After Midnight
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Megatron isn't just the best Transformer, he's the only Transformer for me - he's the only one I've got left, the only one I even thought of keeping during the Great Purge of '91, when everything else that could have handily paid for my entire college education went into the dumpster behind Shoppers Drug Mart. He was my favourite birthday present ever, the only time my family actually bought me a realistic gun as a toy, a problem which I easily deflected with near-magical proficiency by transforming the deadly Walther P-38 into the robotic leader of the Decepticons whenever someone got uppity. Nowadays, my Megatron ain't in great shape; his stickers are completely fucked, and the joint that attaches his cannon to his arm is just gone (and let's face it, the arm-cannon was about 88% of what made Megatron cool). But I loves him.
The only thing that doesn't track about Megatron is the size issue. On the cartoon, he could be standing there, big as life, but when he transformed, he became a handgun small enough for Starscream to hold. WTF? Does the law of conservation of mass mean nothing in the Transformers universe? Even at eight years old, I was puzzled and annoyed by this seeming discrepancy.
When Megatron got "reformatted" into Galvatron, I couldn't help but be pissed. My gay best friend got Galvatron from his mother, and yeah, it was a slick-looking toy and made my Megatron seem unbelievably obsolete. But was Galvatron actually cooler? (Except for the fact that he had a light-up gun-beak?) Hellllllllllllllllllllll no. Megatron might be vintage, but he was vintage badass, and he'd stomp all over Galvatron's nancy-boy purple deco any damn time.
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Meanwhile, on the other side of the '80s cartoon universe, a pre-Britney white girl with pink hair and LED earrings was making waaaaaaaaaay too much noise in the world of imaginary popular music, and need to be stomped down. Who better for the job than neon-green-haired Pizzazz, leader (and evil mastermind) of the trash-rock power combo, The Misfits? I had a Pizzazz when I was a kid, too; she was the only fashion doll I ever owned (well, at least until I was 21) and I loved her. Flourescent green hair. Savage zebra-print dress. Sparkly guitar. And in my first true lesson in the utter fetishistic use of fashion against all notions of practicality, a single green knee-sock on the left leg, her right leg left stylishly bare. This chick had serious style to go with her evil.
And yeah, she was evil. She was hardcore evil. In fact, Pizzazz was so fucking evil she made Cobra Commander seem reasonable. I firmly believe that if her mojo wasn't significantly balanced by wussy side-man Stormer (blue-haired girly peace freak who was always making friends with the Holograms... how I hate her! my gay best friend had Stormer), it's entirely possible that Pizzazz would have eventually burst into Starlight Music with an AK-47 and mowed down every single one of those useless Holograms and left them dripping in their own pink-and-yellow blood. That's evil.
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Jem was therefore the only franchise where I was resolutely with the bad guys. I don't brook with the Empire, Cobra, or the Decepticons (in spite of my Megatron fetish), but when it comes to the Holograms vs. the Misfits, nothing would have made me happier than to have Pizzazz's girls come out on top. In fact, I was frequently left bitter and disappointed by the seeming ease with which Jem's team would take down the bad guys. There was a clearly delineated meritocracy at work here, and Pizzazz should have been right on top of it out of sheer skill, ambition, and fashion sense. And when it came to makeup, the Misfits set a high-water mark that has yet to be challenged anywhere in the world. Whereas the Holograms were all for traditional placement of blush, lipstick, and eyeshadow, the Misfits just cut swaths of colour across their faces in pretty much random patterns, as though they were trying to camouflage themselves for a mission to a neon spaceship. These makeup choices were so defining that they immediately got linked to "eeeeevil" in the show's limited visual iconography, like the time that Kimber wanted to go hardcore badass and Synergy immediately gave her red mascara talons that plunged from her eye sockets halfway down to her jawline. In the Jem-o-verse, that's evil.
So now I'm flummoxed. The notion of Pizzazz riding around on Megatron's shoulder whispering sophistry in his ear in a new bid for world domination sure is appealing, but ultimately I think I prefer the idea of just locking the two of them in an energy cage - two villains enter, one villain leaves, welcome to Thunderdome. But then you have to figure, could a mean little rock singer with no muscle tone possibly take down a 20-foot robot with a pulse cannon on his arm? Pizzazz is lithe, certainly, and could probably get into Megatron's mechanisms and do some damage, but one good BOP and she's a pancake.
And after you're done voting, please bow before me, for I am the
all-seeing master of procrastination.
Man-parts
Oct 15 2004 - 10:47
a.m.
That's me, Chad and Jason, playing with toys at Chad's wedding. Photo c/o Andria, a.k.a. The Most Understanding Bride Ever.
A Star Wars convention in Indiana? Gimme a break.
Oct
14 2004 - 11:42 p.m.
Exhaust port is marked and locked in: I bought my 4-day pass for Star Wars Celebration III tonight, and Jason, Chad, Matthew and I finalized our trip details and booked our hotel. On-the-ground costs for this thing are around $400 per person, and that doesn't include all the shit that Lucasfilm is bound to sucker me into buying when I'm actually at the con, nor the food I'll be eating between here and getting back to here. But fuck it! It's the last Star Wars movie ever. Rituals must be observed.
