100 REASONS WHY RETURN OF THE JEDI IS THE BEST IN THE SAGA

The gauntlet has been thrown down and I say ENOUGH! NO MORE! Let it be known forever and beyond that Return of the Jedi is the top of the heap, the ultimate example of what Star Wars is, could be, and should be. ONE HUNDRED reasons why Jedi is the best of the saga:

A green lightsabre. A green lightsabre! COME ON!!
It’s the only film in the trilogy that isn’t setup.
It’s the film in the trilogy that the other two set up.
Admiral Ackbar, and all the lovin’ that comes with him.
Nien Nunb.
The Gun-Toting Ewok.
“Baka Nano!” The war cry of the most ineffectual guard in history.
Unlike its predecessor, Jedi dares to suggest that everything can turn out all right in the end, that good will triumph, and family saves the day. No wonder the fans couldn’t deal with it.
Jabba’s introduction. Okay, technically, with Episode I and the Special Editions, this is no longer the chronological first time we see Jabba…. but who cares? The first time you saw the film, you were really impressed. Admit it.
Chewbacca’s yodel.
The shield is still up!
General Madine’s pointy white stick.
Best supporting alien characters since Chewie.
Imperial dignitaries…. lean, mean, creepy.
The conniving wimpiness of Grand Moff Jerjerrod.
Boushh’s costume… I’ll take it over Fett’s any day.
The Thawing of Han.
The perverse red tongue that continually attempts to lick Threepio in Jabba’s Palace.
Malakili and his shoulder-to-cry-on alien friend.
The Return of the Jedi… a.k.a. Luke Cleans Skiff
The gold bikini.
The two frames (original release) of Oola’s tit.
Yoda vanishes. One of those moments where all the pieces seem to fall together.
The Emperor falls thousands of storeys to his certain doom…. but to add icing to the cake (and/or hammer in the point), the dude blows up
Vader’s partially-bionic skeleton, painstakingly painted frame-by-frame onto his body as he is tossing his Master down the shaft.
Luke goes to the Dark Side.
Luke comes back from the Dark Side.
Luke sez: “I am a Jedi, like my father before me.”
Palpatine sez: “So be it, Jedi.” I mean, that’s just groovy.
The Millennium Falcon, screaming out of the Death Star shaft half a Wookie’s hair ahead of the raging fireball.
The rebel pilot who is ordered to break off from the core run and divert some TIE fighters back to the surface. The dude just does what he’s told. That’s teamwork…. the exact opposite of “STAY ON TARGET!!! STAY ON TARGET!!!”
Kamikaze Krynyd, a.k.a. the one attack Admiral Piett never saw coming
We spend the better part of 2 Star Wars films being showed time and time again that the Super Star Destroyer is really, really big…. and then when it crashes, it’s scaled so small that you can’t even see the curvature of the Death Star surface…. hence, Death Star II is really, really, really, really, really, really, really big.
The transvestite A-Wing pilot. Finally, gays in space!
The black A-Wing pilot. Finally, black people in space! “She gonna blow!”
The fact that the rebels love Luke so much, that when he wanders into the biggest staff meeting of all time, they throw the whole thing over to him.
Luke showin’ off his Daddy’s best tricks on his way in to see Jabba.
The Dark Side of droids. Okay, we saw that “rude” protocol droid (bit of a contradiction there, huh) in Cloud City, but EV-9D9 and her gang took it up a serious notch. Droid sadists! Who woulda thunk it?
Yak Face.
“Lapti Nek,” the best disco-funk Williams ever wrote that never made it into a Special Edition.
The crowd-surfing Stormtrooper.
Or, if you look at it another way, the Stormtrooper who’s being ripped to pieces by an angry and unruly mob of so-called freedom lovers.
When everything looks absolutely darkest…. our 2 favourite droids and a whole shitload of Ewoks save the day. (Okay, I recognize the fact that for most “fans,” that’s the biggest problem with the film. But then again, the biggest problem with those “fans” is that they’re hate-mongering wannabes with Keanu Reeves for brains.)
The Death of Boba Fett. And no, losers, he didn’t survive.
Mark Hamill’s post-surgical Man Face.
The worst dialogue in any Star Wars film has been thankfully awarded to the Padme-Anakin scene in the hold of the Queen’s Starship, so the scene with Luke and Leia on the catwalk doesn’t seem as bad any more.
If you’re actually paying attention and you understand what Star Wars is about, the Ewoks work perfectly.
Beedo, Greedo’s bratty twin brother.
Max Rebo. Wow!
You gotta love a film where the director lets himself be thrown off the top of an AT-ST by a 7-foot-tall guy in a monkey suit.
You also got to love a film where the principal starship models got so hot during filming that the ILM crew actually cooked their lunches on them on more than one occasion.
The smashing of the AT-ST head.
The heretofore-unseen Blockade Runner prototype model, which gets some screen time during the space battle because hey, they just needed a honkin’ load of ships.
The whole thing still revolves around “three goofballs and a guy in a monkey suit.” (quoth Harrison Ford)
Wicket knocking himself out cold with a big rock.
According to Lucasfilm, the Ewok TV movies take place before this film…. and yet, somehow, Wicket has forgotten English. That whacking-himself-on-the-head thing again, probably.
Harrison grabbing Carrie’s tit.
Leia just happens to have a bit of Ewok chow in her bag.
