr-Fotr-TTT. It's kind
of a song. Lotr! Fotr! T! T! T!
I've had a look at the second Minority Report trailer and
it certainly holds up; this is gonna be one slick film.
A Quicktime version of the Bone Daddy trailer has been added to
the BD2 Trailer page, for the
pacification of the Macifists. May they all burn in Ruby hell.