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So now, it's all about boots. And the rest of the costume. It's time to replace the cloak, certainly, and the tunic and shirt could also do with an upgrade. So yeah: the whole thing, pretty much. Boots and belt are to be ordered ASAP, and then I'm going to have to hunt around for raw Indian silk, and suitable craftspeople.
Matty Price put my mind at ease tonight by noting that we could easily pay for the entire trip by luring unknowing Warsies into our hotel room with promises of liquor and LSD, and then kicking their asses at high-stakes poker. Or sabaac. Or something.
I'm a geek!
What. The. Fuck.
Oct 14 2004 - 4:44
p.m.
Chris Rock is hosting the Oscars.
Land Line
Oct 14 2004 - 2:14
p.m.
After four and a half months of unyielding lies, failures, and the worst service - both customer, and cellular - I have ever experienced in my life, I have finally cancelled my Fido. It felt damn good. Next week I'm going to take my aluminum baseball bat down to Cherry Beach and use the phone for batting practice. It could almost be a VCR movie.
By the way, once VCR 9 & 10 (and 5.1, of course) are finally done, I've hit on what to do next: the PVR Dodecalogue, a twelve-part examination of what kind of fun can be had when smashing PVRs into small pieces.
In the waiting line
Oct 14 2004 - 11:25
a.m.
Lost theory of the week: they're in purgatory. (Chad stop reading now if you haven't watched it yet!) The obvious issue now is going to be explaining Locke's newfound footworthiness. Now, it could be something simple like he had a fragment of bone lodged in his spinal cord that was limiting his lower-body function and when he was tossed out the back of the airplane, the impact juggered the fragment free and gave him (probably temporary) use of his legs again. Or it could be something purgatory-y like they're in frickin' purgatory for cryin' out loud! And who needs a wheelchair in the afterlife?
By the way: whenever I post a Lost theory, people get mad at me. Guys, these aren't my definitive, all-time, this-is-what-I-believe solution to the problem. These are theories. You come up with a theory, you test it, and then you move on to the next theory. Chill.
Lost keeps getting better, each episode building on the one before in fairly significant ways. And yeah, the reversals on this show are unbelievable. And now David Fury's writing for them. He must be as happy as a pig in slop.
Meanwhile: this could be the Episode III banner, but nothing's ever gonna touch lil' orphan Ani standing in the desert with the man's shadow breathing down his neck.
12" Aayla Secura's coming our way with the ROTS line. I'm interested. Between Basic and Unleashed, I still don't think we've seen the best possible version of the design.
And since I don't think I've actually had it solidly confirmed anywhere before now, with the Official Site being decidedly coy talking about red gels and flashing lights but refusing to actually pony up and give us the deets... yes, the Anakin/Obi-Wan duel does happen on a volcanic planet (called Mustafar), as we've all believed since 1978. Serenity's fading. Anakin Skywalker's mangled body is climbing back to the top of the heap...
Things I've done (starring me as myself)
Oct 13 2004 - 3:57 p.m.
Bold means yes. Not bold means no.
- Bought everyone in the pub a drink
- Swam with wild dolphins
- Climbed a mountain
- Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
- Been inside the Great Pyramid(I'm counting Chichen Itza as this. It's not THE great pyramid, but it's a great pyramid)
- Held a tarantula (but he was dead)
- Taken a candlelit bath with someone
- Said "I love you" and meant it.
- Hugged a tree
- Done a striptease
- Bungee jumped
- Visited Paris
- Watched a lightning storm at sea
- Stayed up all night long and watched the sunrise
- Seen the Northern Lights
- Gone to a huge sports game (World Series '93 Game Six! yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!)
- Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
- Grown and eaten your own vegetables
- Touched an iceberg
- Slept under the stars
- Changed a baby's diaper
- Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
- Watched a meteor shower
- Gotten drunk on champagne
- Given more than you can afford to charity
- Looked at the night sky through a telescope
- Had a giggling fit at exactly the wrong moment
- Had a food fight
- Bet on a winning horse
- Taken a sick day when you're not ill
- Asked out a stranger
- Had a snowball fight
- Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
- Screamed as loud as you possibly can
- Held a lamb
- Enacted a favorite fantasy
- Taken a midnight skinny dip
- Taken an ice cold bath
- Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
- Seen a total eclipse
- Ridden a roller coaster
- Hit a home run
- Fit three weeks into three days
- Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
- Adopted an accent for an entire day (and it drove my friends NUTS)
- Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
- Actually felt happy about your life, even just for a moment
- Had two hard drives for your computer
- Visited all 50 states
- Loved your job on all accounts
- Taken care of someone who was shit faced
- Had enough money to be truly satisfied
- Had amazing friends (uh... had them sexually?)
- Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
- Watched wild whales
- Stolen a sign
- Backpacked in Europe
- Taken a road-trip
- Rock climbing
- Lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice
- Midnight walk on the beach
- Sky diving
- Visited Ireland
- Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
- In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
- Visited Japan (no but I really wanna!)
- Bench pressed your own weight
- Milked a cow
- Alphabetized your records
- Pretended to be a super hero (what do you mean, pretend?)
