Don't know your name; can't forget your thong
Jan 31 2004 - 10:57 p.m.

And heeeeeeeere's The Triplets of Belleville and Ginger Snaps: Unleashed. Both quite good. I am now in a very queer mood. And damned hungry...

September
Jan 30 2004 - 10:37 p.m.

It's like it's the film festival all over again! I went to see two movies tonight, and I'm going to see two tomorrow! After a month away from the theatres, finally, there's some stuff worth seeing!

First I saw The Company with Mer, which I hadn't even planned to see at all but ended up really enjoying. Then I saw Monster, as will everyone, thanks to the nomination... but that one, I have to give the big "no." She'll still win the award, but I'm now officially putting my straw into the "It should have gone to Keisha Castle-Hughes" camp.

And tomorrow it's The Triplets of Belleville and Ginger Snaps II. My reviewing skills have gone straight to shite since I last wrote, but god, it's good to be back in the seats.

Fun with cookery!
Jan 30 2004 - 1:34 p.m.

I got up to take my lunch break a few minutes ago and started whipping up some pancakes. Realizing that I wasn't accomplishing nearly enough, I decided to make a movie at the same time. The result is Verbose, my latest Unabridged! short and today's addition to the Tederick.com Theatre. Enjoy!

Boy, it's amazing what you can get done in 20 minutes.

Behold Geekdom!
Jan 30 2004 - 10:02 a.m.

Three bits of good news for the nerds, fanboys, and otherwise me-ish people: 1. There's a lovely rumour floating around that says that Rick Berman's going to be out of a job by the end of February. 2. The runtime of the extended Return of the King cut has been confirmed at 4 hours and 10 minutes, and the theatrical cut DVD looks to be streeting a bit earlier than usual, sometime in June. 3. Frank Darabont has finished his script for Indy 4, although the shooting schedule remains up in the air.

On Wednesday I got e-mail from my friend in the Middle East, my friend in Japan, and my friend in California. I feel very worldly. Of course it took me until this morning to get back to the last two, because for whatever reason, January has been mightily kicking of my ass when it comes to time management. It's crazy; I should be far better at this than I am! I used to be so organized... Ms. Brettingham, my Grade 5 teacher, always said so.

The Devil's Screwdriver
Jan 29 2004 - 10:34 p.m.

Sometimes, living alone has strange effects. I got a big red "Final Notice!" card from the local post office today, for a package for which I never received a "First Notice." Today was the last day for pickup, so I bundled myself up at around 4:00 and took the walk down to the P.O. I was listening to the Amelie score on my iPod and was wearing my dopey little Jayne hat and my Harry Potter scarf and I actually started to feel kinda lonely and distanced from everything. And I got to the crosswalk and didn't actually need to use the crosswalk, but I used it anyway, just so I could push the button and make the yellow lights flash and make all the cars - it was rush hour, and a snowy day, so the traffic was thick - stop for me. I lorded my power over them as a way of reasserting myself in a very big world. Then I got to the post office and stood in the line of a half a dozen people and waited and waited and felt entirely tiny and insignificant. I got my package; it's the box for me to re-send my phone to Bell to be fixed, because they didn't fix it the first time, yet mailed it back to me anyway, because they obviously thought I was someone who could be taken advantage of. Now I'm wondering how the pathetic minutiae of daily life could possibly become so large and time-consuming as this, and why it's gone and made me feel small and lonely.

Well, I listened to a couple of 80s tracks from Donnie Darko on the way back, and I felt much better.

And in case you didn't know: Pringles are actually a tool of Beelzebub. That "once you pop, you can't stop" thing ain't a catchy jingle, it's a genuine warning that should be sung by choirs of angels for all to hear. What do they put in these things, crack fucking cocaine? It's patently ridiculous! There's no such thing as eating just 1 Pringle, or even just 6. It's all about eating a whole damned tube of 'em, and then wondering how long it will take you to run from here to the convenience store to buy more.

Went to see a movie today that I'm not allowed to review yet, but will review soon. And I'm looking forward to Ginger Snaps 2 and The Triplets of Belleville this weekend. And of course, there's Survivor on Sunday night... Spliffo.

If I'm not mistaken, in about an hour, I will have taken subculture as far as I possibly can on my own. Which is a big, ugly, nasty, scaaaaaary fuckin' thing. Let's do some e-mailing...

99 Bottles of Blood on the Wall
Jan 28 2004 - 9:59 p.m.

Dividends. Tonight's episode of Angel was all about dividends. It was basically payoff on everything that's happened in the Buffyverse since May of last year - and I loved every freaking second of it. This is what I've been waiting for. This is what's been missing from my life. 44 minutes of unrelenting "Damage." I may watch it again right now.

How good is Tom Lenk? Tom Lenk is freaking brilliant. Of all the performances he's given (with the exception of "Storyteller"), this was the cream of the crop. How good was Navi Rawat as Dana the Crazy Slayer? Give this girl her own show. Let her babble in Chinese for episodes upon episodes. She reminded me so powerfully of River that I wanted to watch the entire canon of Firefly, right now.

But forget all that: How great is James Marsters? Every bit of potential that was wrapped up in his being assigned to the Fang Gang played out in spades tonight. From the anti-buddy pairings with Angel early on (which actually reminded me greatly of Mulder and Scully in their varying approaches to solving the crime, one following his blood and the other following his head) to their note-perfect, and first-ever, heart to heart at the end of the episode... wow. This is exactly what I was hoping it would be like to see Liam and William together again on screen.

If this were the last episode of Angel ever, I'd be completely satisfied. I know where all my peeps are (yay Roman Dawn! Yay Brazilian lesbians!). And for the first time this season, the fates of Team Angel are of more interest to me than those of the Scoobies - because for the first time, they're the ones in the bad. They're the ones with something to prove.

Inhale... Exhale.

Now bring me my Cordelia!!

Snake Mountain
Jan 28 2004 - 2:42 p.m.

I just got my Animated Obi-Wan, completing my set of the first wave of Clone Wars animated figures, and making me a very happy boy indeed. I was actually contemplating taking a trip down to the Snail when I opened my door and found the package waiting - which made me remark, "don't go to the toy store, make the toy store come to you."

And that took me back. Waaaaaaaaaayyyyyy back. Reminded me of something that I had completely forgotten about. So now it's time for another trip into the annals of Matt's life, à la The Gun Stories only without the violence. Sit back and relax, kids, Daddy's telling a story...

My suspicion is that this took place in 1984, making me 7 or 8 years old at the time, depending on what side of my birthday it took place on. In fact, I was probably 7, or it was in 1985 and I was 8, because the first thing that needs to be made clear is that this took place nowhere near my birthday, or Christmas. That means it was probably in the first half of the year, although it didn't occur near Adam and Caitlin's birthday, either. There was no significant date attached to this event, at all. "This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am about to relate."

On this day when I was 8 or 9 - or more accurately, on this evening, my family sat down for dinner as usual, but with an exciting pre-dinner pronouncement: my father told us that after dinner, we would go to the toy store. Now, my parents were good to us when we were kids and we would go to K-mart or the Bay or even Toy City every once in a while just for the sake of doing it. (It's a practice I maintain to this day.) So there wasn't anything gigantically unusual about going to the toy store that night; maybe I could get a new Star Wars figure (the line was just dying out at that point) or G.I. Joe figure (whose line was just starting up). It would be a $4-and-under affair, certainly.

After dinner, instead of taking us out to the car, my parents brought us up to their bedroom. One of us must have petulently remarked, "I thought we were going to the toy store!" because my father's next sentence was what brought me back to this memory in the first place: "we decided to bring the toy store to us tonight."