The weird eye-on-a-stick that appears to have total control over who enters or exits Jabba’s Palace.
Spider droid!
Threepio gets to say “I have a bad feeling about this.” Interesting anthropomorphization there, huh?
Threepio gets to prove himself wrong by telling a kick-ass story. “Toronto Gosh!” indeed.
Artoo’s little zapper. Very handy.
Chewie, proving that even if you’re desperately searching for any clues as to the whereabouts of one of your closest friends, when a Wookiee’s gotta eat, a Wookiee’s gotta eat.
Leia putting her hand over Threepio’s speaker to make him shut up…. interesting anthropomorphization there, huh?
The Imperial Royal Guards. After so much black and white, that red is one hell of a shock to the system.
What the Royal Guards are wearing under the robes. You can’t see it in the film, but it’s damn cool.
Luke has seen a lot of Force power over the years, yet it is Palpatine unlocking his binders with the Force that really freaks him out.
Wedge survives…. again.
Overconfidence is Palpatine’s weakness. For instance, if he hadn’t had the Royal Guards leave the room, he probably wouldn’t have ended up at the bottom of the pit.
Not one, but TWO shots of rebel pilots who, when their fighters are on fire and they’re hurtling unstoppably towards a gigantic wall of metal, can do nothing other than scream and cry and whimper like a little baby.
Every movie should have a bad guy with a trap door in front of his throne. BOSCKA!!
Ree-Yees. What the hell is up with Ree-Yees? (And is he a Gran? A Malastarian? A Ree-Yeesian? Who knows?)
The B-Wing. Now, they had a whole sequence of B-Wings running attacks on Star Destroyers that had to be cut out, and that’s too bad, because the B-Wing design is so good, it was completely and shamelessly ripped off for the opening sequence of the Lost in Space movie 15 years later.
2-1B attends the Big Briefing. Shows he’s moving up in the world.
The trials of Obi-Wan come to a close. He’s paid for his mistakes, and paid hard. Now finally he gets to kick back in front of the fire with his buds and grin like the Jedi Master he is.
The bounty hunters from The Empire Strikes Back are all at Jabba’s Palace, demonstrating that when Vader had to round up a few hunters in the last film, he only had to make one phone call.
R2’s heretofore-unseen sabre-launching super-spring-loaded internal cannon.
In the same film, we meet the head of the Empire and the head of the Rebellion. Too bad Mothma and Palpy couldn’t have arranged a steel-cage death match where they whack each other with pointy sticks.
Droopy McCool. He don’t care where he is, man, he just playin’.
The space battle is easily the most remarkable such sequence in the history of film. Better than Star Wars, better than The Phantom Menace, and better than any other such sequence in any other science fiction movie. The only problem with the space battle is that it isn’t long enough.
Admiral Ackbar’s convenient CG hologram of Endor and the Death Star. How long to you figure he spent programming that one?
Luke’s “feeble” skills. And he still pulls it out at the end.
First encounter with the name “Anakin.” A very cool name.
As icky as it may seem, admit it, if it hadn’t turned out that Leia was Luke’s sister, you wouldn’t find the trilogy half as amusing.
Best score of the three. Empire‘s got more bells and whistles, but if you just listen to the Jedi score in chronological order with your eyes closed, you realize that it’s a perfect symphony of good vs. evil.
Good wins. Had to reemphasize that point. Good wins! WE LIKE GOOD! You may think the Dark Side is cool but you wouldn’t want to live under them.
Revisiting the Galaxy at the end of the Special Edition, including the first-ever shot of Coruscant.
The fact that Georgieboy capitulated to Timothy Zahn and changed the name of the Imperial Capital, from “Had Abbadon” to “Coruscant.”
Expanded Universe politics aside, I actually like Had Abbadon better. Sounds more like a Star Wars name. Coruscant is too much like Malastare, both of which are too much like stupid.
Jabba’s Sensoramic Rejuvenating Green Seltzer, and the funky glass it comes in.
The look in Luke’s eyes when the lightsaber drops into his hand and he’s about to open up a can of intergalactic whup-ass on a skiff full of bad guys. The look that says, “AW YEAH, IT’S JEDI TIME…!”
Palpatine’s worm. Unusual, but very watchable.
The Sarlacc… film’s first visual demonstration of the unconscious male fear of the vagina as a spike-lined orifice of doom.
Luke saying “Free us, or die.” Because he’s given the fat dude numerous chances, and y’know what? If he really wants to see what a Jedi can do, Luke can arrange for a demonstration.
Luke turns to R2 after the death of Yoda for comfort and support. They’ve come a long way from that tempestuous relationship when Luke was trying to dig gunk out of R2’s head.
The heroes around the fire, the last shot in the film. What a team, what a moment.
Lando, who cannot clap in time with the beat.
The unmasking of Anakin Skywalker.
Chewie wins the war, which really, is exactly how we always wanted it to be.

Afterword, March 2003:

John Caro supplies us with an apt #101. “After everything Luke’s done, saving Anakin, bringing down the Emperor, resisting the Dark Side, becoming a Jedi Knight…. when he arrives at the Ewok Village, he still embraces Han — his surrogate big brother — and gives him the “I did good, didn’t I?” look — and for that moment, he’s a farmboy again.”