- Sung Karaoke
- Lounged around in bed all day
- Posed nude in front of strangers
- Scuba diving
- Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
- Kissed in the rain
- Played in the mud
- Played in the rain
- Gone to a drive-in theater
- Done something you should regret, but don't regret it
- Visited the Great Wall of China
- Discovered that someone who's not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog
- Dropped Windows in favor of something better
- Started a business
- Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
- Toured ancient sites
- Taken a martial arts class
- Sword fought for the honor of a woman (well, chased a guy down the street with a lightsabre for the honour of a woman...)
- Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
- Gotten married
- Been in a movie
- Crashed a party
- Loved someone you shouldn't have
- Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
- Gotten divorced
- Had sex at the office (I work out of the house, duh)
- Gone without food for five days
- Made cookies from scratch
- Ridden a gondola in Venice
- Gotten a tattoo
- Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
- Rafted the Snake River
- Been on television news programs as an "expert" (in Star Wars, natch)
- Got flowers for no reason
- Masturbated in a public place
- Got so drunk you don't remember anything
- Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
- Performed on stage
- Been to Vegas
- Recorded music (and this would be a good point to announce that Jessica Fletcher may be making a comeback)
- Eaten shark
- Had a one night stand
- Gone to Thailand
- Seen Siouxsie live
- Bought a house
- Been in a combat zone
- Buried one/both of your parents
- Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off
- Been on a cruise ship on the Seine.
- Spoken more than one language fluently
- Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
- Bounced a check (didn't mean to!)
- Performed in Rocky Horror
- Read - and understood - your credit report
- Raised children
- Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy (what are you, kidding me?)
- Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
- Created and named your own constellation of stars
- Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
- Found out something significant that your ancestors did
- Called or written your congress person
- Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
- ...more than once?
- Walked the Golden Gate Bridge Both ways! (actually, I'm not sure if I walked back to SF or took the car. It was 11 years ago.)
- Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
- Had an abortion or your female partner did
- Had plastic surgery
- Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
- Wrote articles for a large publication (Tederick.com is large)
- Lost over 100 pounds
- Held someone while they were having a flashback
- Piloted an airplane
- Petted a stingray
- Broken someone's heart (and it was fun)
- Helped an animal give birth
- Been fired or laid off from a job
- Won money on a T.V. game show
- Broken a bone (just my freakin' toe... boy I wish I had a better story here)
- Killed a human being
- Gone on an African photo safari
- Ridden a motorcycle
- Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph
- Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
- Fired a rifle, shotgun or pistol
- Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
- Ridden a horse
- Had major surgery
- Had sex on a moving train
- Had a snake as a pet
- Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
- Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
- Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
- Visited all 7 continents
- Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
- Eaten kangaroo meat
- Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
- Been a sperm or egg donor
- Eaten sushi Every Friday
- Had your picture in the newspaper (like, constantly)
- Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime (uh... healthy?)
- Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about.
- Gotten someone fired for their actions
- Gone back to school
- Parasailed
- Changed your name
- Petted a cockroach
- Eaten fried green tomatoes
- Read The Illiad
- Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
- Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
- ...and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
- Taught yourself an art from scratch
- Killed and prepared an animal for eating
- Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
- Skipped all your school reunions
- Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language (yeah, my parents)
- Been elected to public office
- Written your own computer language (sure, I call it HTMCBL... doesn't work for shit)
- Thought to yourself that now you're living your dream
- Had to put someone you love into hospice care
- Built your own PC from parts
- Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
- Had a booth at a street fair
- Dyed your hair
- Been a DJ
- Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
- Written your own role playing game
- Been arrested
Got that off Debbie's blog, for the sole purpose of proving the utter narcisism of everything I do. Yay me!
Tederick.com: helping you procrastinate, one post at a time.
This man has testicles on his chin.
Oct
13 2004 - 2:14 p.m.
And that will never change.
I re-did the Purity Test after last night's quiz madness but was disappointed to find that there has been no significant change in my score. Strangely, though, my gay score dropped a couple of points... I know it's a silly thing to quibble about, but I'm kind of forced to wonder how I became even less gay. Is it the new pants?
Please Joss. Please Joss. Please Joss. Please Joss. (etc.)
Quizilla
Oct 12 2004 - 7:02
p.m.
I never tire of this:
1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?
The northern tip of the island where my aunt's cottage currently sits. Unfortunately, there's already a house there. Maybe I could eat it.
2. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?
Right now, probably the red hoodie I got from the Gap two weeks ago. No wait what am I thinking??? The Vader jersey!!
3. FAVORITE PHYSICAL FEATURE OF THE OPPOSITE (or TARGET)SEX?
It's always been eyes. But asses are enough to get me to leave a subway before my stop.
4. THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT?
Ummm... Sky Captain?
5. WHERE'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?
The back seat of my parents' car, with Adam and Caitlin beside me rasslin'.
6. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE MASSAGED?
Begins and ends with the back.
7. WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT, STRONG IN MIND OR STRONG IN BODY?
Mind, duh. Although lately the physical discipline's been helping with the mental.
8. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
Around ten.
9. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE?
Does my grapefruit knife count? Well, then probably just the kettle. I needs my tea.
10. WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY ANGRY?
Narrow-mindedness.
11. IF YOU COULD PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
[can't believe I'm saying this but] piano. Let's face it, it's a good skill to have.
12. FAVORITE COLOR?
Green.
13. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR SUV?
Sports car. BMW Z-3 or Z-4.
14. DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTERLIFE?
Sure, but not the way you think.
15. FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK?
What constitutes a "children's book?" Harry Potter or Where the Wild Things Are?
16. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
Probably fall. Death is cool.
17. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Flying is the traditional response, but I'm eyeing the adamantium claws more and more these days.
18. IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?
Don't have one, but I've been considering it for well over a decade, and quite a bit in the past few months. It'll probably happen before next summer, if it happens at all.
19. CAN YOU JUGGLE?
Geese? No. Tasks? Yes.
20. THE ONE PERSON FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO?
Geoffrey MacDonald. Where the fuck is Geoffrey MacDonald? I need to know, man! About the wang thing!
21. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DAY?
May 25th?
22. WHAT'S IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR?
The money I used to buy it.
23. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?
Sushi.
24. FROM THE PEOPLE YOU WILL EMAIL THIS TO, WHO'S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST?
Homer, I'm a dude.
25. WHO'S LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Chris.
26. WHO DID YOU RECEIVE THIS FROM?
The blog of a total stranger.
27. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CARTOON?
The Simpsons. Um, duh.
28. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MEAL?
Peanut Butter n' somethin'.
29. WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?
Shiny black (tearaways).
30. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The Bourne Supremacy.
31. WHAT'S THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Okay I really don't do this a lot... but two fried eggs, with bacon, and a bunch of melted cheddar cheese, in a sandwich.
32. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Probably teal. It's not my favourite colour, but it's the crayon I most want to eat.
33. THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW?
Chilly but not too chilly, and clear. Sun's just gone down.
34.WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON THAT YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Jason, not five minutes ago.
35. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
The Bourne Identity. Now you know how I work.
36. HUGS OR KISSES?
Hugs.
37. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
No honestly, does anyone pick vanilla?
38. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED?
A tripod, some clothes, a lightsabre or two, and the Queen's Royal Starship.
39. WHO IS THE FRIEND YOU HAVE HAD THE LONGEST?
My penis.
Oh... and Mark.
40. NUMBER OF KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING?
[counts furiously] Five.
41. FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK?
Thursday.
42. WHAT DID YOU DO ON YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY?
Saw Saw, got drunk, got thrown against the vampire wall, played soccer hung over, had sushi with my parents, and probably a wank or two.
43. IN HOW MANY STATES HAVE YOU LIVED?
None, stupid.
44. IN HOW MANY CITIES HAVE YOU LIVED?
Just T-dot.
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
T. Dot.
47. WHAT WOULD YOU BE DOING IF YOU WERE NOT IN YOUR PRESENT OCCUPATION?
I'm already doing my "what would you be doing" occupation.
48. ANY EXCITING PLANS FOR THE FUTURE?
In about five minutes, I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
Good Touch / Bad Touch
Oct 12 2004 - 4:57
p.m.
So not only has my e-mail been down all day, but the War of the Fido is reaching a fever pitch and I seriously doubt my cell account will last to the end of the week. On one hand, these things are good. I dig with the hermitages, and this urban plug-in thing was getting stale anyway. On the other hand, GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING E-MAIL!!! God dammit.
And I didn't even make it through the first fifteen minutes of Life As We Know It before I got so pissed off that I had to walk around the house taking deep, calming breaths.
Thing 1: There is no such thing as a sensitive, introspective teenaged male. Even the sensitive introspective ones are too busy plotting their various revenge scenarios to ever even once be capable of turning to an unseen camera and offering a drippy monologue on how much they actually care about the girl they're trying to lay.
Thing 2: In a high school population of approximately 1200, exactly six boys will have a fully developed upper body. Those six boys do not all hang out at home together having milk-chugging contests.
Thing 3: ABC, you cancelled My So-Called Life after 19 episodes, just about ten years ago. You have absolutely no right to lay any claim to "the next great teen drama." Eat shit and die slowly. (Don't cancel Lost. Please!)
Did anybody else know about this? Cuz, wow. Really wow. And also: has PJ lost a ton of weight? Check out Day 20.
Dark Phoenix
Oct 12 2004 - 10:40
a.m.
Crisis averted: I found Jean's hand. She's looking calmer.
Did anyone else know that there are two lesbians on Survivor this year? I guess that's what I get for not reading the biographies on the official site any more. And no, Twila ain't one of 'em. But now I'm all eroticized by the potential of Jaburu ticklefights and skinnydipping.
Many thanks to Tederick.com reader Marleen, who pointed out an error in Season Five of Jasper Online. Such a mighty whallop.
Finally, I read the description of the teaser trailer for Revenge of the Sith, and y'know what? I don't know if I should see this thing. I'm stunned that they've chosen to hang the trailer around the moment when Vader first becomes Vader - the actual moment Ani first puts on the suit and struts around. Isn't that like, literally, the end of the frickin' movie? Isn't that the sort of thing that really should be kept absolutely hush-hush, Yoda-duel-style, until May 16, so we can all see it for the first time in context on the big screen, rather than in a frickin' trailer? Why not cut in a quick shot of Luke & Leia squirting out of Natalie's vagina while we're at it? Meh. Those who remember the trailer fiasco in '98/'99 (hereafter referred to as "The Ox-Bow Incident") will doubtless be chuckling mirthfully at even my suggestion that I might be able to withstand watching the damn thing for six months, but for right now, I'm strongly considering boycotting.