And from behind their bed, my parents brought out not a couple of action figures, but two Cabbage Patch Kids for Adam and Caitlin. This was right around the beginning of the Cabbage Patch craze, and it's entirely possible that my parents had been among the masses who had actually failed to acquire CPK's for Adam and Caitlin upon their initial release.

I didn't get a Cabbage Patch Kid. I got this:

Snake fuckin' Mountain, baby. Who wants some runty-ass plastic baby when you can have Snake Mountain?! In fact, of the many up-price toys I would get throughout my childhood, S.M. falls second only to the U.S.S. Flagg itself for the most amazing toy I ever received. I desperately wish I still had it. I must have put a thousand hours into this thing. The wolf-head thing on the top left is actually a microphone that distorts your voice into the Spooky Snake Mountain Voice, and the rope bridge that Cyclops is standing on is, of course, a booby trap. There were ladders all over the place, a trap door where Skeletor is standing at the top left, the big crazy snake thing... and the scary face on the left side had a moving mouth.

I think that was it. Not exactly loaded with features, I suppose, but I cannot tell you how much I loved this thing.

The reason I tell you this story is that it baffles and delights me to this day. My parents, generous though they were, were not in the habit of buying us gigantic gifts without reason. All three of these presents were strictly Christmas or birthday -level gifts. They were expensive. They were heavy hitters. They were the sort of thing that kids in our neighbourhood got once a year, if that. And they were given to us completely without reason of any kind, other than that our parents loved us.

In my adult life, I have, of course, tried to get to the bottom of this and find out if there was some big conspiracy going on behind the scenes at the Brown household, that might have lead to such an elaborate bestowing of gifts. But no. My parents can put no additional purpose to this event, other than the one described above. They just wanted to get us something great, because they loved us.

Now, the moral of the story: folks, do stuff like this whenever you can. Be random. Be unpredictable. Give unexpected presents to kids who will never understand why. Not because kids are greedy and like toys, but because the psychological effects of keeping them off-balance like this are simply too valuable to ignore. I have literally puzzled over this event my whole life. It's one of the most significant things that happened to me in my childhood. And it's lead nicely to my ongoing policy that when you want to give someone something you think they'd like, you don't wait for a birthday.

Beetlejuice
Jan 28 2004 - 1:32 p.m.

Hey, I just realized that I haven't put a picture of an actual, honest-to-god gurl at the top of the Column of Doom since that nipply Natalie shot last year. It's been Spike/Spike/Spike/Spike/Spike and now Andrew. I just wanted to assure everyone that I'm not turning into a... a... you know.

Not that there's anything wrong with that... Angel fans are all well and good, I'll just never love the show as much as I loved Buffy. It's not a choice, it's genetic.

Also, I don't think I've seen a new movie in theatres since a month ago today. That's very unusual... but then again everything sssssssuccckkkks right now. What am I going to go see? The Butterfly Effect? I saw that episode of Star Trek in 1988. Thank goodness Ginger Snaps 2's coming out this week, or I might have to sign away my film geek status and start reading more books. Although I do, of course, remain leery...

Snow blanket
Jan 27 2004 - 11:11 p.m.

I don't know what's up, but I have been going to bed earlier and earlier these days. Before midnight almost exclusively, and I sleep soundly all the way until 8:30 or 9:00. And I'm sleeping well. Really deep, satisfying sleep. I think it's the weather. I just go down the big dark hole and come out wrapped in layers and layers of blankets and feeling all right with the world.

Today Jason and I ventured forth through the Big Freakin' Blizzard, to sit shiva with Matthew and his family. I actually had to look up the spelling of "shiva" just now because I wanted to spell it all Hindu and whatnot. But it was a fabulous way to spend a day like this - in a nice warm home, with plenty of good food, and good company.

I bought Whale Rider as promised, and Easy Rider cuz hey, why not? And I ordered 8½, because I'm on DVD #298.

Oh, the cleverness of me
Jan 27 2004 - 12:50 p.m.

I suppose the only Oscar downside would be that Scarlett Johansen didn't get nominated at all. Which is a rather obvious gap in Translation's otherwise stellar showing. But otherwise I am satisfied. If not quite as hyper as I was three hours ago.

I hate working for free! But I found the world's most obnoxious image of a column for a legal web site we're doing up gratis, and that makes me feel good about myself. I am the Public Domain Image Finding Man. I scour the internet for things I can either use freely, or steal without consequence. I resemble an internetty Young Indiana Jones. Young Internetty Jones? Something like that.

And a bit of tough slogging last night makes me think that I've solved the problems in the first act of subculture. Well, maybe not solved per se, but severely ameliorated. Which is good.

I have earned a 15-minute geek-out break. I shall lie on my couch and read a Star Wars magazine.

DRINK UP ME HEARTIES YO-FUCKIN'-HO!!!
Jan 27 2004 - 9:25 a.m.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT: JOHNNY DEPP GOT A BEST ACTOR NOMINATION FOR PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN!!!!

I say again: JACK SPARROW HAS BEEN NOMINATED FOR A FUCKING OSCAR!!!

This is now officially the best day ever. Also the day with the most boldface text. I think I woke up the neighbourhood with my booming "WHAT?!!!" just now.

Other brill surprise: Keisha Castle-Hughes for best actress. I'm buying Whale Rider today to celebrate that. Everything else was as expected. GO PETE GO! Yay Lord of the Rings!!

Core persona
Jan 26 2004 - 9:41 p.m.

I am definitely one of those guys. Cuz all I want to do is talk about the weather.

Snow. Lots and lots of snow. Snow beyond snow. Snow that brings new meaning to the word "snow." And then some more snow.

I stayed inside all day but then made the mistake of going to my parents' for dinner. I should have worn my ski goggles. That isn't a joke: I really should have. I couldn't see when walking from my apartment to the subway. This proved dangerous when a heavyset asian woman barrelled right into me. I'm convinced she couldn't see either because she actually had her scarf wrapped around her entire head, mummy-style.

Then in our lovely TTC system, I let a train go by without boarding it cuz it was just too damned full. Then when the next train arrived, the people on the platform who had seen me graciously let a train go by without boarding it cuz it was too damned full, all crowded into this new train and then wouldn't let me on. It was like they were saying, "no, we know you're cool with not getting on this train so we're just going to abuse you." This was when I became rather pissy with a trio of pubescent fuckwads who were having the beginnings of a threesome right there in the subway car, and blocking the doors while doing it. But that made me feel better.

Gonna put on Harry Potter and putter around my apartment. The Potter/putter always makes me feel good when there's a blizzard outside.

See, this, to me, was a scintillating blog entry. Yet all I'm doing is talking about the dopey-ass weather. I'm one of those guys.

Silly rabbit
Jan 26 2004 - 3:50 p.m.

I just got junk mail from the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad. So, apparently, while the flow of junk mail has not slowed, the coolness has at least improved. How did I get on the DiVAS mailing list, though?

Re-bliz
Jan 26 2004 - 9:24 a.m.

Yep, it's winter all right. Toronto is alternating between astonishingly cold (like, -20° cold) and those nice, warmer days, when it's a complete and utter whiteout outside. Those days - like this morning - when you open the blinds and think the window's been covered with about a 2+ diffusion (tough frost, natch)... and then you realize that that's just the undulating curtain of endless snow.

Well fine.

It turns out that I'm going to be buying Willow the White after all... as Chad cackles maniacally somewhere in the distance... because I can't not have the scythe. I'm trying to be philosophical about it; I can have a fairly excellent Glinda/Elphaba diorama going on, starring our own Ms. Hannigan.

Still, it would not have killed me to win the lottery.

Here we go...
Jan 25 2004 - 10:55 p.m.

I hate the Golden Globes; I think they're fairly useless. I completely forgot that they were tonight... but hey, Return of the King won Drama and Director, and Lost in Translation got Comedy, so someone's doing something right. Oscar noms are when....? This year we're unstoppable, baby!

(counter jinx)

(counter jinx)

Oh, SHIT yeah
Jan 25 2004 - 11:37 a.m.

YESSSSSSS. And yes, and yes, and yes.

Off to Dave & Busters, to look fo' information...

Someone explain this to me... preferably someone Jewish
Jan 24 2004 - 4:19 p.m.

My grey hooded sweatshirt still smells like the latkes I had at Matthew's, like, a month and a half ago. I've washed it three times since then. Does this fragrant oily odour ever go away?

My computer's in the midst of being subborned by Brandysplice for a day's worth of Mosquito Minute editing.... but I just had to post that. I'll blog everything else later.

Wait a minute... there wasn't anything else...

Initiated
Jan 24 2004 - 9:27 a.m.

Two words: Unleashed Bossk. Yeaaaaaaaaaaah.

My apartment suffered a power failure this morning but even in spite of that, I woke up exactly when my alarm would have gone off. What's up with that? Do I have robo-powers?

Bloggity blog blog
Jan 23 2004 - 3:09 p.m.

And for even more Bone Daddy debriefing, check out Jason's response to his work on the film and the score, which unfortunately doesn't have a bookmark link but should still be right at the top of his blog as of right now. I will relate only one connected anecdote, regarding how Jason and Blair talked me into putting the "Bonedaddybonedaddybonedaddy" back into the opening track after I'd ordered it cut out: they didn't have to. I was humming the music in the shower a few weeks after making the decision to remove it, and realized that every time I did it, I was adding the deleted vocals. Anticipating my needs before I even have them! That's good scorin'.

Perfection, thy name is Steve-Bex
Jan 23 2004 - 10:59 a.m.

"Enough gassing about other peoples' blogs!" you might say. But this must be recorded for all time, for no human has ever described anything I've done better than Steve calling my appearances in Bone Daddy 2 "whack-a-mole like." Check out his entire response to the film here, and his review of the soundtrack CD here.

At some point I'll have to stop calling him Steve-Bex and just call him Steve. But I'm having too much fun in the meantime...

Last night's dream prompts me to wonder what three items I would save from my apartment in the event of a global Waterworld-style flood. Zam and Tederick, obviously, but what's number 3? Everything else - the toys, the DVDs, the iPod - can be replaced, except for the loser in the Sophie's Choice-like decision between Frederick and Jederick. Or I could abandon them both and grab the big box o' my movies on Mini-DV... but somehow I feel like I wouldn't think of that. What does that say?

Of course Wood would!
Jan 22 2004 - 8:36 p.m.

Behold, the greatest event in the history of blogging: the launch of the blog o' Bex!! Yay Bex! Best - blog - evahhhhh!

I can now officially launch a new sidebar on Tederick.com: my friends' blogs. People who use LiveJournal or the like get to have their little community right there on their menu bars; we indies should have the same privelege!

I can think of at least three people who should be blogging but aren't. If they were, they could be in my sidebar. But they aren't. So they can't.

Other notes, literally: I didn't like Shrek, but man, "Escape from the Dragon" is just about the kickingest soundtrack track of all fucking time. That shit is all right.

Great snapshot of Keisha Castle-Hughes as the new Queen of Naboo on the Star Wars site...

And: I think I seriously misjudged "Sleeper." That's a hell of a Buffy, one hell of a Buffy indeed. I've been listening to Radio Sunnydale almost nonstop since Monday, which is what put it in mind. I'd watch it tonight, if I hadn't already squandred my three spare minutes writing this for you fine people!

Gigolo Joe
Jan 22 2004 - 5:35 p.m.

The other major piece of news from my week that I haven't blogged yet would be Monday's snowboarding trip, which rapidly turned serious when Mer took a bad fall late in the day and broke her arm. We got her home the same night, thank goodness, and she's recovering, but it was damned scary shit for everyone. You never want to see one of your friends go down, not for anything, not ever. This was seriously unhappy times.

Blue Mountain was virtually deserted on Monday, thanks to some heavy ongoing snow, so we had the run of the place, which worked out just fine for me. I spent the first several hours on my own, just working my way from north to south and back again. Tried a new run, Dr. Doug, which I really enjoyed quite a bit. Then after a quick snack break, we all took to the hills together and had one perfect run down the aforementioned Dr. Doug - there was literally nobody else on the hill, the sun had just set, it was snowing, and if we'd had a decent helicopter-mounted camera, the five of us would have been just about the slickest-looking thing you could imagine.

We went for another round, and that was when the accident struck. So first it was the tricky business of getting our injured friend off the mountain with help from the medical team at B.M., and then it was an evening in the Collingwood E.R., which I only remember by its programming: I actually watched an episode of Everwood (shiver).

Mer's volunteered her gnarly x-rays as Tederick.com fodder when she gets back from a stay at her mother's place. I've seen them, and they're awesome. But cool pictures aside, I'm sure everyone will join me in a gigantic chorus of "get well soon" for Mer, who, as regular T.C readers know, is just about my favourite person ever.

Twisted
Jan 22 2004 - 1:11 p.m.

I have now firmly established that my cat is one of those icky, icky creatures who will vomit, and then... clean it up herself, if you know what I'm saying. I suppose it beats scrubbing carpets, but... I kinda have to leave the room while she's doing it.

Is it my imagination, or has my life become unaccountably hectic in the past five days? I'm trying to get back to basics; I'm revising subculture, but I'm not finding a lot for me to do. Not in the "it's perfect" sense, but more in the "I don't know what I'm doing any more" sense. So I guess this little pup's gotta get herself to the story editors right quick. And I haven't even started editing The Runner yet... although with any luck, I'll find a few minutes to digitize the footage today. I've got two weeks to get it all done.... plenty of time.

As of right now, the download of the Angel episode I missed will take approximately 104 hours. Which should bring it onto my computer just in time for Space to re-air the episode on Monday night.

Sigh. I feel like butter scraped over too much bread....

Die bastards die
Jan 22 2004 - 12:07 a.m.

Guess what? My cable cut out, 14 minutes into Angel. Sons of bitches. I think it was more than just me being affected, cuz I couldn't get Rogers on the phone and Jason's cable was out too. Fuck. Now I gotta hit Kazaa and see what she can give me.

I ended up watching The Untouchables instead, and was once again reminded that while it will never rank as one of my favourite movies, that sucker laid some serious pipe in my common word usage. "Dago bastard," "You're nothin' but a lot of talk and a badge," that crazy thing the gangster yells when he tries to blow Costner away that sounds like "eh sufachi," and of course "Okay pal, why the mohaska?" Think I'm exaggerating? Try Googling that last phrase.

The three minute frame of mind
Jan 21 2004 - 10:43 a.m.

I don't post about dating on this web site because a) tacky, b) none 'a yer bizness, and c) I don't wanna come off like whinywhinybitch. But this is a special occasion, so here goes:

Mark and I went speed dating last night. It was awesome. This is the gig where an organization (in this case 25dates.com) signs up a whole bunch of guys and girls and gets them together at some trendy downtown Toronto hotspot, and then runs them through an incredibly rapid series of 3-minute dates until everybody's met everybody. Then you decide who you liked, who you didn't like, and submit your results to the agency; they match up the cards, and if anyone you picked liked you back, they put you in touch with each other via e-mail. It's the ultimate double blind system cuz if the whole night goes stinko, you just put "no" for everyone and go home.