That's why I can understand why guys are into... sucking...
vagina or whatever
Oct 11 2004 - 11:37
p.m.
Turkey Day Vol. 2 is beneath my belt and making many noises. Brandy did an outstanding job with the cooking, and the rest of we 3QF-ers (along with the guests) faired mightily with the eating. Eating, incidentally, is off the menu for at least a month and a half. My insides are lodged.
Shirley and Clovis returned to civilization today after a lengty
absence; Shirley immediately went down on Chris' finger, as befits her
personality. The title statement above, meanwhile, comes from the lengthy
post-dinner sex talk that erupted at 3QF tonight, and was spoken with such
well-meaning dismissiveness that I have branded it the single most homosexual
statement I have ever heard uttered by a gay male anywhere ever. It's
heartwarming. There's nothing like the willingness to strive to comprehend the
sexual organs of a gender you want nothing sexually to do with, just for the
sake of bridging the gaps between the subcultures.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Dave's got an iPod now. Here's a picture of it:
Purdy. I'm two gigs from shutdown on mine, and then I gots ta start culling. Less than a year! Dammit, I thought it would take a lot longer than that, given the number of people who tell me that I never listen to music.
And Kate bought her first Buffy DVD yesterday, after gobbling up the entirety of seasons 1-6 in a single month, setting a new land-speed record for this kind of consumption. So basically everybody's into the good shit these days.
And for that, I am thankful.
Still Flying
Oct 11 2004 - 11:19 a.m.
Christopher Reeve
1952-2004
"But most will remember this sad day as the day the proudest,
most noble man they ever knew finally fell.... For this is the day that a
Superman died."
-
Superman #75, 1992
He was my hero when I was a kid, and an entirely different kind of hero when I was a grown-up. Rest in peace, old friend, you will be missed.
The family has requested that donations be made to the Christopher Reeve Paralysis Foundation.
"And sometimes I despair the world will never see another man like him."
The View From Here
Oct 10 2004 - 1:47
p.m.
I just got done (finally!) hanging all the wall-picsn'posters in my room that I've been procrastinating for six weeks, and it all looks fabbooo. Here's what it looks like from where I'm sitting:
See, it's like my room again! Instead of me sleeping in the room of some guy who looks vaguely like my cousin Elvyn!
However, this post is not without tragedy: at some point during the move, I seem to have lost Jean Grey's hand. She is now all Lukeified. And she's got that creepy "I'm Phoenix I'm gonna kill you for losing my hand" look on her face.
Got hit by the biggest Titanic craving about forty minutes ago. Bizarre.
Attitude of Gratitude
Oct 10 2004 - 11:29
a.m.
Hey kids, Kill Bill Vol. 1 was released a year ago today! And I don't usually mark dates like this, but I just watched Vol. 2 on DVD at long last yestereve, and I must once again lay down my sword and bow to the might of Tarantino. Fuck me these flicks are brilliant. I've written 2 KB reviews (1, 2) over the past year and I haven't even covered half of what I love about these movies. Words pale. Miss Kitty, they are Fantastico!
I haven't done a "Whole Bloody Affair" viewing yet, but it's in the future.
It's Turkey Day Vol. 1 here in C-da, and I'm going to the 'rents to make with the munchies. I've already eaten too much today (banana bread at dawn) so I'm unsure of how this is going to go in terms of waistline, although I think it's reasonable to conclude that whatever blubber I managed to shed during TIFF is gonna come roaring back with a few friends.
I was watching Burn yesterday (no review cuz it's one a' mine) and man, I love that movie. I haven't made nearly enough movies in the second half of this year. Mark and I are sketchily planning to do Heroin sometime soon, and there's always Leap to finish... but yeah. Movies, man. What a biz.
Yesterday was fairly well awesome: after I got home from yoga, I did nothing but hang out with meself. I finally finished unpacking from the move (!) and hung up pictures and posters and even peppered my walls with Star Wars DVD stickers (thanks Hope!). I watched KB2 and also The Matrix Reloaded for some reason; I made a kickass stuffed-chicken dinner and a DVD of some of my more recent flicks, and even found time to sit in my brown leather chair (in my specialized brown leather chair nook) and think about the universe, one of the prime reasons I took this apartment in the first place (nook love). So that worked out. Today my soccer game has gone kaput on me and I know I should be all subcultural and shit, but I feel like it might just be a day for hangin' out watching the So Fuckin' Under. Buh.
Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! And I'd like to take this opportunity to personall thank the pilgrims for so brilliantly colonizing this land upon which I now live, erradicating all prior claimants so that I can sit in my bedroom with my action figures, eat fatted poultry, and live like a king. Well done!
Come, Stimpson!
Oct 9 2004 - 10:33
a.m.
Bow before the might of Ren & Stimpy.
I mean, I knew R&S was great way back when. Technically I figured it out about six minutes after the end of the second season, which as we all know was pretty much the end of Ren & Stimpy, further seasons notwithstanding. Adam taped MuchMusic's Ren & Stimpathon and we burned a hole in that tape watching it so many times. But the years have passed and I think I actually managed to forget just how nastily sharp this show really is. Wow.