The reason I'm writing about this is because it was like having my first experience on a reality TV show. A gigantic science experiment crossed with a grown-up version of musical chairs. It was just... neat! Mark and I arrived at this place and it was like the ultimate nightmare reality of what we thought it would be like - a yuppie bar, a lot of yuppie-looking people. Mark and I are a lot of things but we are not yuppies. But once the first train whistle sounded (I kid you not), it was all good. It's a hell of a lot of fun just for the breathless insanity of it all, and a tremendous skills-builder in terms of how to get to the good shit in a conversation very rapidly, while skipping all the awkwardness and nonsuch.

Good skills/attributes to have when speed dating:

• Improv comedy comes in incredibly handy. I think I hit about as often as I missed last night, but when I hit, I hit big.
• Stamina. Holy cats this shit is tiring. For the first two-thirds of the process I was opening with "Are you having fun?" but at the beginning of the final third, I just switched to "How are you holding up?" Especially given that the guys rotate from table to table while the girls sit there waiting to be impressed, this takes a lot of energy.
• Honesty and open-mindedness. You've only got three minutes and nothing really matters anyway, so you've gotta be willing to get straight to what's on your mind, and ask the stuff you want to know about. And that's an endlessly important skill to have in life anyway, so it was good to stretch those muscles here.
• Focus and concentration, because "the blur factor" becomes a big fucking problem. You have a note sheet, and I wrote notes as much as I could, but the time liimits make that difficult and my handwriting makes later contemplation damn near impossible.

Yeah. Pretty cool, nowhere near as scary as it seemed. People are always after me to try cyber-dating, but the few times I've given that a go, I've just found it tremendously off-putting. Turns out that face-to-face negotiation was what I was after all along.

When Mark and I went in there, we were scared out of our nut. When we came out, we were almost too aggressive - everyone we passed on the street or saw on the subway, we were checking out, sizing up, figuring out angles. We're calling it "the three-minute frame of mind," and it's a good one to have.

Oh, and: if nothing else, last night was the ultimate pitchmaking workshop for my film. I told about 15 people about my plans for 2004, and then had to tell them all the quick one-liner for subculture. It turns out that "it's a 20something 'life happens' movie, but with demons" works the best, but it can be shorthanded to "Clerks with demons" for the initiated. Neither of those are what I'd call 100% accurate, and they both leave out the principal plot device, but... my point is, practice is good.

Bone Daddy and everything after
Jan 20 2004 - 11:36 p.m.

Let's go:

On Sunday night we premiered Bone Daddy and the Fourth Reich in front of an appreciative crowd of about a hundred people, at Innis Town Hall, effectively bringing to a close a long and complicated production, and a significant chapter in my life. And it was awesome. I had a great time, and I think the audience did too. But as usual, I've got a lot to say, about the screening, the movie, and blaxploitation in general, so get in good and tight. Get a mug of something.

I prefaced the film on Sunday night with something along these lines, but I'll repeat it here: I don't personally know how this particular movie became of such great interest to so many people. That's not a bad thing, and I'm intensely gratified and glad that everyone came out and had such a good time. It's been a tricky experience for me, which I'll get into further below, but the good news is that I think the screening went very well. As with the first Bone Daddy flick, there was a lot of stuff in the film that the audience just wasn't into, or just plain didn't get - after all, these films weren't really designed for a mass audience. They're just me and my friends doing gags, like we always have. A lot of the material is "too inside," and the rest can be pretty shocking, taken all at once... too uncomfortable to laugh at right away, anyway. It's hard to bring someone into Bone Daddy who hasn't been there before or isn't in the right frame of mind; fortunately, I think I can finally say that I've made a film that deserves to be seen several times. The more you see it and think about it, the more you get the vibe, and the more you enjoy the film.

This isn't to say that the reaction to the film wasn't good; in fact, in a lot of places it was great. My favourite shot in the film has always been the shot of Ogotongo being chased across the rooftops by Bone Daddy... and to my overwhelming glee, the crowd seemed to agree, going nuts with the cheering and the clapping and the burrrrrrrrrrrning.. glavin.... Yeah. That's what it's all about. I was also surprised and pleased that the arrival of Toht/Dietrich got such a big response, the kind of response I've been waiting for since I was 14. I've now played the character in four films, but it's been a decade since the last one, so it was great to bring the character back on such a high note.

The biggest props of the night go to Bex, Jess and Tama, who raided Value Village on Sunday afternoon and showed up for the screening in period-appropriate funkwear. (And let's face it, being escorted to your after-party by three beautiful 18-year-olds ain't ever gonna be a bad thing.) I mean it when I say that the screening was absolutely, honestly, 100% not about me at all: the only reason I wanted to rent Innis and have a big night was for all of my amazing cast and crew and friends, who have become so excited about Bone Daddy over the past three years. So, to all of the above, I thank you and love you, and hope the evening lived up to your expectations.

I'm not nearly so conflicted about Bone Daddy as I may sound here. I love Bone Daddy. It just gets tricky when so much attention gets focused on it, because I feel like I oughta clarify a few points regarding the way these particular films are. So prepare for the Whine of the Artist, and if this sort of thing isn't your deal, be elsewhere. I won't mind.

There are the films that I make which, regardless of scale, are my own personal work - Growth and Sensitivity and even Burn, lately - and then there are the Bone Daddy movies. Now, I came up with the Bone Daddy movies. I wrote them, I shot them, I nitpicked over every single detail with the same zealous abandon that I apply to all my films. But they never really feel like mine, because they're not of a piece with the rest of the stuff that I do.

I don't particularly mind about that, because I love making these movies and working with everyone involved. But when all the interest gets built up, I get worried, just because this isn't really the kind of cinema I want to practice... or usually do practice, for that matter! The number of times I've been introduced at parties as "This is Matt, he makes blaxploitation movies with all-white casts" in the past three years is patently ludicrous. Pigeonholed already?! I haven't sold out yet, have I???

And the only reason I even have to reiterate this point, is that by its very nature, Bone Daddy is something that can get the hell misunderstood out of it by a lot of people. It's reasonably risky stuff, as these things go, and in a world that seems to be only becoming more paranoid, more stifling, more unwilling to entertain reasonable dialogue, it's not a cross I particularly want to get nailed to.

I've always got people coming up to me trying to connect all kinds of meaning to Bone Daddy that it simply doesn't have. The only meaning Bone Daddy is truly meant to have is that it's supposed to be funny. Beyond that, the only thing we're actually making fun of is stereotypes... not people, or race, or behaviour, or even the blaxploitation genre; just the stereotypes themselves. And that's endlessly fun and interesting, to us anyway, but again by its very nature, prone to misunderstanding.

Well anyways. I'm sorry if this was pedantic, plodding, or uninteresting. I needed to get it off my chest just this once so that I can go back to enjoying my movie as I always have done, and more importantly, move on to other movies that I don't have to write explanations for.

The DVD of BD2 is going to be great, we're already working on it. Here are some specs:

• Original theatrical cut of the film cuz special editions suck, presented in beautiful anamorphic 16x9
• Audio commentary by me and Mark
• Audio commentary by me and Adam Storm, who hasn't seen the film yet and will be watching it for the first time during the commentary
• Audio commentary by Jason, possibly with guests
• "Irwin Sinclair" deleted scene with commentary by Erik
• "Jason's dad's dog" deleted scene with commentary by Jason's dad
• "Bitch Won't Let My Bone Alone" expanded three-verse cut
• "Bitch Won't Let My Bone Alone" music video
• "The End of IBP" segment showcasing the complete take of the final shot filmed for the movie, which featured Infinitely Brown originals Matt, Mark and Adam onscreen together for the very last time
• All four trailers and all five TV ads

And of course, if any of you didn't get a copy of the official soundtrack at the show, let Jason or I know and we'll be happy to hook you up. I have music from one of my own movies in my iPod. Do you understand how freaking cool that is?!

Okay. To round out the Bone Daddy week, I've posted Trailer D for the film in the Tederick.com Theatre. This, for my money, is the best trailer I ever cut for the flick... and I cut nine. It's got a few spoilers, which is why it was only publically exhibited once - at the Sweetener screening. It's been under wraps since then. Enjoy!

So. Now I'm only two days behind in my blogweek. Feeling better, but there's a long way to go from here....

It's driving you all completely insane, isn't it?
Jan 20 2004 - 2:06 p.m.

A lot of people are always asking me when I have the time for Tederick.com. Today, the answer is: I don't. But I've got a lot to say about Sunday, and so much shit going on that all the various stresses are cancelling each other out, so I'll be back to blog as soon as I can!

Would Wood?
Jan 18 2004 - 4:55 p.m.

When I was watching the Two Towers special features on the DVD, I came to be aware of something. I suppose it had occured to me when I watched the Fellowship features, too, but I didn't put it into words until this past November: Elijah Wood is a blithe spirit. It seems like no matter what he's doing, he's having the time of his life. Elijah Wood always has a smile on his face. He always seems to be feeling every moment as deeply as it can be. His eyes are always wide open. He is prone to react to any event, expected or not, with a laugh of surprise. Elijah Wood tells jokes and hangs around with his friends and feels blessed for everything that has come to him, and proud of everything he has brought to himself. Elijah Wood is good with the world. He appreciates it. Elijah Wood is a blithe spirit. I would like to be one too.

There's good Canadian television now?
Jan 17 2004 - 6:12 p.m.

Hey, y'know what? I just watched the season premiere of The Newsroom and the series premiere of This is Wonderland... and they were both awesome. I've liked The Newsroom since the Fuckumentary days but Wonderland (or Ally McCanuck as I like to call it) really surprised me... it's like E.R. at Queen & Peter right here in T.O. If I knew directing Canadian episodic could be this much fun, I would never have set my sights on Hollywood. Well... maybe not as quickly. I feel kinda... proud? Of Canada?

Then there's America. So they're going to Mars, huh? I like to call the program the "Meanwhile, on Mars" Project out of deference to the Bush administration's painfully transparent "quick, create a distraction!" motivations. I'm trying to get excited about the whole thing - the 12-year-old in me can't help but think it's pretty cool - without worrying about what Tricky George is going to be doing with his left hand while he's frantically waving his right hand in our faces.

Back at yoga this morning for the first time since early December... and my body went, "Zuh?!" Yeah, snowboarding on Monday's gonna be reeeeeeeeaaaal fun.

We have a new enemy
Jan 16 2004 - 10:44 a.m.

Fuckin' right, the Van Helsing trailer is pretty damned slick. Of course I go in for this sort of thing, but yeah, it's still the #3 movie I'm looking most forward to this year. Sweet!

Yep, I'm back, Jason's Win2K install went off largely without a hitch and now I have iTunes functioning on my newly dual-boot machine. That's the good news. The bad news is that now I have to update the tags on all of my loose MP3s... which I foolishly spent three hours on last night when I could have been watching E.R. or The Apprentice or even Wednesday's Angel. (See how TV watching rapidly becomes a chore?) And I'm only half done. Well, it's minus 23 today so I can't see any good reason to leave the house... so I guess that's what I'll do.

And here's another thing: my place is a (relative) mess. There's shit everywhere, and I'll tell you exactly why: it's because I shot a movie on Wednesday. This always happens. Now, the complete equipment package, including props, for that movie was:

• Camera bag containing camera and all camera-related accessories
• Tripod
• Single board game box containing all props
• Script

And yet, my apartment is overrun with crap. It's like some kind of Transylvanian curse, to continue on the theme.

Return of the King moment of appreciation of the day: King Theoden rousing the Rohirrim before the charge on the Pelennor, particularly the quick bit of him riding along the ranks, knocking his sword against their spears. That shit is allllllllllllll good. And further proof that the ultra-extendo-everything CD of Lord of the Rings music can't come soon enough.

Final bit of good news: Jason has generously offered to continue hosting Tederick.com after my tenure with the company ends in June... so we ain't going anywhere for a while. Thanks Jason!

Off to my shower, the only place in my apartment that could actually be considered warm. (Also the only place where I get to vigorously rub my nude body without fear of frostbite reprisal.)

The White City
Jan 15 2004 - 2:55 p.m.

Well, this might be my last posting in a very long while cuz Jason's coming over to install Win2K on my machine and god knows these things never exactly go off without a hitch.... so let's make it a good one:

IT'S FUCKING FREEZING. It's going down to the mid minus thirties tonight - and you can already feel it. It's hitting you so hard it hurts. Thank goodness I have my new knitted hat, in which I look very cute. Or so the waitress told me.

In spite of the cold, the news is all good. First of all, All Time Hero of My Life Meredith Dault got me three of the Clone Wars animated figures when she was in Florida last week - and they're so great, I'm completely at a loss for what I should do with them. I just stare at them in their loveliness, giggling incessantly. Thanks Mer! She and I also spent some time talking about One Minute Film Festival 2... and it sounds like it's definitely going to be a big year. I'm getting excited. And I think I may finally have started to come up with a concept for what I might actually do.

Along those lines, two of my one-minute films are off on their way to festivals today... I'm sending Sensitivity to Rooftop Films and Growth is winging its way towards the Worldwide Short Film Festival. I'm also considering the latter for Bone Daddy just to stick it up their CFC craw.... although there's some question in my mind as to whether I want that one to get out on its own. It's like the runty teenager in the family who likes to set fire to the drapes.

I should have ordered the Peter Pan soundtrack from Amazon weeks ago, cuz it showed up in 24 hours flat. That's my kind of service. Sure it cost a fortune, but good service always does (I swear I've never been to Shanghai). So I'm not going anywhere until I'm all the way through the disk. I've been waiting far too long.

It's high time I linked to the blog of Steve-Bex, which keeps pace with my own for content and writing style. I'm quite fond of it. Enjoy! I'd say I'm about two blogs away from actually needing a "blogs of my friends" section in the column on the left.

The big gigantic snowboarding weekend has been booked for the end of February... but I'm going sooner, multiple times if possible, cuz goddamn if there's one thing this weather makes me want to do, it's spend entire days outside covered in snow!

And finally, the biggest news of the day. I dropped off Bone Daddy 2 at the theatre today. It's all sewn up, out of my hands; there's nothing more I can do about it. The process is officially, finally done. Appropriately enough, I had to make my way to the theatre in the midst of today's nasty weather; the wind was shrieking down Bloor so hard I could barely see straight, and on my iPod, the music from Frodo's final confrontation with Gollum in Mount Doom came up. I mean, that was just freaking perfect. I soldiered on in spite of the excruciating pain, and dropped my own Ring in its proverbial fire. Yay for the end of Bone Daddy! On to bigger and better things!

She had flowers in her hair
Jan 15 2004 - 10:25 a.m.

The rumours of Episodes 7, 8 & 9 just don't want to die. Now Peter Mayhew (Chewie) says he's already been contracted for them in addition to his contract for Episode III. Me? I don't think I can stand going through another decade of Star Wars, especially not with having to withstand endless jackasses bitching to me about how they don't like the new films. I might have to become a monk. It's the sort of thing I'm already contemplating for the release of E3: I mean really, do I actually want to be in this world that summer, listening to all the same crap renewed for the third fucking time? I'll go to Tibet and shave my head bald.

I had an exceptionally complex dream that involved a friend of mine dying in the desert, while the rest of the world went on, unaware of her sacrifice. It was gigantic and epic and it was about everything. Life the universe and everything. It even had better Kill Bill action figures than the real Kill Bill action figures. If it made any sense in the daylight, it would make a hell of a movie, the next Lawrence of Arabia. As it is, I think I'd better just drink my tea and daydream about the Sahara.