So I got my Ren & Stimpy Seasons 1 & 2 DVD a bit early and had a wee R&Sathon o' my own yesterhow - "Sven Hoek," "Powdered Toast Man," "Rubber Nipple Salesmen," "Fire Dogs" - and now I might actually have to buy that dumb-looking Ren action figure, because I just can't get enough of Ren right now. Ren is me, in nondescript-chihuahua form. I might have to have shirts printed up.
Bow. Bow before the might!!
Boobs of doom
Oct 8 2004 - 11:23
a.m.
If I had tits, I'd do this.
Oh wait: they take men.
[rummaging...]
[snapshotting...]
[uploading...]
Fine.... I've done it. Never one to not put my teats where my mouth is. Or vice versa.
Get yer photos in by Sunday, folks-with-nips!
I can't keep going under
Oct 8 2004 -
10:34 a.m.
Here's the stunner of the week: The Simpsons Season Five will hit shinydisk in December. That's right, they're actually releasing two sets within one calendar year. This has never happened before. Is the curse broken? Might we actually see the complete series on disk before the end of the century? Look how eerily quiet it is...
It's not much of a surprise, but JKR has confirmed that yet another principal character will get tossed to Valhalla in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. The popular thinking is Hagrid; I still think the Weasley twins have had it easy for far too long.
So here's the most impertinent whine that could possibly be uttered by anyone who goes around calling himself retired, but I have no damn time for anything anymore. I have a list of things to do as long as my arm, which I've just been copy-and-pasting from one day to the next in my day planner for the past two weeks. And entirely outside that list, I've got two Thanksgiving dinners this weekend that I'm looking forward to, a pantload of subculture revisions that I want to get done, and I also want to find time to go to yoga, have coffee, play soccer, watch Kill Bill and Eternal Sunshine, finish the Return of the Jedi commentary, start a new book, finish The Invisibles Vol. 2, write my Buffy short story, watch Ren & Stimpy, plough through the third season of Six Feet Under, discuss with Mark, smack my cell phone into Lake Ontario, and cook something. My time-panic, she is mighty.
But it's okay, cuz I'm a virtuous man.
Finally: a big "welcome aboard" to Matthew's son Max, who was shown Star Wars for the very first time yesterday. We are legion. We shall overwhelm the earth. The third generation is being trained in our ways. All shall fear us and despair!!!
...so I kicked her in the box and shoved her.
Oct 7 2004 - 6:06 p.m.
Today was what it's all about: me, Mer and Amy, sitting in a room, figuring out the final programme list for this year's One Minute Film & Video Festival. We're aiming at about 50-55 flicks this year. It was just fun to toss ideas around, spitballing content, and there was a lot of friendly agreement on what constituted the best (and worst) of this year's lot. (I hope to one day run a Midnight Madness consisting entirely of the worst entries we've ever received.) Running lists of "__________ is in, _________ is definitely in, _________ is way the fuck out" is fun. We only got in one significant tiff, over which "first time driver" movie should beincluded in the schedule... jury's still out on that one, but we might end up with both. This is definitely what I got into this thing for. Programming is funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, way more than slinging videotapes around. It's looking like November's gonna be another race to the finish, but I'm looking forward to it - the stuff that I really like in this year's programme kicks the pants off the stuff that I really liked in last year's show. Even the driving movie.
Hello salty goodness:
Wow.
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Since I'm in zone already with that comment, here's this: exactly once a year, I buy a Maxim, to figure out where I am in relation to the entirety of the rest of human understanding. Regular Tederick.commies will know of my inexplicable, quasi-masochistic soft spot for Avril, so Little Miss Napanee's cover issue got the nod this year, during my big shopping day last week. (I felt that the rank materialism of the day was good cover for the rank fetishism of buying the mag.) While at least 80% of my brain is still shut off thanks to the unbelievable jarheadedness contained in those pages, I will say this: those guys give good factoid. Like:
- A glorious two-page spread of a tiger attacking - and killing - a crocodile. And not in a movie.
- Fabien Cousteau's trojan shark, a fake Great White that Cousteau intends to use to, y'know, hang out with the real sharks.
- The grand prize winner of all time, a home circumcision kit. The words "high and tight circumcision" are actually used on this page. Jesus H. FUCKING Christ.
My 2004 Maxim experience concluded with me sitting on the subway ogling the glossies, when the doors opened and the car filled with impressionable schoolkids, at which point I stashed the porn and made like a responsible grownup again.
I did another tract of dialogue revision on subculture at the Second Cup in my ongoing effort to have this version really really really done by tomorrow... we'll see. And NYX #5 was just dandy, thank you, but was filled with the same sort of wild unevenness that has marked the series thus far. Maybe if Quesada would get off his ass and write the thing a bit more frequently than, say, once every six months, this would improve.
And finally, here's today's moment of zen: Ewan McGregor tossing a damn near headlong flying tackle at George Lucas upon the conclusion of Episode III's pickup photography. [Sighs contentedly.]
If this is a consular ship, where is the ambassador?
Oct 7 2004 - 10:56 a.m.
Have yet to write my review of the awfulness that is Resident Evil 2, but until then, have a good time with Darth Vader trying to mug a pizza guy. (Although it's from Fox News, so it might be complete bullshit.)