Then there's this. Yeah. I'm still strangely overprotective of Michelle and tend to think of her as cute little Dawnie from Season Five... the one who whined a lot and needed plenty of rescuing. Now... I don't know what to think. Somewhat icky. Yet I can't look away...

You can't get here from there
Jan 15 2004 - 12:50 a.m.

At some point in the drive home from Hamilton today, Jason tried to convince me that you could get anywhere in the world by driving north, provided you went far enough. Even Windsor, he said. I said that it wasn't true, because north and south are actually quantifiably finite vectors, rather than universal absolutes, so in your "northward" journey to Windsor you would in fact spend more time going south than you would going north. Then Jason tried to convince me that this was not true, and that you would actually spend more time going north than south.

And then I was forcibly reminded of a drive home from Ottawa with Mike Greenspan, where we were suddenly taken by concern over how, in Jurassic Park, the Tyrannosaur paddock could be level jungle turf one minute, and a gigantic honking concrete pit the next.

My point is, when you're stuck in a fucking car for a really, really long period of time, your mind goes to places not worth exploring.

Ugh. So Jason and I had this very important meeting in Hamilton today. The good news is, it went very well. The bad news is, Southern Ontario was hit by a massive fucking blizzard today, and it took us an hour and a half to get there... and three and a half to get back. Three and a half hours on the QEW in a blinding snowstorm, travelling at between 10 and 30 kilometres per hour. Ugh and double Ugh.

It was quite picturesque in its own way and I certainly don't have a problem with the long drives, but the shoot for Burn Obstructed was scheduled for tonight and I didn't want to reschedule. Not the best stamina level to be entering a five hour film shoot, but the good news is that the shoot went quite well and Chandra, Matthew and Courtney were excellent players. I think I made a few mistakes stylistically, but I've got the coverage I need and it should cut together fairly quickly.

But once again, the Obstructicron documentary is going to be the real showstopper here. I think the making of this project is gonna be quite a treat. And the doc's got a decent shot at being the longest movie I've ever made - it has to beat Stanley's Life at 47 minutes, which could actually happen.

Here's the funny: I really wish I'd had my iPod today. I'm in genuine iPod withdrawal. I haven't used it in a few days, and I can actually feel it. What kind of cocaine do they lace this white plastic with anyway? It's ridiculous. Well, if you ever wanted to know what I looked like at the moment I received this bundle of joy, wait no longer:

See?

Witch's teat
Jan 14 2004 - 12:13 a.m.

Don't adjust your sets - it's actually -20° in Toronto tonight, making a lovely -27° with that omnipresent wind chill. Good lord in heaven. Fortunately I have a nifty new green knitted hat from my cousins' grandmother, which I haven't taken off since I received it five hours ago. It's the perfect winter accessory.

To my new American friends Andy and Sandy, I have to insist somewhat lamely that it isn't actually usually this cold in Toronto. I hate it when Canada lives up to its American stereotypes. Honestly, this is really, really cold for us. We like it warmer.

And to my friends Alix and Charlon, who are going through some difficult days, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

The only good thing about cold this cold is that it turns the sound off on the world for a little while, like the whole city is holding its breath. And with the noise gone, you notice that everything has that frosted candy coating, and the stars sparkle, not just above, but everywhere, all around.

Jesus H. Christ on a Burning Popsicle Stick
Jan 13 2004 - 5:38 p.m.

If there wasn't Bex in this world, I think I'd go absolutely bugshagging crazy. Bex n' Harry Potter. Indispensable stress-killers!

Wow
Jan 13 2004 - 10:20 a.m.

My quest for the Peter Pan soundtrack yielded the best result ever today short of actually finding a fucking store that has the disk: I called one of the Sunrise locations and the girl that answered turned to her colleague and said, "Do we have the soundtrack for the new Peter Pan movie? You know, the one with Emmanuel Lewis as Peter Pan?"

Remember that?!

Actually, I guess it was going to be Michael Jackson as Peter Pan with Emmanuel Lewis as Tinkerbell, but fuckin'-A, that took me back.

Ah, the 80s. Will they never end?

All right, Amazon, you get my fucking money. And I'll give you an extra thirty bucks if you can get me the disk by the end of the week cuz I've fucking had it with this shit!!!

(Ah, thwarted commerce. Like a woman scorned.)

Went to school and I was very nervous
Jan 12 2004 - 4:37 p.m.

Cleared out a whole 80-gig hard drive today. How did I do that? It's easy when you're the (somewhat unfortunately named) Empress of Awesome. Earlier in the day I was in my kitchen making lunch, and the "presentation" of the meal wasn't quite as lovely as I was hoping. I shrugged and said "good thing nothing actually matters." And later, when Prick was engaging in his reliable-as-the-morning-sun 3:00 Monday afternoon shag, I shrugged again and said, "He may be a Prick, but everyone deserves the sexual love." I am almost Buddha.

Happy Little Clouds
Jan 12 2004 - 10:38 a.m.

Yup, I had that moment this morning, where I woke up at 8:00, and had to spend a minute figuring out what day it was. As soon as I realized it was Monday, my face dropped back onto the pillow and I threw the covers over my head.

But it's okay, cuz I'm a virtuous man.

My internal clock, however, has been completely spun by the fact that I missed The Simpsons altogether last night - didn't watch it at 8 cuz of the damned football overtime (I FUCKING HATE AMERICAN FOOTBALL, the reason for all pain), then a power glitch at around 10:45 killed my VCR timer set to tape it at eleven. So I'm pretty much fucked. Can we get a chorus of "D'oh!"?

But it's okay, cuz I'm a virtuous man.

In case you haven't been keeping up with SURVIV.ORg, the All-Star cast was confirmed by TV Guide over the weekend, and the official site is now up. Enjoy. Especially the pic of Rich naked!

Everyone's talking about how Lego came out of '03 with a massive defecit, and may choose to solve this problem by abandoning movie licenses like Harry Potter and Star Wars. Which would pretty much... suck, yeah? How can anyone look at something like Jabba's Palace or the Shrieking Shack and say that Lego shouldn't be doing this stuff?

Yeah. Quizilla fucked me again. Trying to find entertainment for you fine people and learning that the Great Internet Mojo thinks I'm some sort of basket case. Fuckin' Quizilla. Fuckin' mojo.

But it's okay, cuz I'm a virtuous man.

Triple threat
Jan 11 2004 - 10:23 a.m.

I think I've hit on the world's most perfect double feature: Ghost World and Donnie Darko. Just think about that for a minute; let it roll around in your head. GW was the antidote to a rather frenetic day, and then Darko I watched in my apartment's patented freezing coldness while attempting to come down from a Chad's bithday party caffeine high. And let me tell you, those two pictures locked up like Lego blocks. Not because they're about the same thing, but because they're resolute in their insistence that you either see things clearly in this world or you don't, and if you do, you're both a) fucked and b) a little bit more alive than everyone else.

My thinking is that the perfect third part of the triptych would be Ginger Snaps, which I might pop in the DVD player tonight after The Simpsons. This is only a theory, but I think it's a good one. It tends to skew the content towards the insane bloodsport and violence rather than instrospection, but I think that's what any good third part of a trilogy needs. I'll let you know how it goes.

Disney closes its Orlando animation studio on Monday, because Michael Eisner is a big puffy goon. Fortunately, the laid off animators are going bandit, Reynolds style, and forming their own studio to carry on the legacy of Walt Disney. Which leads me back to Donnie Darko, and Daveigh Chase, and therefore Spirited Away. How cool would it be if the Disney animators who have spent their entire careers being told what to do and what to think, could suddenly give themselves the power to make whatever animated film they want? That's worth twelve bucks to see.

Ghosts and sociopaths
Jan 10 2004 - 5:07 p.m.

Well what a day I've had. I missed the first yoga of the new year, which I'm not happy about, because my computer fucked up the creation of a Bone Daddy 2 test DVD and I got so wrapped up in ascertaining that there wasn't actually anything that I could do about it, that I missed the start of the class. Yippee!

But, I finished editing Growth fairly quickly. This is my Mosquito Movie, and I'm happy with it. It's up for viewing in the Tederick.com Theatre. Watch it before you keep reading.

Editing itself only took about an hour; the hard part was all the digital composites, which I spent all of last night doing 100% wrong, before realizing what I should have been doing all along. For some reason I'd got it into my head to key myself into Mark's shot, when obviously the other way around was the easier way to go. At one point my ambitions became so ludicrous that I was actually attempting to overlap my own walk cycle to let myself walk further into the shot, and therefore had to try to conceal the split between the two elements in mid step, going frame by frame in Photoshop. It was like I was doing an animated me. Which, as people who know me will attest, is an oxymoron.

Of course, when I woke up this morning, I realized that that was all insanity and that I should just do it the other way around, with my shot as the plate and Mark's shot as the element, and it only took about an hour. So... yeah. Done and done. The first movie of 2004! Yay!

I am not Malcolm Brown
Jan 9 2004 - 12:32 p.m.

Think you're having a bad day at the office? Check this out:

Phone rings, Matthew Brown answers.

Matt: "Hello?"

Postal Employee: "Hello, is this Mr. Brown?"

Matt: "Yes...?"

Postal Employee: "Hello Mr. Brown, I'm calling from Canada Post. Is this Mr. Malcolm Brown?"

Matt: "No. This is Matthew Brown."

Postal Employee: "Uh... Is this Malcolm Brown?"

Matt: "No. Matthew Brown."

Postal Employee: "Does Malcolm Brown live in the residence?"

Matt: "No. Matthew Brown lives in the residence."

Postal Employee: "Oh."

Matt: "Wait a minute, are you just going through the phone book calling up every M Brown?"

Postal Employee: "Yes.

Awkward pause...

Postal Employee: "Goodbye."

Postal Employee hangs up on Matthew Brown.

The day I make my first million
Jan 9 2004 - 9:50 a.m.

It's official: Kill Bill Vol. 2 has been moved to April 16th, and the DVD release of Vol. 1 to April 13th. Next time, kids, don't doubt the Power of the Matt. Matt sees all, knows all, understands all... especially why QT wants to kill The Punisher.

Who watched The Apprentice? And how mind-bogglingly cute is Ereka? Holy smokes, she can run one of my million-dollar companies any day. Anyways: I don't know why, but I like Bowie to win. Mostly because he pronounces it "Booey." How could Trump not have a guy named Booey running one of his companies?

My 24-hour editing allotment for Growth begins tonight at 6... yet I shall still get a full night's sleep, go to yoga tomorrow, and preview Bone Daddy 2 for Mark and Jason. Because if nothing else, I am a multi-tasker.

Flying
Jan 8 2004 - 7:59 p.m.

I went to see Peter Pan again the other day, kinda nervous that maybe I'd just been high on candy canes the first time and that it wasn't actually as good as I'd thought... well let's heave a big phew, cuz if anything, it's better than I thought it was. This film is brilliant beyond words. Of course, this time, there was no wanker immediately behind me who spent the last fifteen minutes of the movie trying to figure out which character in Harry Potter Jason Isaacs played, but... yeah. The only problem is, I can't find the fucking soundtrack anywhere - it's been out, supposedly, for weeks, but no one has it, or even has a listing for it in their computers. It's not on Kazaa, it's not in the stores, what's a pirate to do? Go to streamingsoundtracks.com, the fucking soundtrack internet radio station!! Jesus, how I didn't know this was out there all this time is quite beyond me. I could spend half my life listening to this show.

Bearshark's getting back on track for the new year. We're making plans... and losing screwdrivers. It's a whole thing. (I literally turned around for two seconds and when I turned back, Jason had lost my screwdriver. Think that matter can be neither created nor destroyed? Come to my living room and find my screwdriver. I dare you.)

I love it when network TV is actually not reruns. I'm going to give The Apprentice a try before witnessing the Return of the Carter on E.R. Thank you, glowing box, for giving my life meaning once again.

Monkey!
Jan 7 2004 - 10:52 a.m.

So as it turns out, there's a little post-credits gag on Pirates of the Caribbean. Now, I saw the film what, five times in theatres? And on at least four of those occasions, I stayed for the entirety of the credits, cuz that's what I do. And I never saw nothin'. So, either this little bit with the monkey was just added for the DVD, or Silver City's been fucking up even more than usual and shutting the film off too early. Either way, yay me, more Pirates to enjoy! It's almost like seeing the first twenty seconds of the sequel.

I don't know why, but I've been on a major early-90s U2 kick the past few days. It's pretty much all I can listen to without feeling nauseous. Which is... odd.

I got my phone back from Bell's groundbreaking Phone Maintenance Plan repairs... and it's just as broken as when it left. Now I get to use it to yell at someone. Fun!

Sex!
Jan 6 2004 - 4:17 p.m.

Now you no longer have any excuse: Look! Little iPods!

To people who say "these come in colours," I say, "yeah, but white is all the colours."

Violence!
Jan 6 2004 - 9:51 a.m.

Of all the quotes I've heard about this much-hyped "final duel" between Obi-Wan and Anakin, none quite have the succinct punch of this one from Natalie:

"It's pretty sick."

Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Eating dog
Jan 5 2004 - 9:29 p.m.

There was a time in my life when I was still on anti-depressants (which were purple, see below) and probably shouldn't have been, and this weird thing happened: the world started to gain a strange purple hue. Like, everything was happy. You know that guy in the Christmas episode of the first season of Felicity who's really calm while everyone else is freaking out about exams? The guy that tells Felicity that she always wears sweaters? I was that guy. God I miss that guy. That guy's almost worth buying the whole first season of Felicity on DVD, just for him. But not quite.

Well anyway. I just realized just now that my blog is starting resemble those halcyon days back in May of 2001. Happy happy happy happy happy happy. Which is gotta be pretty fuckin' annoying, yeah? Nothin' but Harry Potter and toys and pictures of me hobnobbing with

JESUS H. FUCK WHY DO PEOPLE POST SONGS ON KAZAA JUST TO FUCK WITH PEOPLE BY PUTTING STUFF LIKE THE THREE-TONE PHONE NOISE EVERY TEN SECONDS IN THE MIDDLE OF A FUCKING EVANESCENCE SONG? WHAT IS THIS, A FASCIST POLICE STATE?!

Sorry. Where was I? Right. Pictures of me hobnobbing with the Almighty.

....

     ....

          ....Crap. I've completely lost my train of thought. Stupid Evanescence.

(and yet, he posts it anyway)

More toys
Jan 5 2004 - 1:12 p.m.

Got our first glimpse at the new Harry Potter Lego sets today:

The Knight Bus is pretty cool, cuz purple Lego is always cool. And there's a new Hagrid's Hut that makes me glad I didn't buy the old Hagrid's Hut. Unfortunately there's also a new Hogwarts Express that comes with a Dementor... which makes me sad cuz I'll never buy the whole thing just to have one stinkin' Dementor. But whatever. The Shrieking Shack's the only one that gets me really excited, cuz it has a half-wolfed Lupin figure and is otherwise crazy looking. Cool.

Snow troopers
Jan 5 2004 - 12:56 p.m.

I just reenacted Luke and Han's first conversation in Empire in the snowfield outside my window. It was done word-for-word except that my version ended with Han saying "Yeah, all right, whatever." This is how the scene would have ended in the film if Larry Kasdan knew what he was doing.