If droids could think, there'd be none of us here
Oct
6 2004 - 10:58 a.m.
Here's the trailer for Ewan McGregor's new CGI robots movie. I'll say this for it: it sure makes me nostalgic for Aladdin.
This morning I heard the best Lost theory yet, and folk who picked up their TOS Season 1 shinydisks last month will be able to follow along with my two simple words: "Shore Leave." This concept, of course, not only solves the puzzle fairly conclusively, but also raises a serious bevvy of questions about how we're to re-interpret that very first shot from the very first episode. I'm no fan of "it was all a _______" storytelling, but my mind just about flipped over backwards when I took a full mental inventory of just how far-reaching the playground could be. It could all mean nothing, of course, but it certainly explains the polar bear.
....a fucking polar bear....!!!
Well, if the stars have finally aligned, NYX #5 may have graced us with its presence at long last. I'm off to the mines to sort out coffee, zombies, and gourmet burritos. I'll let you know.
DANGERFIELD
Oct 5 2004 - 10:23
p.m.
A comic idol of mine for most of my life, Rodney Dangerfield, is dead. Take a moment, folks. Show the respect.
Everybody dies
Oct 5 2004 - 1:58
p.m.
A little while back, I was given Six Feet Under Season 1 to watch on DVD, on the assumption that I would enjoy it. When I was done torturing myself with those 13 episodes, I wrote a blog bit titled "Six Feet Underwhelming" which I still think is just about the cleverest I've ever been about anything, ever. Suffice to say, me no like-o. Well, that got all fucked up. Season 2 swung me around bigtime on the whole SFU affair and I'm now hooked like a small-mouthed bass. Sooooooooo, point of the story being, now I'm totally mired and fucked: Nate's deciding staring at the death-bus, everything is all funky, and I don't know what happens next (except about poor Lisa, and I hear that someone wailed on David in Season 4 at some point, but otherwise I'm way in the dark) and it's driving me nuts. I go around the house humming the theme... or more accurately, singing the theme... "Dum! Dum dum dum! Dum dum dum deedle dum dum dum...." and wondering what my funeral's going to be like. And it's made me all emotional and weirdlike about family. Basically, SFU snuck under my radar and got so bone-deep that I pretty much just didn't notice it at first. And now it's starting to grow, like those bugs that lay eggs in your arm-flesh. Damn you Alan Ball, for actually being brilliant, when I thought you were just dumb.
So that's where I am about that. Watched Boston Legal last night; most uninspired David Kelley pilot I've seen thus far, and I've been quite the devoté in my time. Haven't watched Housewives yet; not sure if I'll like it. I have only a small number of weekly hours I'm willing to commit to new programming, and they're being consumed by repeat Lost viewings.
Snikkity-snikt berserker
Oct 5 2004 -
10:47 a.m.
So in addition to yesterday's bit about that weenie boy writing X3, we also have (ugh) Troy writer David Benioff writing the Wolverine spin-off. Which leads me to ask: hey, weren't X1 and X2 Wolverine spin-offs anyway? How much more Wolverine can we cram into one of these son'bitches? Where's my fucking Cyclops movie, you bastards?!
Whoa... got a bit more emotional there than I expected. Cyke. I love Cyke.
Meanwhile, the X-franchise's own Benedict Arnold can be tracked in a surprisingly detailed article here, which will get you goose-bumpy about Superman (if that is your ken).
There's something truly delightful about Orlando and Jude getting engaged (not to each other) on the same day. I can hear the tweenie hearts ripping in half all over the planet, and it gives me the giggles.
And finally:
Nothing beats good branding.
Silly PUTTY, Rose!
Oct 4 2004 - 8:09
p.m.
Yup, this makes me undeniably, uncomfortably happy:
And I am dying a slow and painful death for Six Feet Under. I'm trying to track down the third season. If anyone can help me out, please make with the mercy.
Once more with pictures
Oct 4 2004 - 6:19
p.m.
My arm grew:
Deal with the Dark Lord
Oct 4 2004 - 5:04
p.m.
Oh boy did I get my Vader jersey today. Oh boy did I. And let me tell you: if it gets better than this thing, I don't want to know about it. This is the best thing ever. I might forego the Kenobi costume and just wear this for all SW events next spring. Wearing black is just too awesome.
If my arm were about six feet longer, there would be a picture.
So here's something crazy: someone other than Joss Whedon is writing X3. Does this seem sane to you? Does this seem any saner? John Woo? By the power of Grayskull? What?
And I got a nice, shiny new Green Bin dropped off in front of my house today. I didn't know this was happening. Now I'm very excited about it. It's fun to sort through your garbage!
Very sorry to mark the passing of Janet Leigh today; along with Fay Wray last month, it's been a bad season for vintage scream queens.
I spent the day watching Coffee & Cigarettes and gnapping; my room is a disaster and my life is seriously disorganized and I haven't written in my journal in about six days. But I'm feeling at least partially euphoric. Maybe I'll watch Kill Bill and eat Pringles.
And Hollywood Will Listen
Oct 4 2004 -
11:45 a.m.
Okay honestly: what the fuck is an ope-deba? Stupid Budget! 905-OPE-DEBA my ass. This shit has been tormenting me for months. I finally googled it and got nothing. They done made ope-deba up. And I will be damned if I ever call someone up and say "ope deba." I will be deep in the cold, cold ground.