I've got God on my side
Jan 5 2004 - 11:11 a.m.

See? I toldja.

Truly apalled by how much there is in my to-do list today, I'm going to stay in my pajamas and take occasional breaks to play with my Empire Strikes Back action figures in the snow.

Bending spoons
Jan 4 2004 - 9:18 p.m.

What a weekend I've had. Actually I'm not feeling so hot right now but otherwise, holy crap, this has been a weekend. I felt so awesome last night, I could probably have levitated pencils if I took a notion to. That cold that was coming for me last week, I obviously kicked its ass way the hell down the street, cuz by Saturday morning I was feeling tip-top. And the energy surplus that resulted from that had me hot-footing it all around Toronto for the last 36 hours. Just awesome.

Let's see: I finished the third draft of subculture yesterday. Remember how in yesterday's entry, I said that I loathe it with every fibre of my being? Not any more. I was in the shower, shortly after writing that, and as often happens, I just kind of found what I was looking for. In the shower. The day I get a waterproof laptop installed in there, I will literally be able to take over the world.

So I hopped out of the shower and wrote 8 pages straight off. Then I watched a Bond flick and took a 2 hour walk down to the Silver Snail, because I laugh in the face of efficient time management. Then I came back here so fucking high on everything that I wrote the final 12 pages of the script in less than an hour. Four minutes less, actually. I know this because I was cooking a chicken pot pie at the time.

But because I continue to laugh in the face of efficient time management, I went for another two hour walk after eating my pie and watching some Jamie Oliver, all while letting my computer render DVDs of my 1990-1992 movies. And let me commend my new best friend one last time: get yourself an iPod. Or as I like to put it, "give your life a soundtrack." I cued up Trainspotting, Vols. 1 and 2, and just wandered the paths of my neighbourhood for two hours. It was fabulous. It was nice and warm and balmy last night, too; it felt like spring.

Well, so much for that. I woke up this morning and it was already too cold for my liking; by the time we were shooting the Mosquito Minute Challenge in the afternoon, it was a tad bitter, and now, my apartment is like a meat locker. But the Challenge went well. The five potential themes I suggested were:

• Giants
• Milk
• Women
• Sky
• Decompression

And fortunately, "giants" was picked at random from the 30 available, to be the theme for the project. It was one of the two of mine that I really hoped would be picked; "milk" was the other. But of course, I did no pre-planning for any of my themes, so I was just as far into the woods as everyone else. And this proved to be a problem. Someone - Chris, Mer, maybe both - likened the process to writing an exam, and I stared at my blank sheet of paper for fifteen minutes with my mind on total brainlock before I figured out what I was going to do. No worries; Growth took only about ten minutes to write, and twenty minutes to shoot, with Mark and I in the lead roles, so I got in well under the 90-minute wire. I'll need a good solid day to post-produce it, so I'll have to schedule it sometime between now and Bone Daddy. Cuz why wait?

Yeah. So I'm not feeling particularly great right now, probably a post-too-much-coffee comedown. Which is pissing me off, because after this weekend, I should be feeling like the king of the fucking castle. Got a lot of shit to do tomorrow, too, which I'm not happy about... but then, everything's a process.

Finally, one last "Zowah!" from me - Return of the King has taken the top spot for the third week running, with a domestic tally of $292 million so far. So I guess my idea that it wouldn't make as much as Towers' $330M was a bit... dumb. In Animal-voice: "Saaaaaaaahhhhhhhhreeeeeee." Look out, Nemo, you're not long for this earth...!

Got my mojo workin'
Jan 3 2004 - 12:23 p.m.

Hey, when I get my ass in gear, it really gears. Got the Mosquito Minute challenge happening tomorrow, and I'm working on Burn Obstructed like a fiend, so I went ahead and updated the Tederick Films pages with info about what's going on. Then I couldn't stop myself so I actually updated the Bone Daddy site for the first time since the middle of 2002. And then, because I was really on a roll, I updated FORP.org and finally stuck Mer on there where she belongs. So I'm feeling... pretty good about myself.

Of course, it was all procrastination to avoid tackling the demented final act of subculture, which I currently hate with every fibre of my being. But I did get some work done on Obstructicron, the documentary about my Obstruction that I'm shooting myself. Shooting myself doing stuff, especially with a giant rip in the crotch of my pants, is bloody hilarious.

Ugh. My Winamp just went from the end music from "Amends" to the Sarah McLachlan song from "Becoming, Part 2." Bloody shuffle and its godlike ability to stitch music together in coherent patterns in spite of its supposed randomness. I don't like things that remind me of when Buffy was sad. I just finished Season Five yesterday, and I'm missing her already.

And...
Jan 2 2004 - 12:25 p.m.

"Sooner or later, everybody goes to the zoo." - Sloane Peterson

Now that's a fucking line. That is a fucking line, my friends. Boy, it's turning into a real '80s revival week, huh?

I feel like I've been working for eight years. It's only 12:30! I declare the rest of the day golden and lovely and mine, mine, mine.

Artful yet godless
Jan 2 2004 - 1:21 a.m.

Wow, I haven't talked to you guys since like last year!

(Matt likes his annual joke.)

It's 2004 and I seem to want to do nothing with myself, other than watch DVDs and stay up late. I've been doing this only since Wednesday morning yet I feel like I've been at it for four months. My brain thinks it's in the midst of a procrastination wave so big it must be seen to be believed. Tomorrow's ostensibly a work day but I have no desire, other than a self-preservational fear that if I don't stop this hayride here, it'll carry me all the way till February.

Plus, I've got a cold... kinda. It's been a weird one, circling me for three weeks and only now does it bother to clog up my nose. I suspect tomorrow's gonna be with the nasty, though, so be forewarned, all those who seek to kiss me open-mouthedly.

Tangentially related, but hopefully not too related, one of my drinking glasses has developed a case of the measles. Or mumps. Or something that makes it have indestructible white dots on the inside. I call it the Glass of Much Plague, and keep it separate from the other, more impressionable glasses.

Well, whatever. It's a Neo Citran night for me and if things get any worse, we're onto the Gummy Berry Juice... Nyquil!

On to the daily news. Adam's been feeding me all kinds of bulljive about how F-Zero GX is really really hard, but I'm finding it quite elementary. On just my second day of playing, I've already won the first Grand Prix... and with five consecutive first places, too. But then Adam rollicked my ass at head-to-head, so who knows what's going on. It ain't like the old days.

Also, Adam and I were discussing Flight of the Navigator, which we both realize is a film that most other people have never heard of. How can something that we loved that much when we were kids have completely missed everybody else? I even own it on VHS, and am hoping for an eventual DVD. Actually, in an ideal world, I'd remake it, only with a girl instead of a boy, a robot with the voice of Stanley J. Keramidas instead of a robot with the voice of Pee Wee Herman, and Chi McBride instead of Howard Hesseman, but otherwise keep it exactly the same, right down to the kick-ass Alan Silvestri electronic score and the note-perfect performance of Cliff DeYoung as "Dad."

Well anyways. It's definitely time for a FOTN appreciation week, so if you're at all familiar with the film, take some time to spread the word to the heathens.

Had a great New Year's; Daniel and Felix threw a party together with less than two days notice, and yet somehow managed to attract a large crowd of people. This therefore took the place of all the other parties, which were mysteriously cancelled with only days to spare. Daniel and Felix have Power and Skill. I had Rum. It all worked out.

The final results of the DVD 300 poll can be viewed here. It's 8½. Apparently, Chris just wanted it more. More than the wankers who were clogging the system with illegal votes for Mars Attacks! and Pirannha II, anyway.

And finally: ha ha ha ha ha ha! It's New Year's Resolutions time, girls.

The Deeper Well