Kate thinks it's just the best number-letter combo they could get for their campaign, which (if it's true) is pretty pathetic for the mighty Budget empire; I'm under the impression that it's all just a joke being played on Budget by someone else. Or, that it's actually a sentence, spoken with a really obscure accent. But then we have to ask ourselves: what the fuck is an eba? And who's Charley?
...and the Geekin'
Being notably the
second component of a 2-part ongoing series starring Matt Brown as Obi-Wan
Kenobi
Oct 1 2004 - 1:00 p.m.
In which Matt gasses about Star Wars, a lot. There will be pictures.
1. Hit the accelerator!
It's plainly obvious now that any Star Wars movie becomes good by the skin of its balls. It's a near thing, man, with endless badness lying just on the other side of the road. The original Han/Leia conversation scene in Empire, Luke and Threepio in the landspeeder in the original cut of Star Wars... like, holy crap, these movies could have sucked some major, major ass, and never more so than in the original take of Yoda's "you will be." The whole phenomenon is somewhat creepy, and somewhat comforting.
2. Mmmm. Closure.
Every once in a while in any ongoing arc, there comes an episode where everything kinda just goes "whump" and all the ongoing tension gets released and/or reversed for the mighty pleasure of the audience. Such was it with Republic #69, where Obi-Wan finally catches up to Quinlan and they get to have it out on whether or not Q has gone dark-ass. There was a flashback involving Qui-Gon. There was a pithy line about the nature of the Force. There were actual jokes and cool lightsabre fighting scenes. Republic may not have a great comic book pedigree, but I'll tell you exactly what it is: just barely enough Star Wars to keep me from going Episode III-insane.
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Episode (3.) Insane.
I'm thinking costume. I'm thinking plenty about costume. I had very nearly said to m'self, "no costume." Why? Cuz I don't particularly care about the E3-Obi costume. I mean, it's fine, but there's a huge "been there done that"tishness to it that I'm not fond of. But now I'm thinking costume again. I'm thinking of either a) doing the Episode III costume, natch; b) doing the Episode I costume, cuz it's my favourite, but doing it hardcore this time; or c) doing old-man-waiting-in-the-desert robes cuz let's face it, there's nothing cooler than a 28-year-old man wandering around the city in a full-length sandy kimono.
But it begins and ends with boots. And boots are expensive. And they aren't even the right boots. But I really, really, really, really, really, really, really want boots. Do I want boots more than scythe? Maybe.
I might order boots.
4. Darth Vader is a big goony wastrel.
I knew this. I think I actually knew this all my life. When I was a kid I remember constantly thinking, "why is Tarkin always pushing Vader around? Why does Vader have to answer to anybody?" and answering myself with "well, cuz he's a big goony wastrel and everyone thinks he's cranked." And I think I had pretty much buried that insight in the light of Empire and Jedi, but it all came roarin' back to me yesterday when listening to the Star Wars commentary and Lucas said basically "yep, Vader's pathetic in this movie. Everyone thinks he sucks." Cuz yes, man, yes. Everyone does think he sucks. Stupid Vader!
5. Stupid Ewoks!
How much do the Ewoks and Droids DVDs suck. Rather than release full-season complete-o-sets, the Lucasfilm wonks have edited a bunch of episodes of the animated series together into "movies." This is ass. They'll do it with Clone Wars, too, but there it won't matter because CW is actually good. Ewoks and Droids were never good, so why are they pushing this shit on us? If I'm going to be a completist (and I think I am), then I want all of the episodes in their original broadcast format, because that's the only thing that would be worth my completist time. This teasing shit is faintly annoying. Down with this, man, down. Bring me the Clone Wars and stick yer Ewoks up yer ass.
6. Yup.
Qui-Gon Jinn appreciation moment: how much do I love Qui-Gon. Possibly second only to Alec Guinness in sheer Jedi cool-ass factor. Fuckin' A, man, Qui-Gon. Yes.
The Freakin'...
Being largely the first
portion of a 2-part ongoing series starring Matt Brown as
himself
Oct 1 2004 - 11:40
a.m.
 |
Yup, read Serenity Rose #4 as alluded to yesterday. Now with the outpouring of the love. I love this book. Holy shaved scrotum lovin'. If I were 27 and brilliant (instead of just-turned-28 and really, eerily dumb), this comic is exactly what I'd be doing. Serenity Rose: my demi-reluctant inner self. Contessa "Tess" Rubikov: every obnoxious friend I've ever had who both a) sucks the bag and b) is fairly indispensible as a hetero-lifemate. It all just clicks. Fear and Loathing-style clicks. I love plainly-obvious metaphors. I love that as of right now, Sera is lying in a pool of her own blood thanks to the kill-crazy rampage of her money-addled best friend Tess. I love that (just to do it), A.A. ends the issue with a brief treatise on how to follow your artistic id, as though my id ain't gettin' kicked around enough lately, with the crippling self-doubt and occasional bouts of artistic integrity. Not to mention the super-charged werewolf-lovin'-cum-vampire-wailin'. That's where I'm at with that. subculture? puh. shaw. I love that fuckin' movie! And I ain't even made it yet!
[contented sigh]